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    Bitch-Back! Is Angelina Queen of the Soccer Moms?

    Angelina Jolie, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh Flynet

    Dear Ted:
    Is Angelina Jolie trying to revamp her image yet again by pretending to relate to the soccer moms of the world, or is this another way for her to promote her movie? Do you think she is carrying this holier-than-thou image a little too far, or is she trying to remake herself before Andrew Morton's book comes out in August?
    —Fayeniceville38

    Dear Play Nice:
    The usually candid Angie has suddenly opened up about her children and her nonmarriage, in Vanity Fair and on Good Morning America, to name a few. The fact that this is so sudden (and that Salt comes out in a few weeks) should tell you a little something about her nature. As for the tell-all, there's not much Ange can do in a few short months to change her rep before the release of the book, which we are so excited to read, of course!

    Dear Ted:
    After seeing Eclipse I've developed a major crush on Jackson Rathbone, but sometimes he seems a little douchey. Is that the real Jackson or are those just nerves?
    —Macksood

    Dear Grapes of Rathbone:
    Jacko's always been very quirky, but not douchey. Don't confuse the two, just ‘cause he's not your typical movie guy. For more evidence of this, check out the title of his next flick: DaZe: Vol. Too (sic) – NonSeNse. Like I said, très quirky.

    Dear Ted:
    Do you agree that Matt Damon has the right idea choosing a woman not in the business? His marriage seems so secure and normal. What chance do you give Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr? I give it a year maybe. They are cute as buttons together, but I still think Orlando is making a mistake not choosing a nice British girl who is not in the public eye 24/7.
    —co0ftroy

    Dear Business Deal:
    Matt and Luciana are everything right about Hollywood. I wouldn't even compare them and the Orlando-Miranda duo (Orlanda?), but if you insist, I'd say Orly needs to find someone much more low-key if he really wants some lifelong companionship. Something tells me Miranda, whose star has only recently skyrocketed, is much too wild for boring old Bloom.

    Dear Ted:
    Janice Dickinson
    vs. Courtney Love: Who's truly insane and who's just insane for publicity?
    —Jasmolak

    Dear Comparing the Crazy:
    Courtney is definitely more all-around crackers, but Janice has exhibited some eccentric behavior and commentary that, although maybe not for publicity reasons alone, certainly garners much more than the once-loved Love. But really, who wants sanity from either of these women? Certainly not me.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Kelsey Grammer ever been a Blind Vice? He admitted to sleeping with his older kids' babysitter and has struggled with drug and alcohol problems in the past. Since his third wife, who is divorcing him, was a former Playmate, can infidelity (i.e. kinky sex?) be the reason?
    —Mo Maryland

    Dear Grammer Nazi:
    Kelsey? Kinky? Not quite. Truth be told, the guy has handled his divorce adroitly and just candidly enough to quell down possible press coverage that could have ended with a disgraced Kelsey and a reality show for Camille. And no, he hasn't been a Vice. We'll see if his future dating adventures make him one.

    Dear Ted:
    Matt Bomer
    has climbed the Hollywood ladder since 2001, and yet he still seems totally and genuinely perfect: gorgeous, talented, supernice with his coworkers and the hard-working type, "incredibly happy with his private life" that he deals with in an amazingly classy and smart way. One thing I've learned since I began reading your column is that nobody in show business is as innocent as they might want people to believe, so he must be have some hidden dirt, right?
    —A

    Dear I Have a Bomer:
    Matt's got the soft facial features of a sixteen-year-old girl, and the mild manners of one. His dirt… well, if you've read an interview with him, you'll know that he doesn't care what you find out about his personal life. Which I love.

    Dear Ted:
    We saw those pictures of Angelina in Vanity Fair this month, and even though she be on that "Mystery Diet," she looked fabulous and healthy. Could this mean that Angie-cat is on the prowl?
    —LittleRain and Old Mom

    Dear Jolie de Vivre:
    She's not on the prowl—just on the press tour. Same thing, right?

    Dear Ted:
    I've been reading recently about all the Twilight stars not being able to make many public appearances. Do you think it's because they can't fit the outings in their schedules or is it really because their managers are telling them that they're "big" stars now and shouldn't do such mediocre appearances?
    —Bubbleyumsteph

    Dear Star Power:
    Schedules are nasty things, trust. But really, which appearances and stars are you talking about? Because "mediocre appearances" and "big stars" vary quite a lot in the Twilight publicity world.

    Dear Ted:
    At what point is Mel Gibson going to realize the things he says and does not only reflect on him but they also reflect on his family, namely his children? Could you imagine being his child and going to school after all this came out and having to try to explain your father's behavior to all of your friends?
    —Amanda F., NYC

    Dear Behind BS:
    Mel Gibson should be in jail. I feel for all of his children and pray that they find some happiness to cling to in all of this grotesquely offensive drama. Someone get those kids (most of whom are practically adults) a proper paternal role model, please.

    Dear Ted:
    Is Strawberry Snort'Em an actor or a musician?
    —Sasha

    Dear Berry Good:
    Def not an actor, babe. At least, not intentionally.

    Dear Ted:
    Can we have Glee scoop? Are there any other Glee starts besides Miss Lea Michele that you think are well on their way to having a B.V.?
    —Aheroequalsanyjerk

    Dear Glee Whiz!
    You mean to tell me that you don't already have your radar turned on that hunky Mark Salling or Cory Monteith? They're the ones to watch for future vice action, love!

    Dear Ted:
    You guys are totally gung-ho over Rob Pattinson, but my friends and I were talking about the huge similarities between him and Orlando Bloom. Both are very gorgeous, broke out from a huge franchise, and have a huge female fan base. But I haven't heard anything blockbusterish career-wise from Bloom, and in four short years he went from A-list to mid C-list. So does R.Pattz have the same fate as him, post-Twilight? Or am I not seeing something?
    —R

    Dear Pattz Peeves:
    It all depends on you and the box office, natch. Considering that Rob's non-Twilight films (except Harry Potter, duh) haven't done all that great...Well, let's not say anything just yet. His star is red-hot right now—let's hope it stays that way.

    Dear Ted:
    Has Hugh Dancy been a Blind Vice?
    —Lance

    Dear So You Think You Can Dancy:
    Nope.

    Dear Ted:
    What new fall TV show are you most looking forward to?
    —Gigbug

    Dear Fall Dramz:
    Undercovers
    and Mr. Sunshine are topping my DVR list. And from what the cast has told me, there will be some great drama behind the scenes on The CW's Hellcats. Mmm, can't wait!

    Dear Ted:
    I know that Robsten won't be at Comic-Con this year, but will you be there? Please say yes.
    —Faye

    Dear Pros and Comic-Cons:
    Still working on it!

    Dear Ted:
    Do you ever eliminate people that are the subject of your Blind Vices in order to throw your readers off the scent?
    —Ipeephotons

    Dear And It Ain't:
    I would never. But note this: While the are some Vices I make sure to throw you off of, there are others that I'm dying to reveal...and just might give more clues to than others.

    Dear Ted:
    Having followed reality TV in a few countries, I have to wonder how on Earth do they choose their contestants? Here in France, a contestant from a show called Cheat On Me If You Can has committed suicide following the recording, and the show won't be aired, but what are the criteria for choosing these people? Are they just looking for the attention whores or do they purposely choose crazy or not-all-there people?
    —Teresa

    Dear Cattle Call:
    It seems that the crazier the show's concept is, the more insane the castmembers that the producers choose. Hon, I wouldn't take any casting tips from America's reality shows. There's one crazy fame-seeking Real Housewife too many right now, methinks.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twitter!

    _______

    Check out more mail in our Bitch-Back! section.

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