Important note regarding this ranking: We are ranking the movie versions of these X-Men characters. We repeat: These rankings are based solely on the film versions from the four X-Men movies and Wolverine spinoffs. So while some of the X-Men are actually awesome in the comic books, they might have been ruined in the film (lookin' your way, Deadpool), which will lower their ranking. Also, we understand that half of these folks are technically not X-Men, but just students or part of The Hellfire Club or the Brotherhood or whatever. We're ranking mutants, so they all count.
Any new mutants in X-Men: Days of Future Past are not included because we don't know how cool or how lame they'll be until we see it!
Without further delay, the definitive ranking of the mutants from the X-Men film franchise, from worst to best:
38. Kestrel (will.i.am)
Boom Boom No.
37. Arclight (Omahyra Mota)
36. Bolt (Dominic Monaghan)
According to what the movie showed us, we have the exact same power as Bolt. All we need is The Clapper.
35. Toad (Ray Park)
He's a toad. Next.
34. Blob (Kevin Durand)
We just felt bad for this guy.
33. Callisto (Dania Ramirez)
Kind of forgettable. All we remember is Storm electrocuting her ass.
32. Spike (Lance Gibson)
Who needs Spike when we have Quill? Or vice versa? You see the problem here?
31. Psylocke (Meiling Melançon)
We love teleporters, but like most of the mutants in Last Stand, she really didn't do much for us.
30. Quill (Ken Leung)
A walking pincushion, basically. He did have some sass, so he was one of the more memorably Brotherhood mutants in X3.
29. Banshee (Caleb Landry Jones)
Pretty dumb power. Although he could fly so at least he's got that going for him.
28. Sabretooth (Liev Schreiber)
You were never as cool as Wolverine and you will never be as cool as Wolverine!
27. Juggernaut (Vinnie Jones)
Super strength? Yawn. Seen it.
26. Angel (Ben Foster)
Flying is less cool when you have wings that can be shot off, ya know? But we heart you, Ben Foster.
25. Tempest (Zoë Kravitz)
One rank higher than Warren Worthington's Angel because she can spit acid loogies.
24. Multiple Man (Eric Dane)
Bumped up a few spots because a world with multiple McSteamy's is a joyful one indeed.
23. Deadpool (Ryan Reynolds)
Prepare for rant: Deadpool is without a doubt one of our favorite X-Men. He's snarky. He's funny. He's got personality. He's just plain cool. And the casting with Ryan Reynolds was perfect! We were so excited about this one and then we went and saw Wolverine and not only did we see Deadpool for just two minutes (not even in his costume), but they sewed his mouth shut in the end when he became Weapon XI! Don't do that to Deadpool! Damn. We'd love to rank this last because we are still so pissed about how they treated his character, but Ryan did a good job with what they gave him so…middle territory it is.
22. Colossus (Daniel Cudmore)
More super-strength, but he can also turn himself into steel which his pretty cool.
21. White Queen (January Jones)
Emma Frost as a mutant is cool (get it?), but January Jones kind of made her boring. We get it, her personality is supposed to be icy. But somehow the Man Men star just played her dreadfully dull instead of delightfully chilly.
20. Riptide (Álex González)
Basically Storm, but can only create and control certain weather: tornadoes.
19. Storm (Halle Berry)
She can control weather! How cool is that? Well, both Halle Berry and the people behind the X-Men movies managed to make it not very cool at all. It's a shame because growing up, Storm was one of our favorites from the comics. What happened, guys?
18. Agent Zero (Daniel Henney)
A ruthless marksman who gets one of the cooler deaths in X-Men Origins. And by that we mean he gets the ol' Wolverine walking away from an explosion treatment.
17. Beast (Nicholas Hoult)
We didn't like you trying to push your insecurities on Raven in First Class, and your power isn't as cool as you think it is, Hank! Also, your name is Hank. Yes, you grow up to be a very important person in the mutant-human fight, but you're also a big, blue hairy beast so…it evens out. Also, Kelsey Grammer plays him as an adult, which could be a positive or a negative, depending on who you ask.
16. Cyclops (James Marsden)
Scott Summers is the straight man in the X-Men universe, which meant he couldn't be too snarky or too flashy or too memorable. But this series needed the infamous Cyclops, make no mistake about that. Especially when he's one-third of the big love triangle, even if he's the third person that viewers wish would step back so Jean and Logan could bang. Also, Cyclops was smokin' hot.
15. Shawn Ashmore (Iceman)
Not quite as cool as Pyro, but where's there's fire, there needs to be ice. Or something.
14. Havok (Lucas Till)
Hula-hoopin' rings of plasma like a boss.
13. Pyro (Aaron Stanford)
Fire is cool. Person controlling fire? Very cool.
12. Gambit (Taylor Kitsch)
He didn't get much screen time, but he's higher on the list mostly for superficial reasons. He's hot. Sorry not sorry. Taylor as Gambit left us wanting more, and isn't that the point of movie characters? So why is Channing Tatum the new Gambit?! Whatever, Riggins forever.
11. Shadowcat (Ellen Page)
We hope that Days of Future Past bumps her up this list, because we were disappointed with Kitty in X3. Not because of Ellen's portrayal, which was great. Just because we needed more from her character.
10. Azazel (Jason Flemyng)
Azazel gets a higher ranking for one big reason: After attacking the Russian ship in X-Men: First Class, Azazel is shown wearing the captain's hat as he steers the ship. Why? No one can see him. He's all alone. He put on that hat just for himself, just for fun. And that is why Azazel rules. He's also the father of Nightcrawler, one of our favorite movie mutants.
9. Lady Deathstrike (Kelly Hu)
A female Wolverine that kicked his ass? We were obsessed with her.
8. Phoenix (Famke Janssen)
Kind of a Professor X in training, no? She was one of the last X-Men we thought would sacrifice herself to save the group, but she did it anyway in X2. Unfortunately, X3 kind of ruined her Phoenix. But she did tame the beast that is Wolverine, so big points for that.
7. Rogue (Anna Paquin)
What's more dangerous than a mutant with incredible powers? A mutant that can steal those incredible powers. Add that to the fact that she can kill you with a simple kiss and you are simply out of arguments against why Rogue should be in the top 10.
6. Nightcrawler (Alan Cumming)
The opening scene with Nightcrawler in X2 was more badass than pretty much all of X3.
5. Black King (Kevin Bacon)
Sebastian would be intimidating even without his badass powers. We wouldn't dare mess with him; he just blows people up left and right!
4. Professor X (Patrick Stewart/James McAvoy)
He's wise. He's patient. He sees right through you. And he runs the X-Men. He has authority over people who could kill him in a split second. That is power. And with X-Men: First Class, we learned he was a total ladies' man. But we all know where his heart truly belongs. (With Erik, duh).
3. Mystique (Rebecca Romijn/Jennifer Lawrence)
She can morph into whatever she wants and she can wrap herself around you and bring you dooown. As in break your neck. And she does it all while in the nude.
2. Magneto (Ian McKellen/Michael Fassbender)
Magneto arguably has the best power of all the mutants, and he keeps finding different ways to show off. We're always anxious to see what kind of metal-bending shenanigans he'll come up with. Erik is a villain that we not only understand, but we can totally get behind. Also, he's Charles' best friend, and that tells you everything you need to know.
1. Wolverine (Hugh Jackman)
Was there every any doubt about No. 1? Hugh Jackman, aka Huge Jacked Man, was born to play Wolverine. It was love at first sideburn sight. He's who viewers tagged along with through three X-Men movies and two prequels. Why go movies keep revolving around him? Because he's Wolverine, and he's the best. One of the best moments in the awesome First Class was his 10-second cameo! Wolverine is to the X-Men film franchise as cat videos are to the Internet. One can't truly thrive without the other.
Alternative No. 1: Charles and Erik together!
Again, a lot of these mutants are actually spectacular in the comic book universe. But when it comes to the films (especially Origins and X3), they fell very, very short. Sometimes the actor is to blame, sometimes the storyline, sometimes the writing. But here's hoping X-Men: Days of Future Past bumps up some of the previous film mutants and introduces some new, cool ones. Cooler than Wolverine? Probably not.
Did we forget a mutant that deserves to be on the list? What ranking did we get wrong? Let's yell at each other in the comments!