Bitch-Back! Will a Book Bust Up Brangelina?

How are Angie and Brad taking the new tell-all

Dear Ted:
I'm disappointed in you. It has been two whole weeks since Ian Halperin's Brangelina Exposed hit the shelves and not a pip from you. Now, you might still be reading it and trying to figure out which of the truths to let slip on this blolum (without the legal dept. knocking on your door), but come on already, we need to hear from you on the subject. Did Aniston have two miscarriages? Did Angelina spread the rumors against her to look better instead of a homewrecker? What do you think of her exit strategy from current hubby Brad? Personally, I believe it all, but I can't wait to hear what you have to say. Maybe a separate entry to the blog giving much detail? Love ya, so please don't make me wait.
—Olia

Dear Brought to my Attention:
My my, I've been so wrapped up with Tiger, Twilight and everything in between I totally forgot the book came out! Maybe it's because Angie has her very own tell-all hidden in our Blind Vices? But miscarriages? Hey, I don't write on that stuff. That is absolutely the most horrendous situation for a woman to find herself in; I really don't consider it fab gossip. Yes, Angelina's a very adept publicist, and currently, there is no exit strategy.

Dear Ted:
Since you are a role model for so many young girls (thanks, Twilight!) I really think it is important you stress that Tiger's flings are whores, and it has nothing to do with the media. Having unprotected sex with someone who isn't committed to you is dangerous and irresponsible. The media isn't portraying these women in any particular way; it is the truth. If a guy won't commit to you, if he only texts you, if he doesn't introduce you to his mom, you aren't special and he is just using you for sex. Obvs Tiger is in the wrong, but we can't have young women thinking this is the normal way to behave. Girls these days need more confidence....trust me, you are worth it, ladies!
—Anne

Dear Seeing Clearly:
I'm completely with ya, dollface. I think most of the country sees these slutwreckers for what they are, tho. In fact, I haven't heard anyone coming to these girls' defense. There's a reason for that.

Dear Ted:
Robert Pattinson and his love of his life have their films out within a week of each other in March, will this be to their benefit, competition and all. What do you think: Remember Me vs. The Runaways... Tipping the scale here but The Runaways for me will have more balls. Am I wrong?
—I luv R Patz

Dear Vegas Vamp:
My odds assessment is with you, babe.

Dear Ted:
Will the comparisons between Selena Gomez and Miley Cyrus ever stop? Everything these girls do is brought to this stupid "feud" about who is the "Disney queen." It's getting a little old. There couldn't be more differences from each other and yet again everybody seems to have a place in putting them in the same bag.
—Loltree

Dear Oddly Worked Up:
Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera went through the same thing. It's a right of teen-queen passage.

Dear Ted:
What did you think of Taylor Lautner on SNL? I thought it was OK. Of course we were going to see New Moon jokes and something about Taylor Swift, but I'm curious to know what you thought about it.
—Courtney

Dear Decent:
Kind of like you said, it was predictable, but cute. Some funny moments, but I would have liked to have seen Rob host one, too!

Dear Ted:
I think I have Tobey Yum-Yum and Me-Me Dallas figured out! Were these lovebirds planning on being virgins until marriage?
—Andie

Dear Young Love:
They might have had a little Britney and Justin Timberlake thing going on.

Dear Ted:
Teddy, you naughty boy! What did you say in TL&T this week that was so bad it got pulled? Exactly which crumb pissed off Rob's "team"? And what does Nikki have that you want so bad? Is it all related?
—The foopers

Dear Twi-Heated:
It's much simpler than that: I was pretty sick, bronchitis from hell, nothing more. First one I ever missed, sorry!

Dear Ted:
I just saw your item about Rachel Uchitel and Jaron Lowenstein and I almost gagged. You know the game about six degrees with Kevin Bacon, unfortunately now I have three degrees with Tiger Woods. Let me explain. About 14 years ago, when I was a 23-year-old hottie, I hooked up with Jaron, before he hit it big with his brother. I was a recent UGA grad and ran into him at Hole in the Wall, a club in Atlanta. After several weeks of hot phone calls (before the cell revolution), I hooked up with him at his house the night before Thanksgiving. I am not proud of it, especially since I am now married and mother to a beautiful 4-month-old. Anyway, I don't know what this proves, but I saw your item and had to gag. You can reach me for confirmation, but if not, love your column and love you!
—Sarah

Dear Too Funny:
What a small, hornyass world we live in! Now, more importantly, share the deets!

Dear Ted:
In light of this new Tiger Woods saga, is any celeb really who they seem to be? I'm not even a fan of Tiger, but it is disheartening to find out that he is such a phony. I'm a huge fan of Jen Garner, but you say she is a snake—dishearting! Tell me, is there any celeb who is who they say they are? Or is La La Land just full of a bunch of fakers?
—Disheartened

Dear D Word:
Not everyone in this town sucks. But think of it this way, in order to make it you have to be conniving as hell. There are millions of people who want a shot at fame. The ones who get there don't always do it by ethical or moral ways.

Dear Ted:
I just have to say Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are too cute! I know you aren't a big fan of hers, but have you seen these pictures? How can you not smile at their adorableness?
—Lulu

Dear Misread:
Are you kidding—I'm a huge fan of Miley. I'll blast her music sometimes. But I'm a fan of crazy Miley. Not I'm-so-sweet-why-does-everyone-seem-to-pick-on-me Miley. She knows damn well what she's getting herself into when she uses a stripper pole on stage or takes nudish photos. Just own it, girl! And yes, Miles and Liam are oh so cute. Wonder what else they're doing when the photogs can't catch them!

Dear Ted:
Ryan Gosling is frickin' yummy. What the hell is Rachel McAdams thinking?
—AMJ

Dear Got Me:
Clearly she's listening to something in her head, not her libido.

Dear Ted:
I love Twilight, but the fans are freaking me out. Do they honestly think that Edward Cullen and Bella are real? There are so many stories talking about either relationships failing because the girl wants her boyfriend to be like Edward or some other rubbish. It's hilarious, but seriously it's all starting to scare me.
—Amethyst

Dear Fact or Fiction:
Yeah, there are a few Twi-hards out there who take it to another level. We just want to keep it fun and real here at the A.T. It's def more about what Edward represents (the ideal guy who has flaws but is hopelessly in love with you) that gets these girls hot and bothered.

Dear Ted:
I started out just a Kristen Stewart fan, having seen her in Into the Wild, and thanks to you I am now a Robsten fan. Whenever you go on any message boards where there is a story on Kristen, I am always incredibly shocked at the outright hostility shown to this poor girl. It's really vile and nasty. Is it just because she is considered to be with Rob? Have you ever seen any such case before?
—Rhonda

Dear Sexist Boards:
It seems so simple, but yeah. Too many of these people (aka girls) think Kristen "isn't good enough" to be with the perfect guy like Rob. But little do they know, both have their flaws. They are human! Not vampires. The angry girls writing in the comment boards have that voice in the back of their head that if only Rob met them they'd be in love.

Dear Ted:
I just moved to Texas from Miami Beach. A big change. Things are not going as well as I hoped, but at least the Awful Truth is keeping me company and the bright yellow background is cheering me up. Have a great new year!
—Esteban

Dear Oh Darling:
Please return to Miami as soon as possible, there's really not much more I can say. But thanks!

Dear Ted:
What's the deal on Tori and Dean—"in love" or "in love for the cameras"? There are some rumors out there about him, are there not?
—Stella

Dear Random One:
What a different group of people to write about. They're certainly no perfect couple. They surely have their problems. What exactly are you hearing, doll?

Dear Ted:
Is Neil Patrick Harris in any way bisexual? He plays the girl-obsessed Barney Stinson a little too well. But maybe it's just me wishing that I had even the slightest chance with him—he is so good-looking and funny and a total sweetie.
—Lulu

Dear Crushed by Neil:
Sorry darling, he's gay as they come! But that just shows what a great actor he is. Neil's even more deelish in person, too.