Often times we rely on the TV to inject a little drama into our lives—and this week, we were not disappointed.
But don't worry, the stars were still living it up off-camera, and we've plucked everything you need to know out of the ether and put it right here.
Time to dive in!
MIRROR BALLS: Maksim Chmerkovskiy, who can always be relied upon to take the egotist's point of view, lashed out at the judges—and to cameras backstage about the judges—about how unfair it is that some Dancing With the Stars contestants are critiqued on effort and some on skill. (If it makes him feel better, we think Hope Solo should fall into the former category.) While he refused to take back his attack on the judges, particularly 67-year-old Len Goodman, he did apologize to his fellow pros for calling it "my show."
CRASS MENAGERIE: Chaz Bono, whose Dancing run came to an end this week, couldn't take it anymore after Bruno Tonioli compared him to a penguin after his tuxedoed tango. No matter that penguins are adorable, Chaz pointed out that he was compared to a different animal each week and no one would make fun of a female contestant who needed to lose a few pounds, but that he seemed to be fair game. Just in case you don't listen to what the judges say and prefer to watch the dancing, Chaz took his opinion to Jimmy Kimmel Live, Good Morning America, People magazine—and a proud Cher took up the fight on his behalf.
PAINFUL END: It's confirmed: Amy Winehouse drank herself to death. And why did strangers know this before her family?
THE SIMPSONS: What isn't Jessica Simpson rocking these days? She's sporting a rounded belly, tweeting toilet pics, planning a mysterious wedding that Eva Longoria doesn't object to... Go, girl!
PUPPY LOVE: Selena Gomez and Justin Bieber adopted a dog!
ROYAL PAIN: That's a scar on Kate Middleton's head, commoners, not an extension mark.
BABY SHOWER: Bruce Willis and wife Emma are expecting their first child together...Sister Wives couple Kody and Robyn Brown finally welcomed No. 17, son Solomon Brown...Tony Romo and wife Candice Crawford are expecting their first...No. 2 on the way for It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia's Rob McElhenny and Kaitlin Olson...James Van Der Beek and wife Kimberly Brook are expecting their second child...Jamie Oliver shares a pic of 1-year-old son Buddy...Elton John and David Furnish's son Zachary is quite the little lad...Sandra Bullock's son Louis just acquired his first piece of Pop Art...Allison Janney and Emma Stone helped celebrate the arrival of Viola Davis' adopted daughter, Genesis...Mariska Hargitay's adopted daughter Amaya was her perfectly adorable date to a Halloween-themed children's hospital fundraiser in NYC...Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon heroically dressed up with twins Moroccan and Monroe...Whomever Kate Middleton gives birth to, boy or girl, becomes an heir to the throne.
NEVERMIND THE BOLLOCKS: Frances Bean Cobain engaged at 19? Nooooo!
WEDDING BELLS: Robin Williams got hitched to Susan Schneider...Mario Cantone and longtime partner Jerry Dixon tied the knot...Kaley Cuoco is engaged to Josh Resnik...Frankie Muniz and girlfriend Elycia Turnbow are engaged...Former Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas swapped vows with Stephen Stagliano (yes, Michael's brother).
UNHITCHING POST: The Office (U.K) star Lucy Davis is divorcing The Mentalist's Owain Yeoman...Jim Carrey's daughter, Jane, is divorcing Alex Santana after 11 months...Tara Reid revealed she isn't really married to Zack Kehayov...Christina Milian is officially divorced from The-Dream.
GLEEK OUT: Behind-the-scenes Glee scoop...Darren Criss does more Katy Perry...Ryan Murphy says his graduating seniors are always welcome...Cory Monteith's band, Bonnie Dune, rocked the Roxy in West Hollywood and they're cutting a new EP...Here comes Glee Project co-winner Damien McGinty.
REAL DEALS: Inside the George Clooney-Stacy Keibler hookup...Luke Perry is perfectly fine...Darrell Hammond reveals in his new memoir that he had a crack habit while on Saturday Night Live.
LAW & DISORDER: The Conrad Murray trial is almost over...Apologetic Audrina Patridge burglar Rachel Lee got prison time...Police were called but no arrests were made when Nicki Minaj's boyfriend tussled with her ex-maid...No sexual assault charges filed against rapper Big Sean...Real World: Chicago's Tonya Cooley has sued producers and MTV, claiming she was sexually assaulted during one of the challenge specials and cameras kept rolling...Former boy-bander Justin Jeffre busted during an Occupy Cincinnati protest...Alleged creep pleads not guilty to Joss Stone murder plot...Top Chef: Just Desserts finalist Morgan Wilson indicted on child pornography charges...Hannah Montana's Mitchel Musso charged with DUI.
GET WELL: Adele calls off 2011 to undergo throat surgery...Comedian Patrice O'Neal suffered a stroke and there's no official word on his current state...Marie Osmond diagnosed with bronchitis after a trip to the ER...John Mayer underwent surgery to remove a granuloma from his throat...Teen Mom 2's Jenelle Evans suffered injuries in a car crash, but 2-year-old Jace was unhurt...Steven Tyler knocked out two teeth when he fell in the shower of his Paraguay hotel room...George Michael pulls out of a London show with a viral infection...Michelle Trachtenberg emerged from ER with a bandaged arm...Andy Rooney, 92, was hospitalized in serious but stable condition after experiencing complications after surgery...Creepster Madonna fan remanded to a psychiatric hospital...Loretta Lynn is out of the hospital after being treated for bacterial pneumonia.
TRAGEDY ON THE SET: A stuntman, whose name wasn't immediately released, was killed in an accident on the set of The Expendables 2 in Bulgaria...A woman died in a fall from a fairground ride outside Dublin's O2 arena after attending a Britney Spears concert...Two motorcycle enthusiasts were killed in an accident during a charity ride kicked off by Jay Leno.
SCREEN PLAY: Eddie Murphy leaving the family friendly $#@! behind?...The Hunger Games has tons of characters and now tons of posters...Will Ferrell honored with the 14th Annual Mark Twain Prize for American Humor...Samuel L. Jackson is the biggest box-office star of all time...Joss Whedon is taking his Much Ado About Nothing to the festival circuit this spring...Check out the Farrelly brothers' Three Stooges...Let Ryan Gosling's nudity get you excited for the DVD release of Crazy, Stupid, Love...Tobey Maguire is looking natty for The Great Gatsby...Exciting Twilight Saga scoop...H&M will launch a Girl With the Dragon Tattoo-inspired fashion line...Magic Mike, with all those hot guys playing strippers, hits theaters June 29, 2012...Johnny Depp gave his painting of Keith Richards to The Rum Diary director Bruce Robinson...Read our reviews of The Rum Diary and Puss in Boots.
TV LAND: Giuliana Rancic returned to E! News after a week off to recovery from breast cancer surgery...Johnny Depp hones his comedic edge opposite Ricky Gervais...FX picks up Charlie Sheen's Anger Management...Sneak peek at Sunday's Desperate Housewives...Aisha Tyler joins The Talk...Barack Obama reveals that he is not keeping up with the Kardashians!...The nipple police have complained to the FCC about Nancy Grace's wardrobe malfunction on DWTS...Survivor alum Rupert Boneham is running for Indiana governor...SPOILER ZONE!
RECAPVILLE: Follow the redux road to Grey's Anatomy, the Project Runway season finale, America's Next Top Model: All-Stars, American Horror Story, Survivor: South Pacific, The X Factor, Dancing With the Stars, The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, The Real Housewives of New Jersey reunion part two and Sister Wives.
MUSICAL NOTES: Justin Bieber's manager sure has a lot to say about the kid's balls dropping...First Zooey Deschanel, then Demi Lovato, then Chris Daughtry sang the national anthem before World Series games...Watch Jill Scott's latest video, "So Gone"...VH1 Divas Celebrates Soul enlists Mary J. Blige, Jennifer Hudson, Jill Scott, Jessie J. and more...Kirsten Dunst stars in R.E.M.'s new video, "We All Go Back to Where We Belong"...PETA wants Lady Gaga to wear lettuce in India...Sinéad O'Connor has gone bald again...Miley Cyrus will contribute to a Bob Dylan tribute album...Simone Battle won't win The X Factor, but she's got a video anyway.