Keith Barraclough/DiscoveryWe could not care less who is singing at the Super Bowl halftime show, because we've been waiting with bated breath to find out who will be playing at halftime during the Puppy Bowl. In case you weren't aware, the halftime show at the Puppy Bowl always features kittens, so we've been guessing who they would get to "perform" for months now. Maru? Grumpy Cat? The cat from this dreamy Internet-winning video?
Nope, the 2014 Puppy Bowl halftime show will feature not one, but two iconic cats, as reported by EW. The one and only Keyboard Cat (or the latest reincarnation of Keyboard Cat) will be performing "Locked Out of Heaven" (get it? because Bruno Mars is performing at the Super Bowl halftime show?) and Lil' Bub is also making an appearance.
Now we all know that halftime shows at the Super Bowl are almost always full of controversy, scandals or moments that we talk about nonstop for a day and half, so we assume the Puppy Bowl will be no different. Here are just some of the situations that might go down come Super Bowl Sunday:
1. Wardrobe Malfunction: Keyboard Cat will almost certainly rip the top off of Lil' Bub at the end of "Locked Out of Heaven." Lil' Bub will be wearing a nipple pastie that is adorned with the face of Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson, making this two scandals in one. Later, Keyboard Cat will swear up and down he didn't know Lil' Bub planned that.
2. Blackout: The lights will go out right in the middle of the show, so the kittens will have to rely on laser pointers for the rest of the performance. One laser handler will be a real d—k and continually point the red dot at a camera man's crotch.
3. Reunion Time: It's been rumored for weeks, but apparently Hamilton the Hipster Cat and Nala the Cross-eyed Cat are supposed to make an appearance with Keyboard Cat. We hear that Hamilton and Nala will be shot out from underneath the stage. One of them will definitely stick the landing and look like a boss, while the other will stumble a bit and be mocked for weeks. (Looking at you, Hamilton).
4. The Middle Finger: Keyboard Cat will give the cameras (and the world) the bird. Or an actual bird will be let loose during the show and the cats will stop everything to hunt their prey.
5. Taylor Swift Surprise: Swifty will duet with her cat Meredith to her new song titled "I Knew You Were Trouble When You Peed Outside Your Litter Box." Taylor will lock eyes with Meredith once during her performance and every outlet in the world will report/speculate that they're dating and that Taylor has already written a breakup tune about Meredith.
6. Feud Alert: Both Princess Monster Truck and Colonel Meow will shell out millions of dollars to air commercials during the show that promote their new line of hair care products. After the Puppy Bowl, they'll tweet passive aggressive jabs at each other over whose commercial was better.
7. Bad Angles: Lil' Bub will put everything into her performance. She will be fierce. She will be a dancing machine. But then she'll see all the unflattering photos the press took of her and demand they all be removed from the Internet. Spoiler alert: the Internet will not obey.
We can't wait to see if our Puppy Bowl predictions come true. Because like the great poet Ellie Goulding once sang: anything can happen.