Mathew Imaging/WireImage.com; George Pimentel/WireImage.com; Dimitrios Kambouris/WireImage; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images; Mark Boster-Pool/Getty ImagesIt's been a long week, even more so if your name is Lindsay Lohan.
But that's why we take the entertainment news-related pressure off by compiling all you need to know about the seven days just past right here.
Go ahead, catch up at your leisure. We're here for you...
RED-CROSSED: Is Lindsay Lohan in the final throes of her umpteenth chance? Fresh from some face-marring dental work to fix her older-than-25 teeth, the once promising-young-star had her probation revoked and the cuffs slapped on her after skipping so many community service appointments at the Downtown Women's Center that she, like disaster victims, had nowhere to go but the Red Cross. But that's not where the judge sent her, so Lindsay had better hope that enough incognito work at the morgue (Scarlett Fay stayed away once the real work began) before her next hearing staves off a slap in the face for probation violation. And then she had better hope that the shelter takes her back. It's hard to picture a shelter (or even a morgue, for that matter) refusing burgers and cupcakes.
FIGHT OF HER LIFE: E! News' Giuliana Rancic garnered support from all corners, including Christina Applegate's, when she went public with her recent breast cancer diagnosis. Hubby Bill Rancic is convinced that his always on-the-go wife will come back stronger than ever, but in the meantime, she's taking a whole week off (Bill had to confiscate the BlackBerry!) from work to recover from a double lumpectomy. As was Giuliana's intention to educate and raise awareness, fans have already tweeted her about scheduling their own mammograms.
BABY SHOWER: Mariska Hargitay and hubby Peter Hermann adopt son Andrew Nicolas, their second child...Aleph peeks over mommy Natalie Portman's shoulder...Is Jessica Simpson shopping pics of her maybe-baby already?...Sarah Michelle Gellar's Ringer character is expecting but she isn't...Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey show off twins Monroe and Moroccan on 20/20...Linda Cardellini is expecting her first child with boyfriend Steven Rodriguez...Shayne Lamas is way pregnant and way naked...Viola Davis and hubby Julius Tennon adopted daughter Genesis...Thomas Ian Nicholas and wife Colette welcomed son Nolan River, their first child together.
FELLED IN THE WOODS: Kristen Stewart sustained a minor injury on the set of Snow White and the Huntsman—so minor, it's as if it didn't even happen.
BAD BOY BEHAVIOR: Shia LaBeouf has picked an odd time to go through his adolescent rebellious phase. The Transformers cutie ended up getting pummeled outside a Vancouver pub, if you can believe your own eyes (yup, it was captured on video). Shia was prepared to fight back, but his mates held him back—which is smart, because the actor with the money is less likely to be the one filing a lawsuit.
K-DAY: Happy 31st birthday, Kim Kardashian! The E! star plans to celebrate Saturday in Las Vegas (and then after that, who knows...), but she spent the actual day with family in NYC, including an outing to the American Museum of Natural History with Kourtney Kardashian and little Mason. And she didn't look too freaked out.
BOSOM FRIENDS: Jennifer Aniston and Reese Witherspoon recall the start of their friend-love affair when Reese guest-starred on Friends as Rachel's bratty little sister.
OUT AND ABOUT: Heroes, Star Trek and American Horror Story scene-stealer Zachary Quinto came out as gay and hasn't been out of the adoring spotlight since. We had the highest hopes for his career before and—guess what—we still do!
CALL OF THE WILD: Ohio police ended up shooting dozens of exotic animals after their troubled keeper let them loose and committed suicide. You can imagine how Hollywood's massive community of animal lovers felt about this. Leonardo DiCaprio definitely wasn't the only one calling for tighter regulation of the exotic-animal trade after learning that 18 Bengal tigers were among the dead. And PETA wants to make sure Cameron Crowe's We Bought a Zoo doesn't make the problem worse.
BALDWIN BATTLE: Joanne Baldwin, who says she's clean and sober since her mid-summer probation troubles, wants custody of her and Daniel Baldwin's two daughters but admits she volunteered to let them stay with a friend while she regrouped out of the spotlight. Daniel backed off of his initial story that the kids were taken away by social services, but we have a feeling we haven't heard the last of this family's custody woes.
LYING LOW: In what was a quiet week in the Ashton Kutcher-Demi Moore drama, Demi walked the carpet at the premiere of her latest film, Margin Call, and Ashton rode his high horse.
WEDDING BELLS: Nikki Reed tied the knot with Paul McDonald in Malibu. The bride wore a Tacori stunner...Longtime couple Danny Masterson and Bijou Philips made it official in Ireland...Shannon Doherty swapped vows with photographer Kurt Iswarienko in Malibu...Jennifer Hudson's wedding is still on, haters...Ali Fedotowsky is still engaged but not planning a wedding...Karina Smirnoff and Brad Penny aren't getting married just yet, either.
ROMANCE REPORT: Scarlett Johanssen and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are just friends...Tyler Armstrong is grateful to be alive, says she isn't dating anyone...Toni Braxton barely knows BET host Terrence J.
LOOSE LIPS: Susan Sarandon referred to Pope Benedict XVI as a Nazi, and that's a no-no.
BACK TO SCHOOL: Emma Watson has enrolled at Oxford.
ONGOING: The prosecution still hasn't quite rested in the Conrad Murray case. Anesthesiologist Steven Shafer's testimony continued to paint a picture of Murray really missing the mark when it came to caring for Michael Jackson, and the propofol expert refuted the defense's claim that Jackson swallowed 16 mg. of lorazepam before dosing himself with propofol.
END OF AN ERA: Celebs sounded off on the death—the death envisioned by an ancient Matthew Perry sitcom—of Libyan strongman Moammar Gadhafi.
LAW & DISORDER: Hannah Montana's Mitchel Musso busted for DUI...Selena Gomez secures a restraining order against an apparent nutter...Snooki lashed out at a website for a bogus pot bust story, which the site ended up having to retract...NCIS' Michael Weatherly sued over an injury car crash...B2K rapper Lil' Fizz's pot dispensary is under fire...Courtney Love ordered to pay up over missing jewels...Lindsay was also sued by the sober technician she supposedly fought with in rehab...An actress who wishes to remain anonymous is suing IMDb for letting her age cat out of the bag...Bail denied for alleged Shania Twain stalker...Soulja Boy declares his innocence after drug bust...The expectant Sister Wives clan is still expressing their displeasure with the state of Utah...Plaintiff claims The Hangover: Part II ripped off his life story (but how can he remember?!)...Jay-Z and Kanye West sued over song sampling...Halle Berry's alleged stalker is headed to trial.
TV LAND: Harry Belafonte may have meditated a moment too long on live TV...Rob Kardashian doesn't mind that Michelle Obama doesn't let Malia and Sasha watch Keeping Up With the Kardashians...The DWTS crew is really going to miss the ousted Carson Kressley...Porn briefly greeted visitors to Sesame Street's YouTube channel...Charlie Sheen is shopping his new sitcom...Seth Green is now Seth Green...Taylor Armstrong isn't leaving The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills...Did Teresa Giudice cause The Real Housewives of New Jersey sister squabble?...Catch a sneak peek at J.J. Abrams' latest, Alcatraz...The Biggest Loser's Sam Poueu is out of the hospital and in physical therapy after four-story fall...Kelsey Grammer's latest production, Generations, has a familiar ring to it...Camille Grammer's thinks Kelsey is being "mean and disrespectful" on his latest media tour...Chord Overstreet is returning to Glee...Jay-Z goes cartoon for Secret Millionaires Club...SPOILER CHAT (Glee, Gossip Girl, Revenge & more)!
RECAPVILLE: Jersey Shore season finale, Grey's Anatomy, America's Next Top Model: All-Stars, The X Factor, American Horror Story, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Gossip Girl, Dancing With the Stars, Sister Wives,
SCREEN PLAY: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 rocked the Scream Awards...Anne Hathway joins the cast of Les Miserables as the doomed Fantine...Milla Jovovich accuses Summit of favoring Breaking Dawn over The Three Musketeers (cue the duh)...Robert Pattinson and more talk the BD wedding...Relive the magic with When Harry Left Hogwarts...Matt Damon will make his directorial debut with a script he corote with John Krasinski...River Phoenix's final film, Dark Blood, sees the light...Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith bought a stake in the Philadelphia 76ers...Jason Statham rumored to be the Transformers franchise's next leading man...Who's stealing Sean Penn's lunch?...The star Twilight trio will their hands and feet imprinted for posterity at Grauman's Chinese Theater.
TRAILER PARK: Robert Downey Jr. is ever-clever in Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows...Angelina Jolie's controversial directorial debut, In the Land of Blood and Honey...My Week With Marilyn pics...Daniel Radcliffe scares us silly in The Woman in Black...Read our reviews of Paranormal Activity 3 and The Three Musketeers.