Week in Review: Adam Lambert's Out There and Lovin' Every Minute of It!

Adam Lambert shocks and awes, practically eclipses New Moon, attention-wise...Donny Osmond wins Dancing...Jon & Kate signs off...We have to say, it was a good week

Robert Pattinson who? The man of the hour this week, for better or for worse, was Adam Lambert, whose undiscriminating use of both male and female private parts while he wailed "For Your Entertainment" at the AMAs got people talking. Not to mention clucking, finger-wagging and grandstanding.

But such is what happens in a relatively slow week when most people are rushing back to the market for that one essential Thanksgiving item they forgot.

Tums are in aisle 1, ma'am. Your week in review is after the jump.

1. Adam Lambert ran amok! The Parent Television Council's favorite new punching bag went from mildly controversial American Idol runner-up to conservative lightning rod overnight, following his any-crotch-goes performance at the 2009 American Music Awards. Other things happened, too, including a posthumous win for Michael Jackson, a Whitney Houston comeback, and another spate of Taylor Swiftian triumphs. Hell, Jennifer Lopez fell onstage! But at this rate, no one's going to remember anything but Lambert's closing number, which got him tsk-tsked on The View, dropped by Good Morning America and lambasted by people who still haven't figured out how to get their poor, impressionable babies to bed by 10:45 p.m. on a school night. Lambert's supporters have pointed out that Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera were selling malleable sexuality in prime time—usually while wearing even less, and at an even younger age than the 27-year-old suit-favoring stunner—years ago. Lambert himself said it flat out: "I think it's because I'm a gay male and people haven't seen that before."

2. Well, at least all the fuddy-duddies out there had Donny Osmond's big win on Dancing With the Stars to remind them that society is, in fact, not going to hell in a handbasket. Utah's favorite son—and, we readily admit, our fave contestant this season—beat out the more polished Mya and the more emotionally endearing Kelly Osbourne to win the disco-ball trophy. So why was he our fave? Somehow he has perfected the genuinely nice 'n' sincere thing without coming off like a d-bag. And, come on, ladies, you know it's true: He's adorable.

3. The Twilight Saga: New Moon couldn't quite make it over a certain very high box office hump, on the other side of which are all-time opening-weekend moneymakers The Dark Knight and Spider-Man 3. But the $142.8 million it did earn definitely puts it in the nonfailure category, not to mention No. 3 on that illustrious list. Sounds like it's time to start the Eclipse countdown and make fun of Breaking Dawn! Obviously, Kristen Stewart and Rob Pattinson figure there's safety in numbers. Taylor Lautner, however, appears to be relying on his own strong core for protection.

4. Courtney Cox Arquette and her family seem to be fine, but she gave us all something to talk about when Cougar Town abruptly closed up shop so that she could deal with a personal matter. The show was on a scheduled hiatus this past week and everyone is due back on set Monday.

5. Sweet, sweet release! TLC aired the final episode of Jon & Kate Plus 8 on Monday. In summary: The almost-divorced Kate Gosselin doesn't see much of a future for Jon and Hailey, she worries about Jon's motivations for taking their kids to hazardous places like the local firehouse and she never intended for Jon to "not be in the driver's seat." We'd feel bad for him if not for his whole personality thing. And what is wrong with Michael Lohan?!

6. Unlike Adam Lambert, Rihanna was welcomed with open arms to GMA to talk about her new album, Rated R, and the creative process that led to the so far critically acclaimed studio effort. She even talked a little bit about gaining weight—yeah, right, ya skinny-minny—to further endear herself to besties Diane Sawyer and Robin Roberts.

7. Preempting any rolling-pin rumbles, Martha Stewart made nice with Rachael Ray.

8. Selena Gomez made nice with Twilight. At press time, Miley was still a hater.

9. A new Miss California USA was crowned. Go ahead, Nicole Johnson, just try and shock us.

10. Bail but no freedom yet for Roman Polanski...Carrie Ann Inaba had surgery to relieve arthritic pressure in her spine...Jennifer Lopez's first ex-hubby is talking no-sex tapes...Pneumonia-stricken Nicole Richie is out of the hospital...Kim Kardashian is shrinking...Justin Bieber got an ouchie...Paula Deen got beaned...Lamar Odom and Khloé Kardashian bought a newlywed nest...Guilty verdict for Sarah Jessica Parker surrogate snooper...No DUI charge for John Kerry's daughter...Howard K. Stern partially cleared his legal docket...Michael Jackson's embattled doc returned to work...The King of Pop's moonwalk-introducing glove sold for $350,000 at auction...Some reality wannabes crashed the president's White House dinner...Tiger Woods emerged from a solo car crash with cuts and bruises.