Listen. We could dance our way around this rumor with all the innuendo and multiple entrendre your heart could desire. Instead, we're just going to cut right to the chase.
What Suri Cruise wants, Suri Cruise gets, and word on the Net is, while dining at New York's famed (and otherwise kid-friendly) Serendipity 3 last night, little Suri wanted some gummi bears. So Katie Holmes bought them for her.
Only, instead of bears, the gummies just so happened to be in the shape of penises.
Wearing heels is one thing, but surely Katie knows that some things should be for adults only? There certainly seems to be photographic evidence proving that Suri was, like all kids would be, curious enough to pick up the candy and examine it rather closely (congratulations, kid, you're gonna breeze though Sex Ed in five years). But did Katie really buy her 5-year-old the anatomical eats? This rumor is…
However, Serendipity 3's press rep Joe Calderone confirmed to E! News that the paparazzi shots were legit, and that when perusing the gift shop at the front of the restaurant while waiting to be seated, Suri happened upon the adult-themed treats.
Which, judging by some of the snaps, seemed to surprise Katie as much as anyone.
But—and this is the important part—Tom Cruise's missus did not end up purchasing the scandalous confection. Those remained on the shelf. And rightfully so.
Instead, the party, which arrived around midnight (sounds like she's got an adult bedtime, anyway) as part of a large, bodyguard-accompanied group ordered a much more G-rated selection of treats, including the banana split sundae, the walnut sundae and the restaurant's famous frozen hot chocolate.
Anyway, call this a practice run. Something tells us tabloids are going to take paparazzi shots of Suri out of context for years to come.