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    Bitch-Back! No Nikki Reed Pity Party Needed!

    Nikki Reed, Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson Lester Cohen/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Poor Nikki Reed. I feel so bad for her—its hard enough to get dumped while the whole world is watching, let alone have the nation's women completely turn against you. You can just see in photos that she really did care for Robert Pattinson, and it must be hard to watch your (former?) BFF have a wonderful, gratifying relationship with someone you care about. I, for one, think people should lay off the girl. Everyone has been through a difficult relationship, and Nikki is no different from anyone else!
    —hotlikemexico

    Dear Old News:
    While we also totally feel for Nikki's heartbroken, sexy ass, we don't think there's actually any real beef between the gal and her fellow lovebird castmates. She appears to be enjoying herself and taking her mind of anything and everything Robsten for now. Easier said than done, right Twi-hards?

    Dear Ted:
    You say Priscilla Desert has racked up some horny action with the opposite sex. How far do you think she has gone, and did she ever hook up with Parrish Maguire?
    —evielewton

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    Dear Hornball:
    We doubt more than a few innocent smooches—maybe a grope or two. Those two were not in love or lust, hence the dryness of the desert. And your last question just made me laugh so much I have to thank you.

    Dear Ted:
    I'd just like to point out that even though Carey Mulligan can act, Leonardo DiCaprio's accent fetish had more to do with her landing the roll then it should. How could you let the iconic role of Daisy Buchanan go to some one not American? Michelle Williams or Rachel McAdams would've been perfect! Anyway, can you give dirt about Matthew Czuchry? He's so ridiculously hot but there's absolutely nothing about him anywhere. I'd love to "bump into him" after work here in the Manhattan. Tell me all you know!
    stoptheangst

    Dear Gil-no-more:
    While we agree this hunk is super cute and was def our fave matchup for Rory on Gilmore Girls, he has been MIA ever since. You must obviously know he's a regular on The Good Wife, but a sexy state prosecutor is probably the best this actor will get for now, sorry hon! And how'd you know Leo had so many fetishes?

    Dear Ted:
    Can you give us a ball-park figure of how many emails you got in the last year about Robsten breaking up? It shows up all the time, and you probably don't respond to every request.
    —Cel

    Dear Out of the Park:
    About the same amount that says they're stinking in love. Exact figure (combined) probably equals the amount of money Stephanie Meyer's donating to that hateful Mormon church of hers.

    Dear Ted:
    I've been reading an awful lot of Nicole Kidman hate lately. I get it: Her face is frozen. She can be a diva. But don't you think some of her moments of self-deprecating honesty make up for things? She admitted her kids don't call her mom. She was visibly brokenhearted during her divorce. She admitted she sucked in Australia. Why is Nicole Kidman so high on everyone's dislike list?
    Martha in Chicago

    Dear Are You Kidding Me:
    Because she doesn't mean anything you just mentioned? And that's just for starters.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Priscilla Dessert...Selena Gomez?
    —Lawton

    Dear Right Tree, Wrong Branch:
    She's innocent, she's a child star, but is she completely dessert-like? You might be on to something here. Selena and Priscilla don't share quite the same claim to fame, but they've def shared some other things in the past!

    Dear Ted:
    What really went down between Nikki and Rob? What could have happened to cause such bad blood between the two of them? I can't imagine being mad at Rob for two seconds—he's just too adorably clueless. But in interviews, there seems to be some real tension between the two (and it's decidedly unsexual)! What really happened, Ted?
    Alexandra

    Dear No Pieces to Pick Up:
    First, what are you smoking to say the tension is "unsexual," this is Twilight...Everything is sexually heightened, puh-lease! As far as Rob and Nikki go, three things: It was way in the past (before Kristen), it's way over and it's not a problem anymore.

    Dear Ted:
    What does poor old Terry Tush-Trade have to be so damn unhappy about? My rescue lab Roger needs to know!
    Roger and Me

    Dear Roger & Co.:
    It's usually the most gifted (and most loved) who are strangely the most unsatisfied. I cannot tell you the reason, as I don't think even Terry knows why.

    Dear Ted:
    I am obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio and Johnny Depp. They are amazing actors and extremely gorgeous. Do they have any skeletons in their closets or subjects of a Blind Vice?
    Ash

    Dear A-List Skeletors:
    Those two are also at the top of our randy radar—too bad we can't say they're as Vicey as the rest. Leo's a fine man. I doubt he would get into any real shady business. And Johnny? Well, he's as fun-shady as they come, but there's no hiding that!

    Dear Ted:
    Why are people calling Jessica Simpson desperate? If she is in love why can't she also get married? Why does she have to be compared to her ex? Can't we all just get along and be happy for the girl for once in forever?
    —freetoroam

    Dear Happily Never After:
    This is H'wood, hon! There is no getting along in show biz, especially if you and your ex were the '90s' It couple (after Justin Timberlake and Britney Spears, of course). We're just glad Jess is finally settling down, even if she's secretly doing it to get back at her ex for walking out on her. Maybe she and Nick will have a sitcom comeback? 

    Dear Ted:
    It sounds like Shafterella Shoshstein and Secretia Ohio both use PR to satisfy their bitchy desires! So, do they have any differences? Who has more of a diva attitude?
    Hannah :)

    Dear Bitch, Please:
    Secretia, by a long shot!

    MORE: Read up on the recent answers to the bitchiest questions in the Bitch-Back section!

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