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The 26 Weirdest Things That Have Already Happened in 2014

It has been one week, people. Welcome to 2014.

1. A man was killed by an "atomic wedgie."

2014 Weird

An Oklahoma man was arrested after giving his father a wedgie so severe that his dad died from suffocating in his underwear.

2. A woman named Beautiful Existence successfully ate nothing but Starbucks for an entire year.

Starbucks http://for1yearofmylife.com

3. A teenager cut off his penis while high on mephedrone.

2014 Weird IStock

Full disclosure: This happened in late 2013, but was not reported until 2014. He also stabbed his mom (she's OK).

4. Meanwhile, a man with two penises became (in)famous on Reddit.

2014 Weird

He goes by the name DoubleDickDude (a bit on the nose, we think) and he held an AMA (Ask Me Anything) to discuss his diphallia. When asked if he's ever thought about having one removed, he said, "In my mid teens, yeah. Now, hella no." Check out "10 Fascinating Facts" from the AMA (via Rolling Stone) or just look at the (obviously NSFW) photo here.

5. At least 50 people burned themselves trying to throw boiling water in the air during the Polar Vortex.

(Since we're already on the subject, this guy burned his penis.)

NEWS: Los Angeles now has a burrito vending machine (aka the best thing ever!)

6. The country ran out of Velveeta.

Velveeta Courtesy: Velveeta

7. Idris Elba got a boner from a bowtie.

8. A guy claims to have killed Bigfoot. BUT FOR REAL THIS TIME, GUYZ.

2014 Weird

A Bigfoot hunter named Rick Dyer says he killed Bigfoot and will take his body on tour. Rick says he lured the beast out by "nailing pork ribs from the WalMart down the street." Rick is keeping Bigfoot at "an undisclosed location," but says, "It is the real deal. It's Bigfoot and Bigfoot's here, and I shot it and now I'm proving it to the world."

9. Insane Clown Posse is suing the FBI.

Insane Clown Posse Dimitrios Kambouris/Getty Images

For calling Juggalos a "loosely organized gang."

10. A Florida woman gave birth in a Walmart parking lot while her husband was shopping.

2014 Weird

(Obviously this happened in Florida.)

NEWS: The skinny dipping world record has been broken in New Zealand (NSFW)

11. Cormac McCarthy's ex-wife pulled a silver handgun out of her vagina and used it to threaten her boyfriend during an argument about aliens.

2014 Weird

Apparently while doing so, she asked her boyfriend, 'Who is crazy, you or me?" Uh...

12. A girl posted a Craigslist Missed Connection for a guy who peed on her on New Year's.

Because she is in love with him.

2014 Weird

"...and then we started to make out. After a minute I felt something warm and realised that you pissed yourself. I pushed you away and that's when you ran but I wish you had stayed. You peed on me but it's OK!"

13. Living Dolls are a thing now.

14. A teen threw boiling water in a girl's face because she unfriend him on Facebook.

2014 Weird Facebook

"I accepted his friend request a year ago because I found him decent then," she said of the unfriending. "But of late he had become abusive and so I 'unfriended' him last week." He did not take it well.

15. Jenna Jameson showed her boobs to Reddit so they would track down her ex-assistant.

2014 Weird

All of this seems illegal.

NEWS: The 4 weirdest, most TMI quotes from Cameron Diaz's new Body Book

16. Side Effects became real when a 26-year-old student was committed.

Rooney Mara, Side Effects Barry Wetcher, Open Road Films

Well, Side Effects up until the twist, that is. But we won't spoiler it. "Natural Lipo X" apparently caused the girl sleep deprivation delirium and she "got into arguments with strangers, stopped her car in the middle of a busy intersection [and] tore a screen door at her home and stabbed pillows and pictures."

17. Someone paid $42,000 to webcam with a dominatrix.

2014 Weird

18. It got so cold that an escaped prisoner turned himself back in to jail.

Polar Vortex Prisoner

Robert Vick escaped from a prison in Kentucky, wearing only prison-issued khaki pants and a jacket. But when the temperature hit -20 degrees, he was like, "Nope! No, thank you! Sorry ‘bout it, freedom."

19. An Alabama fan (and mother of three) went HAM* on an Oklahoma fan at the Sugar Bowl.

*Hard As a Muthaf--kah!

Here is his side of the story and here is her side of the story.

20. Old Spice released the creepiest commercial ever.

And we love every second of it. (Except the nightmares we had afterward.)

NEWS: 7-year-old asks scientistis to make her a dragon in adorable letter

21. We elected our first Pastafarian politician to office.

2014 Weird

Who? Christopher Schaeffer. What? Pastafarianism. The Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. "A movement that promotes a light-hearted view of religion and opposes the teaching of intelligent design and creationism in public schools." How? We don't know.

22. Director Michael Bay seemed to completely forget what directors do.

The teleprompter failed and when asked, "What inspires you?" HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT TO SAY. So he walked offstage.

23. The Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, (maybe) caused a traffic jam as political revenge.

2014 Weird, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie Getty Images, AP Photo

Or (maybe) he didn't. He says he didn't. But there was a traffic jam and a woman died during it.

24. Dolphins are getting high off puffer fishes.

2014 Weird YouTube

"Totally Blissed Out Dolphins" = Our new spirit animal.

25. This lady went on TV to say that she wants size QQQ boobs.

2014 weird TLC

She currently has size MMM and can make them glow in the dark.

 
2014 Weird

(via TLC's My Strange Addiction)

26. Shia LeBeouf.

Shia LaBeouf, Twitter/AKM-GSI

What is this? This is not right. Why is he? What are they? Who is he? When are we? How are they? Who is what? What is how?

PHOTOS: Now look back on Justin Bieber's big, weird, successful 2013!

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