Come on, you know you've seen 'em.
Britney Spears' private parts, that is. And if you haven't, you've seen a photo of her getting out of a car, a black line where her privates should be, on websites too nice to bare her all.
But just because she spent some unfortunate time as an amateur flasher, that doesn't mean Spears is either a sexual harasser or a bad mom. Alas, she is, however, pretty rich...
SPEARED: Britney's former bodyguard sues for sexual harassment, claiming she purposely showed him her genitals and said, "You know you liked it." (Weird, we were sure it was some nasty blogger out there who showed off Brit's bits and gloated about it...). The dude also says he witnessed some heinous mothering on her part, accusations that did not check out once upon a time when actual authorities looked into it, and Team Spears is out in full force. We're thinking Britney is legitimately back in business these days (minus the occasional hair disaster) and it must just be her turn for a spin on the Lindsay-Paris-Britney lazy Susan of trouble.
L'AMOUR: Halle Berry and her Dark Tide costar Olivier Martinez spend time in Paris, looking snuggly. Ex Gabriel Aubry is also in town, spending time with their daughter. Don't cha wish your hook-up was hot like these?
BALLOON BOY: Justin Bieber, who's 16, not 6, almost gets in trouble with the law for nailing a state trooper in the crotch with a water balloon at the Maryland State Fair. Almost.
FAREWELLS: Robert Schimmel may have been too much for The Tonight Show but he was perfect for The Howard Stern Show, where he was a VIP. The comedian, a 60-year-old cancer survivor who was awaiting a liver transplant, dies of complications from injuries suffered in a car crash...Rich Cronin, lead singer of '90s pop-hop group LFO who penned the tune "Summer Girls," dies at 36 after a five-year battle with leukemia...Glenn Shadix, most memorable as a snooty decorator in Beetlejuice, dies at 58 after hitting his head in a fall.
BACK ON TOP: Not that George Clooney was ever not on top in the hearts and minds of America, but his spy thriller, The American, while not a blockbuster is his first No. 1 movie at the box office since forever, minus the capers he's starred in with Brad Pitt, including Burn After Reading.
A MIGHTY HEART: Angelina Jolie, in Pakistan earlier this week to meet with flood victims, is one of many who expresses outrage against a Florida preacher whose small congregation planned, on Sept. 11, to burn however many copies of the Quran they could get their hands on. After Jolie—and millions of others— expressed their disapproval, the madness is canceled.
PASS INTERFERENCE: Tom Brady appears at practice looking fine not long after his Audi and a van collide in Boston, an accident that necessitated the Jaws of Life for the other guy. Witnesses are saying Brady was behind the wheel, not on-the-record authorities.
PARIS MATCH: The winner of Paris Hilton's My New BFF, whom Hilton accused of turning into a fame whore, says it was Hilton's wild ways that were too much for her.
BABY BOOM: Muggle Danica McKellar welcomes son Draco...Rascal Flatts' Joe Don Rooney and Playboy Playmate wife Tiffany Fallon add a daughter to the mix...Rachel Dratch becomes a first-time mom...Mike Tyson and wife Lakiha Spicer Tyson expecting their second child, the eighth time he'll become a dad.
CRIME & PUNISHMENT: Snooki escapes her annoyance bust with a $500 fine and community service, but may some driving infractions to answer to...Leonardo DiCaprio restrains wannabe wife till 2013 and his accused assaulter pleads innocent...AXE might ax T.I. following his arrest for what turned out ot be alleged Ecstasy possession...John Travolta drops extortion beef against Bahamian officials...Swindling Al Pacino and Uma Thurman doesn't pay...JetBlue needs better in-flight entertainment. May we suggest copies of Singapore Playboy?...40 Year Old Virgin actor Shelley Mallil admits to stabbing his girlfriend, but blames "chaos"...Vince Neil remains a misdemeanor battery suspect...Someone's playing a yolk on Dina Lohan's house...Prison time for Kirsten Dunst's purse snatcher...No parole, no surprise there, for John Lennon's killer, Mark David Chapman.
CIVIL WARS: Lady Gaga and ex-boyfriend done battling...Sheriff's deputy who was lucky enough to get the Mel Gibson DUI collar in 2006 sues his department for religious discrimination...Taylor Lautner gives lawsuit settlement to charity.
MUSICAL NOTES: Will Smith's 9-year-old daughter Willow is already singing—or rapping—for her supper...There's no fighting on Lady Gaga's watch!...Enrique Iglesias and Nelly Furtado among Latin Grammy nominees...Behind the scenes of B.o.B.'s "Airplanes" video.
FILM SCHOOL: The 2010 Toronto Film Festival kicks off, we're there...Gwyneth Paltrow and Leighton Meester sing in Country Strong trailer...January Jones snapped on the set of X-Men: First Class...Joel McHale joins Spy Kids 4 to play hubby to Jessica Alba.
TV LAND: Jessica Simpson will make the Project Runway finale work...Piers Morgan officially announced as Larry King's successor...Glee is doin' the time warp...If you want to call yourself "The Situation," go right ahead...Lou Reed throws Susan Boyle off her game...Crystal Bowersox finds out that people are just as nosy in Toledo as they are in Los Angeles...Despite recent scandal, the Cake Boss crew's spirit is not battered...Ali Fedotowsky is staying classy in San Diego...Roger Ebert revives At the Movies.
SEEN: Robert Pattinson paying homage at the Buddy Holly Museum in Lubbock, Texas, and having beers at an Austin cantina while roadtripping across the southern U.S....R. Pattz (pre-roadtrip) and Leo DiCaprio hanging out (not together) at Soho House in West Hollywood...Anna Paquin and Stephen Moyer honeymooning in Ravello, Italy...Justin Bieber fulfilling Fantasy Factory's Chanel Dudley's fantasy at an Xbox party...Eric Johnson escorting girlfriend Jessica Simpson to the launch of her new denim line in NYC...Tom Cruise gazing up into Katie Holmes' eyes at the premiere of her new film, The Romantics...Miley Cyrus partying in Paris, where the drinking age is 16, with LOL costar Ashley Greene...Paris Hilton and Cy Waits renting a private mansion (always borrowing things, that Paris) in Maui over Labor Day weekend...Kristin Cavallari spending the holiday in Nashville with her Chicago Bear, Jay Cutler.
It's already September, so catch up with Watch With Kristin's 2010 Fall TV Preview, stat! And when you're done, E! Online will have coverage from carpet to Kanye to party of the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards, hosted by our own favorite sauce-pot, Chelsea Handler, coming at ya on Sunday.
And don't be missing our coverage of Spring Fashion Week in NYC in the meantime!
Ben Affleck looks how we would feel if Jon Hamm were using our shoulders to take a little nap in The Big Picture gallery.