Bitch-Back! Brad and Jen, Sitting in a Tree?

Readers wonder if exes Pitt and Aniston are so back on

Dear Ted:
Recently a gossip mag reported that Jen Aniston and Brad Pitt hooked up in a car making some heated passion together. Ted, do you buy it?
—Hamilton

Dear HA!:
Not in a million years. Brad may be unhappy with Angelina Jolie at times, but he's not going anywhere—until Angie says so.

Dear Ted:
I'm a huge Robsten fan, but I feel I'm being played and you are the only one I trust, so please can you check this info. This person has a lot of details for someone who is making it up. Madera Clubhouse Restaurant, located in the Madera Municipal Golf Course in California. K.Stew is sitting at a round table between her mom, Michael Angarano and her brother. They have a no cell phone or camera policy, so no pics.
—Ludi

Dear Blind Speculation:
C'mon, how many times have stories faked M.A. appearances? Vancouver, Italy, now brunches with the fam? Can't wait for the K.Stew/Michael Angarano wedding where someone happens to get a blurry picture in the back of a dark church. Oh, wait...

Dear Ted:
You pitted Robert Pattinson and Alexander Skarsgård against each other for two days straight. So who would you do? I personally love Rob for who he is and not just the muscles. He is beautiful inside out. Enough said.
—Valina

Dear Stud Selection:
Why can't I have them both? As long as Skars splits pronto, Rob's the one I want to talk with afterwards.

Dear Ted:
Have you checked out Scarlett Johansson in the new Iron Man 2 promos? Girl is looking fierce and absolutely sexy. What do you think about her playing Catwoman in the Dark Knight sequel?
—Xstine

Dear Not Impressed:
ScarJo is incredibly sexy, yes, but I'm just so blah-ed out by her these days. Call it obvious, but I'd much rather see Megan Fox in that role.

Dear Ted:
After reading about Tina Fey and Sheryl Crow wearing the same dress at an awards show, I just wondered, when this happens what's usually the celebs' reaction? Are there any cold stares involved?
—Polly

Dear Fashion Police:
Stars like Tina Fey handle it well and just brush it off. But the younger gen of H'wood babes? A whole different story. Can you say catfight?

Dear Ted:
Is the celebrity who is coming out on May 5 going to be another Sean Hayes or will it be someone who surprises us?
—Jes

Dear Dog and Homo Show:
I'm just over the fact that coming out now is like a friggin' circus act; totally degrades the message. Let me guess, this particular celeb is going to have something to promote?

Dear Ted:
Still on my Nelly Fang hunt. Is he Brendan Fehr? He was in The Forgotten, he looks a lot like Boreanaz and works with him in Bones. Hot, cold , freezing?
—CM

Dear Hunt Away:
Way to think outside the normal box! But wrong. Think bigger everything.

Dear Ted:
As an avid reader (all the way from London) and a devoted Twilight/Robsten supporter, I salute you! I love all you do for Rob and Kristen, and reading your columns about them often has me laughing out loud, as your opinion and occasional sarcasm are exactly what I would be thinking. It's genius! So yes, just to say keep doing what you're doing 'cause I love it! P.S. Thoughts on the Eclipse trailer?
—Jazz

Dear Eclipse of the Heart:
I feel about the trailer as I have about all of the previous ones before it. Who cares? Let's just make sure the movie doesn't suck this time. Is that being overly naïve?

Dear Ted:
I am obsessed with Mad Men and I was just wondering if Jon Hamm is anything like his character on the show. I know he has a long-term girlfriend, but can you at least say if he's ever been a B.V.?
—Taylor

Dear Hamm Sandwich:
You're speaking my language. Love that man! And no, he's not like his character, thank heaven. Except for the fact he's straight.

Dear Ted:
I was just curious...does anyone think Kate Gosselin is a good mother? Anyone at all?
—Ailish

Dear Doubtful:
Who knows, but I'm sure we'll be able to read all about what her kids thought of growing up Gosselin when they pen their future tell-alls.

Dear Ted:
As a mother of four, I cringe even asking this question; however, it seems to me that you have hinted (rather strongly) Tom Cruise is a better parent than Nicole Kidman. Am I reading you wrong? Does N.K. lack the "maternal instinct" when it comes to her two older children, or is T.C. just a better nurturer? It does seem that T.C. spends more time and energy with his two oldest, but I guess that it was a matter of custody.
—Ann

Dear Not So Lost in Translation:
No, you're not reading me wrong. No, it was not simply a matter of custody.

Dear Ted:
When someone is the subject of multiple Blind Vices, do you give that person one name and stick with it, or does s/he get as many names as s/he has Vices? I searched for this question and didn't find it, but it seems such a rational Q that I can't imagine you've never heard it before.
—Enya

Dear Look Harder:
One name, babe. That's why we have so many repeat offenders à la Crescent Kumquat, Toothy Tile, Fake à la Ferocity, Seymour Plow-me-More and so on!

Dear Ted:
Is Buck Me Good Justin Timberlake?
—Jessica

Dear Buck Me Wrong:
No, but fabo guess! Think less perennially perky.

Dear Ted:
Spring is here and love is in the air! Do you think Judas Jack-Off or Dashed Dingle Dream will persuade their beards to walk down the aisle anytime soon?
—C

Dear Spring Flings:
We'll see.

Dear Ted:
I've got two questions: First, are there secret cabals of gay powerful Hollywood types who sit around deciding the futures of up-and-coming gay/bi actors? Second, do you think/know if the likes of Toothy, Crescent or Nevis go to the same private parties? I can picture them sitting around comparing notes on the latest Awful Truth. Thanks for making my workday less painful.
—J

Dear Two-For:
Toothy, Crescent and Nevis definitely run into each other during certain Hollywood to-do's, but they don't exactly run in the same crowd. And yes, people actually get paid to decide when and when not (which is usually the case) their stars will be permitted to join the human race and declare their sexuality.

Dear Ted:
I wrote this in comment to your Pam Anderson article, as I was upset at the way they portray mobile-home dwellers...some of us cannot afford glam homes...but we don't live in "trailers." Living in a mobile home community shouldn't be made fun of. First off, there is NO "bed that flips over into a table." That would be a camper or travel trailer. Also, there is plenty of living area: two bedrooms, a full bathroom, a separate living room, a separate eat-in kitchen and an area for a full-size washer and dryer in our home. Check out the retirees in Florida, Arizona, Nevada, etc. They have really nice places...You can even purchase two-story "manufactured homes." The only shortcoming would be storage space: no basement or attic area. I wish these so-called reporters would check their facts before writing these articles.
—Steven B.

Dear Trailer-Ticked:
So sorry to have offended ya, babe, clearly not my intention. But surely there are a few places not as nice as yours, too? And congrats on your swell digs!

Dear Ted:
I think its so unfair that everyone's hating on Miley. She seems like a nice, funny person. If she does the slightest thing wrong everyone's all over it! OK...sometimes the way she dresses is inappropriate, but she is 17! She's clearly trying to get away from Hannah Montana, and she's a teenager so it's only normal for her to rebel a little, right? When she wears shorts everyone says they're too short and slutty, but I'm younger then her and I'd wear shorts that length! I think people just expect her to be a role model, but what she does is showing what people HER age should do not 6-year-olds! What's your opinion on her? Are you a Miley hater or lover?
—Ailish

Dear Team Cyrus:
Total lover, doll. And she for sure gets picked on, but sometimes it is deserved. Like that stripper pole dance? Girlfriend knew exactly what she was doing and what kind of press was coming after she thrusted those hip bones up and down the ice cream truck. And I loved every second of it!

Dear Ted:
I just read the latest story about Lindsay Lohan. She is a sad, sick young girl. Her mother is an absolute loser. But. Sam Ronson is total garbage. I think she is a lying, disgusting drug addict who used Lindsay to get fame and attention for herself. Why do people insist on painting her as a victim of Lindsay's behavior? No one will ever convince me that she isn't a piece of garbage. Lindsay needs help desperately. Sam Ronson needs to pray for a soul, because I don't think she has one. Dina needs a foot up her a**. How could she allow Ali to stay with Lindsay? Michael Lohan needs a brain.
—Miss P

Dear Disagree:
I think you're way off there about Sam. From what I've heard, she's a cool normal gal who actually tried to be a positive influence on LiLo. Lindsay has so many friggin' issues going on, you have no idea. And it's sad! She literally has not one person who cares enough about her to get her help. Everyone wants something from the former firecrotch except to get her help.

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