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Afternoon Bitch-Back! Who's Next After Amy Winehouse? Lindsay Lohan, Maybe?

Amy Winehouse, Lindsay Lohan Flynetonline.com; Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

Dear Ted:
Do you think Amy Winehouse's death will make an impact on Lindsay Lohan and others who are walking too close to that final line?
—Sam

Dear Wine Influence:
Yeah, there's that spark of hope that they'll learn from others and get the hell into rehab, but I'm a pessimist when it comes to these matters—particularly involving Lohan. She's a spoiled brat movie star, and the effed-up California legal system just keeps catering to her over and over and over. Result? She's still making partying a priority and not getting her crap together. Don't even think she's clear-headed enough right now to see how similar to Winehouse she's getting. As for most other celebs, they have to hit their rock bottom, just like everybody else—let's hope they aren't all as low as Amy's.

Dear Ted:
I know this is a crazy idea, but do you think you could just promise to tell us if Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart break up instead of answering the question about whether or not they did every week? I don't mind seeing their names pop up mostly ‘cause I love them both, but I figured it might make your job a little easier.
—Nicole

RELATED: Amy Winehouse Fans Get Apology From Microsoft After Tasteless Tweet

Dear Compassionate Soul:
You are such a doll to suggest, and I'll think on it for sure. But the longer I don't say anything, the more the goss' grows and grows on this site. Of course, I'll tell you if Robsten are no longer, but in the meantime, most Twi-hards need some serious reassuring or these boards go insane. Trust me on this one.

Dear Ted:
You no doubt check the boards and see who we all think the B.V.s are. Often, one name starts to stand out and becomes the "answer." I know you can't tell us when we're right, of course, but can you give us one B.V. who we're way off on?
—BK

Dear Unverified Vices:
Sorry to report that, as of late, you've been way wrong on quite of few players in our fave name game. For instance, haven't seen a right match for little miss Debbie Doobie. Not one. Don't think that has ever happened before. And she's not so veiled, either!

Dear Ted:
My Boston Terrier rescue sweetie and I would be interested in knowing if Strippa Rip-Ya and Caesar Anchovy-Arse are as close as they used to be.
—Cupcake and Liz

Dear Surprise, Surprise:
They're a lot closer than people expect, babe. But with all the things the pair has going on, they sort of have to be.

Dear Ted:
Is Possum Santana already divorced or separated from her hubby, or is the breakup still unannounced? I could see this being Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise. It's only a matter of time before they call it quits, don't you think?
—Lisa

Dear Santana Ain't Silent:
Hubby and wifey are publicly no longer.

PHOTOS: Remembering Amy Winehouse

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