Week in Review: Khloé & Lamar Had a Lovely Wedding, Then Everything Went to Hell

Turns out there are more shady dudes out there than we thought. Et tu, Dave?

Everything seemed on the up-and-up last week. Khloé Kardashian was a blushing bride, Megan Fox was showing skin and Roman Polanski finally learned that you don't get a pass for committing a crime against a kid just because you have a way with a movie camera. 

But then Jon Gosselin found his balls and David Letterman revealed he has a penis. And now we just don't know which end is up anymore.

Here's your scandalicious look at the week gone by:

1. Congratulations, Khloé K. and Lamar Odom! For whatever reason you had for rush-rushing to the altar...we wish you happiness. And what a soiree, from the gowns to the flowers to the guest list. We hear there was candy laid out everywhere to suit the groom's sweet tooth, that Kobe Bryant is quite the dancer, and that the bride's sisters gave lovely toasts.

2. So Jon Gosselin now feels that Jon & Kate Plus 8 is bad for the kids and TLC has reluctantly—and angrily—suspended production for the time being, saddening and confusing Kate Gosselin in the process. What brought on this sudden surge of conscientiousness, you ask? According to the man himself, he doesn't want to be "this person" anymore, i.e., Kate's bitch and/or the public's whipping boy. And no, it has nothing to do with the restructured focus of his apparently former show. Hailey Glassman still seems to dig him, though, despite that whole postpone-the-divorce business.

3. Roman Polanski hopped off a plane in Zurich right into the arms of Swiss authorities, who arrested the Oscar winner in connection with that pesky unresolved sex-with-a-minor conviction from 1977. His victim, Samantha Geimer (not to mention some of Polanski's estimable peers), has since said that she wishes L.A. prosecutors would just let it go, but his lawyers had to harp on the fact that no one was ever pursuing his arrest that seriously. And FYI, don't ever get Kirstie Alley started on the subject.

4. Is there anything a Late Show audience won't cheer David Letterman for? Dave won big laughs with his tale of backstage affairs and an alleged $2 million extortion plot against him in exchange for silence about the staffers he's slept with. Well, the veteran funnyman does indeed have comedic timing, if not scruples, to spare. A 48 Hours producer has pleaded not guilty to attempted grand larceny, a felony, but he's considering cutting a deal on misdemeanor dumbassery.

5. Did you see Megan Fox on Saturday Night Live? She's gonna be in Transformers 3, you know. But if you missed Megan's naked humor, perhaps you caught the latest episode of So You Think You Can Dance, which redefined crotchety for a new generation.

6. Kristen Stewart may be bored of herself but her fans—and her fangtastic costar, some might say—are definitely not.

7. Michael Jackson was relatively healthy when he died, not including some arthritis and his desire to be comatose rather than merely asleep at night. But the autopsy report states that his organs were in decent shape. The really good news is that his kids are "doing wonderfully" according to the latest custody status report. We just think that's nice.

8. Kanye West and Lady Gaga's Fame Kills tour was canceled, but the bodysuit-favoring pop star is still hitting the road solo this winter, making us wonder... Right, as if we're actually wondering whether the MTV Video Music Awards had anything to do with it. Well, at least Kanye can take that break now.

9. Kelly Osbourne took more than a few wrong steps on Dancing with the Stars—but we still love her, and she was totally safe. Not so much Kathy Ireland, but that was to be expected.

10. Are Justin & Jessica on the outs?...Kristin Cavallari makes sex with Brody Jenner sound boring...Padma Lakshmi is miraculously pregnant!...Jon Cryer adopted...This is probably the next Bachelor...Bethenny Frankel's blogging about her fellow Housewives...Brad & Angie are on another mission...Jaime Pressly tied the knot...As did Justin Guarini...Claire Danes was already married...Emmy Rossum's getting divorced...Fred Durst too, probably...L.C.'s got a new clothing line...Tori Spelling had tummy troubles...Miley's under the weather...Paul Rodriguez is on the mend, as is Dennis Hopper...Kate Beckinsale is Esquire's Sexiest Woman Alive...What is with Snoop Dogg and airports?...Vampire Diaries' entire cast won't be going to jail...Jason Wahler's already in jail...Tawny Kitaen was busted...Artie Lange copped to DUI...John Travolta returned to the witness stand...Pearl Jam topped the charts...Survivor: Samoa is safe...A private Patrick Swayze memorial is Sunday...DJ AM died of an accidental OD...Is Darrell Hammond done with SNL?...Ben Lee and Ione Sky procreated...Andrew Shue's engaged.