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The plot sickens.

Charlie Sheen held wife Brooke Mueller down on their bed and threatened to kill her if she told anybody about his bad behavior, according to an arrest warrant affidavit released today to E! News detailing what Mueller told police after the Christmas Day incident with her husband.

Read the report

Sheen became enraged when Mueller told him she wanted a divorce and would take their children away, states the report filed by responding officer Rick Magnuson of the Aspen Police Department. (Mueller talked to a female officer at the scene, who relayed her statements to Magnuson.)

When Mueller said this, Sheen straddled her on the bed and grabbed the upper part of her throat, she told police, adding that he then put a knife to her throat and said, "You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I'll kill you."

And his alleged comments get nastier.

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From his chalet in Gstaad, Roman Polanski sends his very best.

In a letter to French author Bernard-Henri Lévi, the Oscar-winning filmmaker says he is "overwhelmed by the number of messages of support and sympathy" he has received since being locked up in Switzerland for skipping out on his sentencing for having sex with a teenage girl 31 years ago.

"These messages have come from my neighbors, from people all over Switzerland, and from beyond Switzerland—from across the world," reads the translated-into-English letter, which Lévi gave to the Huffington Post, where he's a contributor.

"I would like every one of them to know how heartening it is, when one is locked up in a cell, to hear this murmur of human voices and of solidarity in the morning mail. In the darkest moments, each of their notes has been a source of comfort and hope, and they continue to be so in my current situation."

Sounds like something the director of The Pianist and Death and the Maiden would write.

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It's not a brown-eyed girl for Van Morrison this time around.

The 64-year-old rocker has welcomed his first child with wife GiGi, son George Ivan Morrison (his daddy's real name) III.

"'Little Van' born Dec 28, 2009—the spitting image of his daddy," reads the announcement posted on Morrison's website, which also informs us that the wee lad has dual U.S. and U.K.-Northern Ireland citizenship.

Morrison, who was inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame in 1993, has two daughters from previous relationships.

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Little Van joins the latest generation of kids born to Famous Families.

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Aspen Police have released the 911 call Brooke Mueller made on Christmas morning.

In the four-minute audio tape obtained by E! News, Mueller is heard describing the domestic dispute she allegedly suffered at the hands of Charlie Sheen.

"My husband had me...with a knife, and I'm scared for my life, and he threatened me," she tearfully told the 911 operator.

Listen to the 911 call.

Mueller made the call from the kitchen of the couple's rented home, while other members of her family stayed with Sheen, whom she told the operator was trying to "sneak out the back," in a separate part of the house.

"There are other people here," she said. "My family's here, but right now if I don't file this...I need to file it now.

"I've got to file this report," she repeated. "I thought I was going to die for one hour."

When asked for the name of her husband, Mueller paused before tearfully blurting out: "It's Charlie Sheen."

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• It's possible Lindsay Lohan has taken a new lover: Adam Senn. He's a model who was on season one of The City. NYDN says Linds took him home to meet the fam and "Dina really likes him. She thinks he is 'good for her.'" But according to Lindsay's twitter, "I'm not dating my friend lol, people are nutso, and its not a way to start off the new year with rumors :)" Whatever. This is what Adam looks like without clothes.

• Our own Kendra Wilkinson showed off a new picture of her little Hank baby today. Yes, it's completely adorable (duh).

• Careful analysis of Charlie Sheen's Christmas card shows that he wasn't planning on threatening his wife with a knife, it was just a spur-of-the-moment thing.

• TMZ has spent all day trying to figure out if this photo of John F. Kennedy on a yacht with a bunch of naked ladies is real. It's not, but it was a fun way to spend a day.

• Who wears more makeup on mundane family outings: Xtina or Gwen?

• Gossip Girl's Jessica Szohr is on the cover of Teen Vogue. Eh, we know, but she does talk about her dreamy BF, Ed Westwick! "He's a really rad guy. He's awesome and smart and talented and adorable, and we make each other laugh. We go to dinners, have nights by ourselves and fun romantic times in general. And I like just cuddling up on the couch."

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When Ashlee, Pete & Bronx are all together, they make kind of an adorable family. Check it out in our Big Pic.

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All Hailey is about to break loose.

For those pointing the fickle finger of guilt over the recent ransacking of Jon Gosselin's apartment toward a certain tweet-happy octodad-dating 22-year-old, know this: It wasn't just Gosselin's pad that was broken into. It was Gosselin and Hailey Glassman's.

"FYI that apartment everyone calls Jon's apartment was my apartment as well," Glassman tweeted on Friday. "We split rent!"

So why would anyone want to ransack their own home? Beats Hailey.

"She's not a suspect. She has not been arrested," her attorney, Stephanie Ovadia, told E! News, despite rampant insinuation to the contrary. "She did nothing wrong."

Nothing except remove—and that's without the use of a demolition ball—some of her personal belongings from her formerly shared home.

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Did the entertainer intend to emulate the scary little girl from The Ring or Cousin Itt from The Addams Family when she wore this dress of tresses?

That's just one of the many riddles surrounding fashion's most infamous joker. (Other unanswered questions include: Does she have the hots for men or women…or both? Why is she so obsessed with Kermit the Frog? How does she keep from walking into walls when her entire face is covered?)

What we do know is that this outrageous outfit helped her nab the top spot in mystyle's Worst Fashion DUIs of 2009 gallery!

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Now see which stars' fashion flubs made it into our Best of YOU Write 'Em Up! gallery.

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Never underestimate the therapeutic powers of a little cool air.

After a holiday that ended in a less-than-heavenly fashion, Charlie Sheen's wife was spotted out and about in Aspen, Colo., yesterday. Unlike a certain other wife's first photo, we can't see anything missing from Brooke Mueller's hands, but she did manage to bring a big smile along for the outing.

The real estate investor—who's not allowed to have any contact with her sitcom star husband courtesy of a temporary restraining order following the knife-wielding events that landed him in jail for 10 hours—was carted around the ski town in a chauffeur-driven SUV. She even made sure to wish the driver a "Happy New Year" when he dropped her off at her rented home, where her family members have been in and out, a source tells E! News.

The sunny stunner's mother is said to be hosting a cocktail party for friends in Aspen tonight. The Real Housewives of New York City's Ramona Singer and her family have made the guest list, according to the source.

Sheen is currently free on bail and due back in court in February. He's rumored to behiding out back in Los Angeles.

—Reporting by Aly Weisman

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This is what Brooke and Charlie look like all dolled up in happier times.