The universe took the whole "everything happens in threes" adage way too seriously this week, and, sadly, not just because three groundbreaking TV dramas signed off over the past seven days.
Sure we enjoyed watching some big wins on American Idol, Dancing With the Stars and Celebrity Apprentice and continued to celebrate E!'s 20th anniversary with parties and specials and photo galleries galore.
But just when we thought that the only thing we'd be mourning was the big shape-shifting, time-traveling island in the sky, life got in the way.
LOST CAUSE: I'm not going to even try to explain the Lost finale—that's what Watch With Kristin's copious coverage and analysis is for!—but I can voice the opinion that so many people are bummed not because the sum-up was unsatisfying in the way that only a "why was I so invested with dead people?" sort of finale can be, but because it's over at all. Sure, kudos to Damon Lindelof and Carlon Cuse for self-imposing a deadline so that the story didn't drift too aimlessly, but maybe they pulled the plug too soon.
STROKE OF TRAGEDY: Plagued by health problems all his life and a short stature that made it hard to separate the man from the Diff'rent Strokes kid, Gary Coleman died at 42 after suffering a brain hemorrhage and slipping into a coma. The Diff'rent Strokes curse appears to be alive and well, however, this loss coming two weeks after the late Dana Plato's son committed suicide. Though he was more of a punchline in recent years, Coleman was a four-time People's Choice Award winner for Favorite Young TV Performer in the early 1980s.
ACCESSORIZING: Can they at least put the SCRAM bracelet on the other ankle this time so that Lindsay doesn't end up with lopsided calf muscles? The freshly blond starlet, who for a has-been actually has quite a few films in the pipeline (porn star, Machete, Willie Nelson!), finally made it back to L.A., a few days after she really, truly planned to, and was promptly fitted with the alcohol-monitoring device, which has in no way put a damper on her nighttime plans. Unless she was planning to drink, in which case, the plans have been dampened.
WYZE MAN: The nondescript Lee DeWyze blew past early favorite Crystal Bowersox to win American Idol, the third guy in a row to take the title and second in a row to spend most of the season upstaged by his runner-up, only to capitalize on his hometown-vanilla flavor when it counts the most. But who else thinks that Lee and his runner-up are going to hook up now that Crystal's boyfriend has bailed?
HEARTBROKEN: Five months after losing his wife, Brittany Murphy's widower Simon Monjack died at 40 of an apparent heart attack. Murphy's mom, Sharon, was the one who found him and called 911, the second time she's had to do that after making a tragic discovery. Her son-in-law will be buried next to her daughter at Forest Lawn, another tragic celebrity couple.
SNUFFED OUT: Slipknot bassist Paul Gray, 38, was found dead in his Iowa hotel room, a hypodermic needle and undisclosed pills near the body. His bandmates earnestly paid tribute at a press conference, no masks allowed.
DIRTY LAUNDRY: A contrite Jesse James topped off the Sandra Bullock, Louis and Nazi-salute talk with a story about his dad abusing him as a kid, a story backed up by his sister but denied by dad and a former stepmom. And in further attempts to put his asinine behavior behind him, James is looking to unload the Orange County beach house he and Sandy used to share. Meanwhile, Bullock will return to the spotlight June 6 at the MTV Movie Awards to accept the network's version of a lifetime-achievement honor.
COMING CLEAN: Tune into the season finale of Kendra on Sunday to see the otherwise happy new mom talk about the sex tape that has come back to haunt her.
COMEBACK: Bret Michaels came storming back from a brain hemorrhage, a stroke, a hole in his heart, a burst appendix, chronic diabetes and the ignominy of Rock of Love to win the third season of Celebrity Apprentice. Then he performed on the Idol finale, looking and sounding great. Hey, what gives here?
PUSSYCAT GALORE!: Nicole Scherzinger managed to unseat an Olympic gold medalist in the finals of Dancing With the Stars, which, if you were going by ballroom prowess for a change, went off without a hitch. Translation: What an unshocking finale.
SIGNED OFF: 24 stopped the clock after eight tension-fraught days...Law & Order packed it in after 20 seasons...Simon Cowell bid American Idol adieu after nine years...The Biggest Loser crowned the biggest loser ever after a 264-pound loss...As summer programming heats up, relive some of the highs and lows from the TV season just passed.
BABY TALK: Monica Bellucci and hubby Vincent Cassel welcomed a daughter...Alicia Keys is expecting her first with producer beau Swizz Beats...John Travolta and Kelly Preston are only awaiting one baby...Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon are eagerly awaiting, uh, puppies...Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale aren't even awaiting puppies...Heidi Klum and Seal are content with the babies they have...Did Justin Bieber have a tantrum?
TRANSFORMED: Megan Fox is out, way out, of Transformers 3, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is in.
LEGAL DRAMA: Former Survivor producer Bruce Beresford-Redman, back in the U.S. after being investigated by Mexican authorities in the death of his wife while on vacay in Cancun, says he's ready to reassume custody of his kids...Gene Simmons is in the clear on a criminal rap but now battling two lawsuits...Mindy McCready's mom is still free to share her side of the story surrounding her daughter's ongoing issues...Heather Locklear skates after her BMW somehow hit a "no parking" sign...Tom Brady and Gisele got good news from a New York judge...Joyce DeWitt cops to DUI...David Byrne objects to the governor of Florida's ad soundtrack...Kelis and Nas are officially divorced...Dennis Quaid sued the drugmaker over his twins' 2007 Heparin overdose.
FINISHED: Joe Jonas and Demi Lovato call it quits on the eve of the JoBros big tour, featuring Demi Lovato.
COUPLED: James Marsters is engaged to longtime girlfriend Patricia Rahman.
LAST MAN STANDING: According to you, Johnny Depp is the Last Real Man in Hollywood. Neat, he's totally my pick, too!
SCENE MAKERS: Javier Bardem and Juliette Binoche win top acting honors at the Cannes Film Festival, which awarded the Palm d'Or to Thai film Uncle Boonme Who Can Recall His Past Lives...Years after playing spunky street urchin Gavroche, Nick Jonas is returning to Les Miserables, this time as the all-grown-up romantic lead Marius...James McAvoy's slated to play a young Professor X in X-Men: First Class...Tina Fey will be awarded the 13th Mark Twain Prize for American Humor in November...Christina Aguilera is postponing her summer tour for a year...Bono and his aching back won't be back onstage until 2011, either.
MAKING THE SCENE: Glee's Matthew Morrison singing the national anthem at a Mets-Yankees game...Kourtney Kardashian, Scott Disick and baby Mason hitting up a jewelry store and looking at Kourt's hand...Reggie Bush at the Cedars Sinai Sports Spectacular...the Kardashians, Katharine McPhee, Sophia Bush, Ryan Seacrest and more helping E! celebrate its 20th anniversary at The London West Hollywood.
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