Bitch-Back! Justin, Time for an Upgrade, Please!

Readers are still buzzing about the Academy Awards and some additional juice.

Dear Ted:
How good did Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis look together when they presented at the Oscars?! That would be one hot couple, if you ask me. She is gorgeous and (more importantly!) seems smart and nice; he's not bad to look at, either. If Justin and Jessica Biel break up, what type of girl(s) do you think Justin will go for?
—Em

Dear Matchmaker:
We all saw the sparks. We're sure Jessica did too, since she and J.T. weren't necessarily inseparable at the Oscar afterparties Sunday night. Mila is by far the hottest thing to hit Hollywood right now, and Justin can only do fab with that fine piece. Doubt anyone hotter is on his radar. But as scorching hot as they would be together, is no one else worried that he may hurt the Black Swan starlet? Especially after those serious eight years she had with Macaulay Culkin. Oh, screw it. They'd be banging.

Dear Ted:
Apparently, I was one of only a few people who actually liked the Oscars and thought both hosts did a good job. What's with the haters? Were those two too pretty and too politically correct? Also gotta mention...I'm with you, something about Nicole Kidman does not sit right with me.
—esol138

Dear Appreciator, Not Hater:
Good for you, hon! I mean, we all have our personal preferences. Someone's snooze might be another's climax, what did ya know! But we can all agree those two were carrying each other all night. The funniest part of the night was Russell Brand's five minutes of French, or even Robert Downey Jr. and Jude Law's presentation. All night we haters were just picking and choosing which presenters would have done a better job hosting, and that's baaad. And about Nicole, I have the feeling we're not alone.

Dear Ted:
What news do you have of Winona Ryder? With all the praises Black Swan got, I read very little of her. It's like she is nonexistent. Was she even at the Oscars? Will Hollywood ever give her another chance? It's been a decade already, and she paid for what she's done. She is such a great actress. I miss seeing her on the screen (in good roles, meaningful roles).
—vmundy

Dear Two Minute Wonder:
She was in it, that's all. She makes a good crazy ballerina, so claps for the casting director. I hope she gets 15 minutes in the near future, too. But until then, I think directors are holding their breath on her, among other things.

Dear Ted:
As one of your loyal fans and Blind Vice junkies, I was not surprised to see the news about Christina Aguilera's arrest. I was taken aback however, at the media feeling it was necessary to release her height and weight. I would understand if this was done in conjunction with her blood alcohol level, but it was not, which to me makes it come off as just mean spirited. It's like inviting the world to (pun intended) weigh in on her size at this embarrassing time whether people feel that she is too small or too big. Was this info really necessary? Am I the only one who finds it totally out of place?
—Sammi

Dear Details, Details:
Hello? It was TMZ. Any kind of info is good info to them, and it probably will just fuel a story they plan to do about how X-tina isn't as fat as she looks. So wrong on so many levels. The doll needs help, and we are here to support her through it, regardless of the chick's height and weight. Please.

Dear Ted:
Why wasn't Kathy Griffin available to host the Oscars this year? You know she'd take the gig in a heartbeat!
—mookindahouse

Dear Oscar Should Haves:
Don't know where she was, but she would have rocked it. And trust, she is one female who could handle James Franco's broody, too-cool-to-host-the-Oscars attitude. Why didn't Anne turn to James at one point, and say, "Dude, get enough sleep last night?" Kathy would have—and then some.

Dear Ted:
Are the Dancing With the Stars producers that dumb in hiring Kirstie Alley this season? She can barely move...at all!
—mookindahouse

Dear Alley Hater:
Man, give the gal a chance. This could be her final chance at shedding that weight that yo-yos back and forth. I'm all for it, as long as she falls on her face once or twice while practicing. Now, that would be good TV.

Dear Ted:
I heard a rumor that Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are no longer staying together in Vancouver. Is that true?
—Luna

Dear Calm Down:
You have got to be messing with me? They just spent a cute weekend together. Splitsville and moving out, à la Dianna Agron and Alex Pettyfer, is not even around seven billion corners, jeez.

Dear Ted:
Your Black Swan costume and dancing made me belly laugh! Thank you. My question is about Gwyneth Paltrow. Is an announcement about her and Chris Martin separating coming soon? She looks so unhappy. It would be sad.
—Carmel in Minnesota

Dear Country Sad:
That separation would be sad, indeed. We've really developed a newfound appreciation for Paltrow, post-Country Strong. You know what, though? That separation would explain the curious fervor surrounding our dude leaving his wife after the Oscars. But still I have a hunch it ain't them, as down in the dumps as she looked on Sunday night.

Dear Ted:
Clearly, you read the comments section. Are we close in guessing who Super-Duper Cooper is?
—Amber

Dear Bossy:
Do I make a beautiful, black swan? Not even going to give you a straight answer for that one, sorry about it.

Dear Ted:
I don't know if you noticed, but your blog is going crazy about Rob, Kristen and their L.A. weekend, so for the sake of my sanity, could you please look into the Us Weekly story and those vet and clothing vintage store sightings that I'm sure you already read about and set the record straight once and for all?
—teejayjenson

Dear Loud and Clear:
I get where you are coming from, and obviously I see the freaking out over Robsten that always takes over the blog. As per the Us article, the two were definitely getting über cute and couple-y at American Vintage in Sherman Oaks this weekend, but they were not sucking face at Chateau Marmont. Who do you think they are, Demi and Ashton? Plus, we are almost positive the duo was at a vet in Ventura Friday and stopped at Griffith Observatory late the night of that party. Way more their scene, no?

Dear Ted:
Taylor Swift sure seems to get around. It seems like she's dated half of Hollywood, Joe Jonas, John Mayer, Taylor Lautner, Jake Gyllenhaal, Cory Monteith and now Chord Overstreet! Now, some of them have to be for publicity, and some for real so I was wondering who goes where? Or how many go where.
—Tallie

Dear Dating With Reason:
They all go in the same place, believe me. Well, maybe all of them except Mayer. He's an exception, like always.

Dear Ted:
This is maybe off the wall but is Joseph Gordon-Levitt King Schlong?
—lesfin

Dear Long Schlong Shot:
No. You are thinking way too sweet, doll. This dude is bigger, and badder, than that.

Dear Ted:
My Robsten heart is breaking. Was Kristen really kissing someone else Friday night? I know said she was with Rob, but word is Rob was already in Vancouver by then.
—adriannaling

Dear Whip That Frown, Now:
Dolls, do me a favor and read the dish I'm working hard to give you all! Look, Rob wasn't there smooching, but neither was Kristen, according to our sources. And let's just keep it that way. We'd rather be in love with Robsten than dealing with a breakup, right? The two are tight, no need to fret, people!