Alexander Skarsgard

Dear Ted:
Those Robsten fans are cray-cray! So let's move on to another sexy vampire: Alexander Skarsgård. What's up with his constant partying and drinking? It is one thing to have a little single fun, but it's quite another to party to drunkenness on a nearly daily basis and brag about it in interviews, especially when his mother is working hard to bring light to addiction issues. Is there something we A.Skars fans should be worried about?

Dear Nervous Nellie:
Fear not, Lex, our fave True Blood hottie is just making the most of his single status. Work hard and play harder as they say! And remember, Alex lives to stir the pot, one reason why we heart him so.

Dear Ted:
On Oct. 6 you said something that's making me think that perhaps Robsten might really have broken up. You always seem to know just exactly what's going on with them. Please tell this ole woman they are not breaking up? They've made me believe in romance again after 50 years of not believing.

RELATED: Which Bad Boy Would You Rather Do at the Box Office: Gosling or Skarsgård? 

Dear Robsten Reignite:
Keep believing in love, doll! Because our fave couple is so together. Kristen even came clean after years of playing coy. Looks like romance is making a comeback. Don't believe the naysayers. They're just bitter people who have great difficulty smiling at anything other than their own derisiveness.

Dear Ted:
You looked splendid in your last Pissed List video. In fact, you looked a little more youthful—I can say that because I'm way old. Has my favorite gossip guy had a little work done?

Dear You're a Doll:
Full lift and breast implants. Just waiting for the tummy tuck next. And thanks!

Dear Ted:
I was watching a rerun of How I Met Your Mother the other night and was wondering if Jason Segel has a Vice? He seems Vicey to me!

Dear Nearly Squeaky Clean:
That's because he is. But so PG-rated, I'm sorry to say. He tries a little too hard, know what I mean?

Dear Ted:
Say I were to do a Blind Vice lineup, arranging Vicers from tallest to shortest. Out of Nelly Fang, Dashed Dingle Dream and Jackie Bouffant who would be in the middle?

Dear Super Sleuth:
Height-wise, Dashed Dingle Dream would fall smack dab in the middle.

Dear Ted:
You recently said Altar-Ego Salami's "dimwitted" better half has no idea about his wayward ways, but he does "love" her. Why so clueless? Is she too busy to notice? Could she know but doesn't let anyone know that? Maybe she's a realist, or maybe he's told her his lust will eventually lose steam, but love is forever (and she believes him)?

Dear Get a Clue:
Because infamy rarely, if ever, equals intelligence.

Dear Ted:
I'd like some info on Jennifer Aniston, Justin Theroux and his ex Heidi Bivens. While a relationship can be really important and heartfelt, an actual marriage is something that can be publicly verified and is more socially binding—what with court systems, alimony, division of assets, etc. It's weird to me that people make excuses for not wanting marriage. Clearly, people don't get married because they want to leave themselves a wider, cleaner loophole to escape out of when, and not if, they meet someone better suited to them. In my mind, because he didn't marry Heidi, they were still dating. Dating is what you do while you look for the right person. When you marry someone, you're choosing them over all others, to make a commitment to yourself, to that person and to show that commitment to everyone else. I'm not trashing on BF-GF relationships, but aren't they supposed to be the precursor? Should Jen be as hated for dating him as Angie was for breaking up Jen's marriage? It doesn't fit...

Dear Marriage Woes:
We might not know the timeline of what went down between Justin and his former flame, but if one thing's for sure, Jen won't be stripped of her America's Sweetheart title anytime soon. And another: Your interpretation of marriage is terribly outdated, very '50s. Lots of people just don't believe in it. Let them be.

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