"Lawn games, English snacks and drinks, and more with family and friends," the all-powerful Goddess of Goop explains in the YouTube description of this video she uploaded, a compensation prize for you since you weren't invited.
There ain't no party like a Gwyneth Paltrow Goop garden party, so we've rounded up the best moments. (Spoiler alert: All the moments are the best moments.)
If we could only tell you one thing about Goop's garden party it would be that Gwyneth Paltrow danced with her mother, the incomperable Blythe Danner. And this is what Gwyneth Paltrow looks like when she dances:
Also, we wish Blythe Danner were our mom.
(Sorry 'bout it to our real moms.)
But we can tell you more than one thing. So, since we're already talking about mothers, Gwyneth Paltrow is a sort of stage mother of garden party performances:
Not in a bad, Dance Moms way. She's just really, really supportive of her children and their art.
And, being that it was a Gwyneth Paltrow Goop garden party, the event was very A-List.
Naomi Watts just really loves playing badminton.
Sarah Jessica Parker was there, laughing.
Rachel Zoe was there too, laughing, maybe because she dressed her son up as the fifth member of Mumford & Sons.
(Her son, on the other hand, was not laughing.)
Gwyneth Paltrow was laughing too, maybe because Cameron Diaz told a hilarious joke, or maybe the joke wasn't really funny but Gwyneth Paltrow will laugh at your jokes anyway because she's a good friend, babe.
Cameron Diaz did shots.
And held other people's kids.
(That's Stella McCartney's daughter Reiley.)
Gwyneth Paltrow's husband, Chris Martin, was also in attendance, being too cute.
And Paul McCartney is the joker of the group who tries to turn every picture into a "funny face" picture.
But who cares, because...