So far, you've made it through three years of the ringer: Early morning classes. Terrible day-long hangovers. Professors who hated you. Papers you've failed. Terrifying dining hall "food." Awkward hookups. Even more awkward breakups. A whole lot of library. Miserable roommates. Shower shoes.
So, by the time your final year of college rolls around, there are so few f--ks left to be given even the basics seem hard to accomplish, like…
1. Attending (and Enjoying) Any Form of a Real Party
You've forgotten what it means to "go out" and generally prefer to all pile onto your futons, drink beer and watch movies (or maybe that's just us). You've forgotten how to "frat" and your idea of a "party" is a whole hell of a lot smaller than it was freshman year. You're *exclusive* now and a room full of strangers sounds like an absolute nightmare.
2. Making It Through an Entire Sporting Event
Honestly, by the time you get to the game, you're too drunk to: (A) stand on shaky bleachers for, like, three hours and (B) make it through a game without rehydrating. Your TV begins to look more and more appealing, mostly because there is a fully stocked fridge nearby. Really, the whole thing is sad because you should be taking in every moment of your last college football season.
3. Being Fun and Friendly During Breaks
Here's usually how it goes down: Attempt to pack in a hungover haze. Barely make it to the airport in time. Arrive home and leave your suitcase by the door. Demand that mom unpacks and does your laundry, pleeeease. Spend all of break eating local food and cuddling with your dog. Make up excuses why you can't go out (usually blaming parents). Drink with said parents. Sleep a lot. Catch up on TV. Get tired of being home and hurry back to school. Sorry, high school friends, coincidentally there was no time for you.
4. Giving a Flying F--k About Class
Freshman year, you'd get all done-up in hopes of meeting cool new friends. You had little to no say over your schedule, so it usually consisted of a lot of morning classes and Friday discussion sections. Now, you wake up right before your afternoon classes and roll onto campus. Friday classes aren't even an option while enrolling, heaven forbid you have anything less than a three-day weekend. Your GPA has pretty much figured itself out by now and you justify drinking during the week because "we'll never remember the nights we got too much sleep."
5. Consuming Food Like a Functioning Member of Society
Breakfast has become a thing of the past and you've gone from making yourself a protein-rich acai berry parfait to inhaling cold pizza. Ramen starts to look pretty great, especially since you're saving money so you can live out in the "real world." One day you'll eat at fancy restaurants on your own dime and without your parents, but today is not that day.
6. Meeting New People
Making new friends at this point seems a little fatalist. You're graduating soon and you've already got your crew all figured out. Honestly, sometimes you are genuinely disgusted at the idea of having to leave your bed and socialize with people that aren't your best friend or significant other. So, you'll make up an academic-sounding excuse and stay at home watching Chopped.
7. Drinking Like a Sophisticated Human
You've tried really hard to drink out of those Pottery Barn glasses your mom got you. Eventually though, your hatred for doing dishes has let you to you drink straight from bottles. You've held off for as long as possible, but things inevitably devolved and you're left taking wine straight to the dome. Sophistication was nice while it lasted.
8. Getting to the Student Center
You've moved so far away from freshman dorms you can hardly find your way back to campus. Doing work from the comfort of your own home seems a lot more appealing than making the trek to Starbucks, especially when the weather is anything but absolutely perfect. Your laziness has reached new levels and you're even tempted to skip group project meetings because they're so far.
9. Acting Put Together Around Incoming Students
As a freshman, prospective students made you power-trip, but now you're too old to care. You don't care about your lack of daily school pride and you definitely don't care if that uptight father can clearly tell you're hungover on a Wednesday.
10. Keeping in Touch With Inconvenient Friends
Those friends from your sophomore-year dorm? Texting them is apparently too difficult. Those friends that live on the other side of campus? Nice try, but there's no way you're making that walk. If you're wondering why seniors are so gung-ho about living with/next door to their best friends, this is why.
11. Avoiding Thinking About the Future
You've done a fantastic job lying to your relatives about how you'll put your anthropology degree to good use, but now it's time to put your money where your mouth is. You've got a to-do list the length of the Great Wall, cover letters are the new research paper, and you swear to god if grandma offers one more time for you to live with her post-grad…Also, student loans. Sorry about that one.
Well, here's to getting reckless this year before you're forced into the cold and cruel job market.