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    Bitch-Back! How Did Shia LaBeouf Escape Disney?

    Shia LaBeouf Disney; Frazer Harrison/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    How was Shia LaBeouf able to break out of the stronghold Disney has on its stars? Back in the day, he was one of their most popular, and yet he managed to find an out. How (or I guess, why) did he not get the Miley Cyrus or Zac Efron treatment?
    —Chris

    Dear Miley Shi-rus:
    Shia was indeed one of Disney's best assets, but in a world where pre-Miley Cyrus and post-Miley Cyrus are actual periods of time, Shia was in the former, and back then, Disney's stars just weren't overstuffed or thrown into the cookie-cutter like they are now. And let's face it, Shia wasn't exactly bringing in the dough for Disney like Zac and that musical he did about that high school.

    Dear Ted:
    Do you think Taylor Momsen will end up like Lindsay Lohan? She also started her career and touched fame very young (maybe too young). You think she will go down as well? Or is that style (I'm not sure those things she wears can be called style) just to show-off and not who she really his? She's Pretty Reckless, says I.
    —Nikki

    Dear Pretty Irrelevant:
    Lindsay's actually a bad girl. Taylor's just trying to be one. Who cares about what Taylor dresses like or dances with/on/underneath? The difference is what happens behind the scenes—not what's captured on camera.

    Dear Ted:
    You brought up Lea Michele and Dianna Agron in a recent Bitch-Back, so let me pose a question. Who do you think would win in a fight? Sing-off? Baking competition?
    —Dee

    Dear Catfight:
    Lea definitely wins the fight and the singing—was that even a question? And Dianna is obviously the closer homemaker type. Seriously, you couldn't think of a tougher hypothetical, pumpkin?

    Dear Ted:
    Since Cruella St. Shackles is now with Marky Sweet-Puss, wouldn't the alimony payments from her ex have stopped? Surely, she wouldn't be using child support to buy herself a pair of fake tits.
    —Amanda F., NYC

    Dear Money Woes:
    Alimony generally stops when the ex is remarried. So, in this case, it most likely wasn't cash flow from her ex-hubby (who's not exactly as filthy rich as he once was, either) that paid for her new chest and other fun parts. This was deal making determined by the parties involved, not just the judge.

    Dear Ted:
    With Angelina Jolie saying she will eventually retire to spend time with the kids, or her acting not being as important, it makes me wonder if all this retirement talk isn't her setting up her "out" to lead us to believe she left Hollywood on her terms. Therefore deny that it had anything to do with the fact that the studios stopped taking her seriously, not hiring her for roles because she doesn't bring in the crowd or money she once did, that it's becoming harder to see the character she's playing without the distraction of the actresses?
    —C.J.

    Dear Are You Kidding:
    Angelina is not the Tomb Raiding blockbustress she used to be, I'll give you that, but to say that the studios aren't taking her seriously? Just so not true, C.J. I mean, I'll be the first to say that we've now entered territory of Angelina Jolie playing Angelina Jolie playing Evelyn Salt, but that doesn't mean she's trying to prep an easy exit. Trust, when she finally ditches Hollywood, she'll make it clear that it was on her own terms, regardless.

    Dear Ted:
    I'm a huge Nathan Fillion fan. Not only does he have some of the best hair in Hollywood, everyone who works with him sings his praises. Is he really the lovable dude he appears to be?
    —Mrs. Captain Tightpants

    Dear Fillion Me In:
    Oh, we love the fantasy hunk as much as the next guy—just wish he did a little more tabloid-friendly stuff so we could hear about him more. I guess that answers your question, doesn't it?

    Dear Ted:
    Is Harland Fuss Jensen Ackles? He is recently married, and Danneel Harris has had a career boost with her new TV show. Am I right?
    —Chaz

    Dear Fussy:
    Nope, but great guess. Harland and Jensen aren't too different from each other, if you think about it. Oh, no, don't think about that!

    Dear Ted:
    What's happening with Morgan Mayhem these days, romance-wise?
    —Anna

    Dear Lovelorn:
    Ummm, a whole lotta nothing, that's what.

    Dear Ted:
    I don't believe it, but people have been speculating that Robsten is a publicity stunt and Summit is paying Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart to date to sell the films. But there has been no evidence of this, and Rob and Kristen seem too proud of their careers to go and pull a stunt like this. How could it be a publicity stunt when they do every thing not to be seen?
    —Georgia

    Dear Robsten on my Mind:
    You remember back when Summit tried everything they could to break the two up? Robsten started way before anyone would dare call it a publicity stunt. You should know that, duh.

    Dear Ted:
    I just read where Rob and Kristen had to dash into a police station when the papz were getting out of hand on the freeway. First, is it true? Secondly, when do the laws regarding celeb privacy come into play? Third, I don't think the double-edged sword of the anti-paparazzi law would bother them in the least. Don't these pseudo photogs have any integrity?
    —The Tennesseans

    Dear Photog Phreaks:
    Yes, it's true, from what I hear, but no, there are no privacy laws to invoke here. They ditched the paps because they were starting to become a traffic hazard, which is pretty damn hard to prove, love. And no, there's no integrity to be had at all—but you already knew that.

    Dear Ted:
    All right, tough question: Who's a bigger diva, Jennifer Garner or Jennifer Lopez? And how does Ben Affleck deal with them?
    —Doli

    Dear Jen Nightmares:
    You would think Ben would know how to pick ‘em a little better, right? But alas, he always seems to be stuck with the crazies. The former is probably the lesser of two evils, so to speak, but you know they've both got their diva-tastic ways.

    Dear Ted:
    What's the deal with Ashley Greene and Joe Jonas? Are they just randomly über-close besties, or are they an item?
    —Michelle

    Dear Gronas?
    Can't two mostly attractive people (derived mainly from Ashley, of course) just hang out without being linked? Of course, you know there's more there than what's being shown.

    Dear Ted:
    Does Robert Pattinson have his own moniker in the Blind Vice he stars in, or is he just mentioned but given no moniker?
    —Melia

    Dear Moniker Moneymaker:
    Oh, he totally has his own moniker. You don't think the dude's important enough to garner his own Vice name? For shame!

    Dear Ted:
    A comment on the full-frontal True Blood debate: If you limit said appearance to stars of the series, then we are all still waiting. If you just want someone—anyone—to show off their bits, we have already had that. I do not recommend that you troll your way through the DVDs looking for the moment. It was so brief during one of Maryann's parties that you would miss it if you blinked. As you can imagine—and I recommend that you do only that—it was not a particularly uplifting sight. What a brave man he must be!
    —Grace

    Dear Amazing Grace:
    Yeah, I guess it was a beginning, of sorts, but I'm so damn tired of seeing generic, faceless werewolf ass every time one of them gets killed. Bring on the top guns!

    Dear Ted:
    I have long wondered why sometimes you refer to Brad Pitt as Angelina's "hubby" and infer that they are married, and other times as her "partner." Is this me just being picky about semantics, the semantics being interchangeable to you, or are you trying to tell us something?
    —Word Choice

    Dear Not Married Word Choice:
    With how much I talk about those two, it's a mouthful to keep saying "devoted domestic partner and coparent." Sometimes hubby is just the easy way of saying whipped.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twittah!

    _______

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