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    Bitch-Back! Hos, Housewives & Robsten—Of Course!

    Kelsey Grammer, Camille Grammer Marc Stamas/Getty Images; Shahar Azran/Filmmagic

    Dear Ted:
    You recently referred to Kelsey Grammer as a "bucket of sleaze," but now you're quasi-defending him by quoting insiders from his camp. Make up your mind! And I think it's obvious, even to someone who has never watched a single episode of Real Housewives, that Camille is a class-A shrew. Kelsey might not be perfect, but clearly he's had a blue streak of bad choices when it comes to women. He and Kayte look to be the real deal. How 'bout we give love a chance?
    Julie from Texas and her two rescue cats, rescue dog, and rescue crawfish

    Dear Heated Over Housewives:
    Jeez, doll, hold your whore-ses. We aren't reppin' any Team Kelsey/Camille T-shirts just yet—even though we're sure gold-diggin' goldielocks wouldn't mind the advertisement. All we're saying is that our spies tell us Kels and Camille were more business than pleasure, and that contract's up most def! All cheaters are sleazers in our book, but when your ex-wifey is that whiney and slow, it's no surprise it'll take a few days to breach that s—t!

    Dear Ted:
    It seems like some people still don't get it. Why is it that so many Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart fans are up in arms about our fave babe not going to the Golden Globes? So what if she doesn't go? They don't need to be at every single event together to show they are still very much a couple. It's part of their jobs. Seriously, why are some obsessing over it? If anything, why not talk about the future projects they will work on after Twilight. Now that would be interesting. Can we say Cosmopolis?
    Lo

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    Dear No-Show Globes:
    Amen to that! We are all for the miss independent vibe, and Kristen should def do whatever the ef she pleases. I mean, did you see her at the People's Choice Awards? She looked so hawt, but it was like pulling fangs when she got up to accept that award with her main men. Let the doll take an award show break! Plus, we all know she won't let Oscar down.

    Dear Ted:
    Who would you say is the most loved girl in the Twilight cast by fans?
    h

    Dear Wake Up 'n' Smell the K.Stew:
    Hoping you got your answer from all of today's Kristen questions, or maybe from every friggin' article we post! Duh, it's all about Kristen Stewart when it comes to the Twi-hards' hearts. For those a little less vamped, we could see how Ashley Greene and Nikki Reed could be close seconds—on a good day. As much as we heart them all, Krisbians outnumber the rest, hands down.

    Dear Ted:
    What's going on over there in L.A.? It seems like there's another pregnancy announcement everyday! Mariah, Pink, Natalie, Kate, Posh, Jewel and now Selma Blair?! Tell me please, is Cass Stimulatia still without a bun in her oven?
    —Lisa

    Dear Baby Business:
    So many mamas, so little stimulation for Cass! Let's just put it out there: We're crossing our fingers that she'll get to fully baking that bun, but for now she's got enough second-hand mommy glow to hold her down. The only thing that makes us sick of the soon-to-be mommies (aside from Cass' probs) is Beyoncé's not-so-bun-filled oven. Come on, we want some baby Young Hovs and B's running around—give Willow Smith a run for her hair-whippin' money already.


    Dear Ted:
    So we know Barrington, Nevis and Nevis' girl keep making waves for the (consensual) love triangle. I keep having this nagging feeling though. Is this not a triangle so much as a harmonious rectangle, where Nevis' girl gets some on the side herself?
    —Sarah

    Dear Triangulation:
    Nevis' main dish is more into herself and Nevis than any side dishes. At least, that's how she likes to play the relaysh to you fanatics. Four sides would be way too complicated for this chick—she likes to keep it casual. Hate to break that rectangular heart of yours!

    Dear Ted:
    Were Pam Anderson and Kid Rock actually a bitter breakup, per your photo section caption? I always assumed the proposal went something like "Hey, wanna get married and divorced?" And I know you noticed George Clooney and Sandra Bullock are rumored to be staring in Gravity. Will it happen?
    —lance

    Dear Left Field:
    Rando thoughts about Hollywood's craziest ex-duo or what? Whatever Kid Rock's weirdo proposal was like, we're just glad the two, fists and all, are dunzo! That twosome was toxic from the get-go. We're sure at least the Kid will bounce back. I mean, if Tommy Lee can do it, why can't he? As for George and Sandy, we just drooled all over out cubicles. That beautiful cinematic combo would defy gravity, not to mention next years Globes!


    Dear Ted:
    I've written in a few times and all but once, my questions were ignored. I'm in hopes, since today is my birthday that I may get lucky. First question, is Lucretia Johnson Jessica Simpson? Second question, is it possible for a high-profile couple to act as beards for one another? Say, I don't know, Kristin Stewart and Robert Pattinson? Maybe they both enjoy same-sex dalliances. Not saying they aren't in to each other...maybe they are both bi and what better way to kind of hide that aspect of oneself by having a high-profile romance to divert from it? Make sense? And last, say I guess a B.V. correctly, are you going to post my guess or just completely ignore it? If I guess, and you don't answer, does that mean I am right? My rescue beagles, Larry and Rocco, are also curious.
    —K

    Dear Birthday Be-yotch:
    Happy Birthday, hon! This one's just for you—since we're not known for our singing skills we'll stick to a birthday dish, not a song. Robsten are clean shaven, believe you me. Beards, however, are all over H'wood and really cloggin' up the scene. Wait, did you have a Blind Vice question? Kisses to the pooches and hope your day is amaze!

    Dear Ted:
    You've hinted in the past about the Robsten timeline being of interest, and you've also hinted that Kristen's relationship with Michael Angarano ran very hot-cold and rocky. So what I want to know is if Kristen and Michael were still officially together when those cheesy paparazzi piggy-back shots were taken way back when, and whether or not Robsten existed in those days?
    —TimelineIntrigued

    Dear Time's of the Nonsense:
    Everyone piggy-backs here and there—it's no biggy, trust. Your Twi-hearts are safe and sound, at least for now. We're just hoping Michael doesn't reappear post-Twilight mania..

    Dear Ted:
    I love Kyle and Mauricio, but is he as faithful as she thinks?
    —barismall14

    Dear No Hoe Here:
    Talk about our power dream couple. Yum times a billion—mostly for that hunk of a Spaniard, Mauricio. We hope he's faithful, otherwise there goes our fantasy reality show familia. With those biceps, and not to mention that sexy accent, who wouldn't try to sway that stud between their sheets? OK, sorry Kyle, just sayin' Mauricio's our cup of spicy tea, too!

    Dear Ted:
    So first Nick Lachey gets engaged and Jessica Simpson can't wait a week to announce her own engagement. Then we hear Owen Wilson is going to be a dad and surprise, surprise...three days later, here's Kate Hudson with her own baby announcement. What's up with these whack jobs who have to say or do anything to one-up their exes? I used to like Kate, but now that she's decided to lower herself to Jessica's level, I have lost all respect for the broad. Are these girls so insecure that they can't let their exes have more than a few days of publicity? Or is it that they have to get their "me, too" in? It's disgusting. What's your take?
    —PDilly

    Dear Over the One-Upping:
    Not even gonna lie: The Jessica and Nick business was a tad bit suspicious. Plus, we know Jess has stayed bitten by the jealousy bug postdivorce. But Jess and that no-name fiancé seem über into each other, so maybe Kate—who is such a doll, come on—will get her chance at love and baby bumps. Cheesy, we know, but if you can't beat the rom-coms why not join 'em, eh?

    Dear Ted:
    Have Rob and Kristen broken up? Please say it ain't so!
    —Worried

    Dear Call a Paramedic:
    Jokes, jokes! We saved this piece of poo-poo for last just to say—what the ef is wrong with you people? Do Robsten have to do it in the middle of an L.A. intersection for you to believe they are snoggin'. Quit your worrying, and keep up with the Twi news.

    MORE: Get more of our daily goss dishing in the Bitch-Back section!

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