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Angie's ex-bodyguard is claiming he helped Brad steal away for liaisons with Jen Aniston. Could he really do that without a billion paps following?
—FrankFella, via the Answer B!tch inbox
For those of you hoping to follow at home:
What we're talking about here are the allegations recently made by "Bill," a former Brangelina bodyguard and recent In Touch snitch.
According to Bill, Brad Pitt has hooked up with ex Jennifer Aniston no fewer than four times since spring 2009, always at a level of secrecy worthy of the Priory of Sion.
Sure, celebrities do have techniques for sneaking about in relative privacy, and I've got some seriously good tips from a Hollywood security big shot.
But are these methods effective enough to cloak a five-alarm hookup like that? Here are the facts:
Bill claims that Brad and Jen secretly snuggled in some trails off of Western Canyon Road in Beverly Hills on December 9. Bill also insists that Jen arrived in her Bentley, Brad on a motorcycle. The two then talked and hugged and kissed for something like 40 minutes, according to the report.
Now, when celebrities want to knock paparazzi off their trail, there are some techniques that tend to work, at least for a little while. But, according to Eric Konohia, CEO of the security firm BPI Group, those strategies usually involve a team of people and a rigid plan.
"If the celebrities are using any kind of security"—which, by the way, Brad has been known to do—"then we're usually talking about multiple vehicles, switching out cars, make it look like we're doing a departure, and then doing another last-minute switch and having the client use another door."
It's also usually de rigueur for major stars to enter and exit a location using underground parking for such shell games, because they're private property and paparazzi have a harder time getting in, Konohia explains. And when celebrities want serious privacy, you're usually talking about an indoor location, such as an office or hotel, not the open skies.
(Still, even hotel staff can't be trusted to keep secrets, Konohia points out. During a recent trip to Europe with a very high-profile star, the client managed to stay under wraps only for a few days before being forced to switch locations.)
So, given all that, where does that leave the credibility of Bill's report of two A-list stars practically making out in open nature?
"If I was betting man," Konohia declares, "I would bet it didn't happen, or that, if it did, it didn't happen in that fashion. I mean, pulling up in her own car? That car may as well have a beacon on it" when it comes to paparazzi recognition, Konohia says.
And Brad Pitt? Seriously? "Unless he's popping up out of a manhole cover, people tend to know where he is, always. Stars wear disguises and paparazzi still know who they are."
Does that mean Bill is lying? Not necessarily. It just makes his story about as likely as anything else you may read in a tabloid.