Week in Review: Lindsay Lohan Just Won't Stay Put!

Meanwhile, Paris Hilton isn't allowed into Japan and Katy Perry's not allowed onto Sesame Street

It's apparently very hard for starlets to learn their lessons these days.

So before they make the same mistake thrice, we've taken the liberty of pointing out their most glaring flaws right here:

THAR SHE GOES: Just when we think she's in, they pull her back out! Lindsay Lohan's attorney earned her paycheck Friday, getting a judge to overturn ASAP the ruling that meant to stick Lindsay in the slammer for 30 days with nothing to do but watch her roots grow out while waiting for her Oct. 22 probation hearing. Instead, LiLo paid $300,000 and must stay out of bars, avoid drugs and the people who use them, and be willing to submit to a search at any time. All in the hope that she's not just going to be shipped back for another 30 days a month from now. Next stop, rehab?

SAYONARA: Japan decided it had no use for Paris Hilton if she was going to be that way and refused to stamp her passport, so the plea deal-accepting scenester scrapped plans to tour Asia in the name of fashion.

SHOCKER: Guess what?! Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler are the new judges on American Idol! Randy Jackson has prepared dawg collars for them and everything. Boy, we sure didn't see this one coming. Like, whoa.

SWEEPING THE CLEAVAGE AWAY: Elmo thinks she's pretty, but the overzealous children's programming police objected to Katy Perry's barely there hint of breast in the costume she wore for a "Hot n Cold" parody with the pitchy red Muppet. So while it's a hit on YouTube, it won't be brought to you by the W.M. Keck Foundation anytime soon. Unlike True Mud, which is being served straight up.

STRETCHED TOO THIN: Already suffering on a painful knee, David Hasselhoff was the first celeb booted from Dancing With the Stars. But oh how the viewers drank it up, giving the surprisingly promising Bristol Palin a bigger audience than her mom gets on Fox News. Meanwhile, we're hoping Jennifer Grey dances to a song from Dirty Dancing every week.

TV LAND: Gwyneth Paltrow headed to Glee?!...Be sure and vote for what you love—and what sucks—so far this fall...Joaquin Phoenix's apologizes to David Letterman...Peep John Stamos and Britney Spears on Glee...Glee gang on The Simpsons...Lauren Conrad gets another show...Justin Bieber debuted his dramatic baby teeth on CSI...All-star lineup for next Top Chef...Brad Womack getting another shot at being The Bachelor?...Vincent D'Onofrio returning to Law & Order: Criminal Intent...Spartacus: Blood and Sand star Andy Whitfield will miss the series' second season to undergo treatment for lymphona.

WEDDING BELLS: Miley Cyrus nowhere near engaged...American Idol runner-up Crystal Bowersox engaged to musician beau...Nicole Richie and Joel Madden planning to make it official in December...Kings of Leon frontman Caleb Followill engaged to model Lily Aldridge...Supermodel Maggie Rizer tied the knot with mere mortal Alex Mehran...Eddie Vedder swapped vows with longtime love Jill McCormick...Kelly McGillis and partner Melanie Leis made it as official as possible in New Jersey.

DE TO DE: Portia de Rossi is now Portia DeGeneres.

BABY TALK: Khloé Kardashian Odom and Lamar Odom are having fun trying to get pregnant. Fancy that.

BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME: 29-year-old Kim Kardashian acknowledged she was just too young for Botox. She's not too young for the swingin' single life, though.

UNDER THE KNIFE: Bret Michaels will have surgery to repair the hole in his heart. Which sounds like a metaphor, but isn't.

UNREAL, HOUSEWIVES: Danielle Staub's ex-husband has a twisted sense of karmic justice. Maybe he's never watched one of those scary cartel-involving eps of Law & Order...Tamra Barney's estranged husband was busted after she called the cops on him...Teresa Giudice's hubby Joe jailed for driving infraction.

I LOVE YOU, MAN: Adam Levine insists Jake Gyllenhaal isn't marooned in the closet.

AFTERLIFE: Lady Gaga's meat dress is going to be made into jerky.

COURTING: Elisabeth Moss divorcing Fred Armisen...Heart's Nancy Wilson divorcing Cameron Crowe...Deadliest Catch captains sued by their own network...Mel Gibson behind on his bills?...The ex isn't letting up on Mel, either...David Beckham goes after In Touch for reporting he patronized a prostitute...Judge rules Disturbia not a rip-off...Lindsay Lohan dropped $100 million suit against E-Trade.

CRIME & PUNISHMENT: Raising Sextuplet dad Bryan Masche arrested for allegedly threatening his father-in-law, loudly, in front of the kids and being too dumb to let the cops cuff him...Rapper Lyfe Jennings gets prison for fighting too good of a fight...Madonna fan busted for getting creepy...Bruno Mars brought down to Earth...Randy and Evi Quaid caught squatting.

FILM SCHOOL: Newest Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows trailer!...Revamping Adventures in Babysitting with Jonah Hill?...Deleted scene from Iron Man 2...Go see these 5 movies this fall!...Rooney Mara already hobbled by The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo?...The Breakfast Club, minus the athlete, reunites for film's 25th anniversary...Vince Vaughn's got a Dilemma in this trailer.

FAREWELL: Eddie Fisher, singer, actor and onetime husband to Debbie Reynolds, Elizabeth Taylor and Connie Stevens, died of complications from hip surgery at 82...Leonard Skinner, Florida gym teacher who inspired the name Lynyrd Skynyrd, died at 77.

PRODUCT PLACEMENT: Ali Lohan modeling her big sister's new fashion line...Gwen Stefani immortalized in wax...Michael Jackson video game Planet Michael on tap...Mariah Carey launching a fashion line for HSN.

SEEN: Justin Bieber, on pillow cases...Topless Nicole Richie strolling the beach in Cabo during her bachelorette-party getaway...Reese Witherspoon smooching BF Jim Toth at a Livestrong benefit...Madonna and daughter Lourdes launching their Material Girl line in NYC...Taylor Momsen shrugging off Tim Gunn's comments on Madonna's red carpet...Kim Kardashian getting into the spirit of Oktoberfest in Munich...Usher, Leonardo DiCaprio and Robert De Niro enjoying the opening of Premiere Supper Club in Hollywood...Michael Douglas looking good with Catherine Zeta Jones at the NYC premiere of Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps...Tyra Banks suiting up with banker beau John Utendahl at the Wall Street premiere...Kate Winslet and BF Louis Dowler getting cozy at Vanity Fair's party during the San Sebastian Film Festival in Spain...Lady Gaga speaking up at a rally protesting Don't Ask, Don't Tell...Stephen Colbert, as himself, testifying before Congress about the plight of the migrant farm worker...The Jonas Brothers playing softball at Cal State Long Beach's Blair Field...Sarah Jessica Parker, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell, and others paying respects at Alexander McQueen memorial in London...Rihanna celebrating Katy Perry's impending nuptials in Las Vegas.