Bitch-Back! Captain Chace Crawford Gets Connected

Readers wonder if he'll get a superhero girlfriend

By Ted Casablanca Mar 01, 2010 7:34 PMTags
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Dear Ted:
Now that Chace Crawford is rumored to be in the running for the role of Captain America, should we expect another CW, very heterosexual coupling? Or does Chace have more balls then his network buddies and will climb the H.W. ladder without a woman to hide behind?
—A

Dear Captain Obvious:
The best way to generate buzz in H'wood is with a hot new relaysh, so I wouldn't expect C.C.—should he get the part, what with so much competition to wear Captain A's red, white and blue tights—to be a single superhero. No word yet on who's up for female role, but if she's young and hot, expect to see them on the cover of your weekly tabs.

Dear Ted:
Just curious when we're gonna hear you weigh in on the fact that Reese is so desperate to look desired she's now hired her agent to be her boyfriend? I mean, isn't this a bit much? Though maybe he needs her too, so it might be a mutually beneficial arrangement, non?
—Caroline

Dear Business and Pleasure:
When has R.W.'s love life—at least recently—been anything but pathetic? I'm not saying she's paying the dude to be her BF, but Reesey sure does have back luck at picking guys, huh?

Dear Ted:
Angie
is "incredibly hurt" by the negative press? Come on! Since when does Angelina Jolie give a rat's ass what the public thinks about her behavior? Her regular shock tactics with Billy Bob, carrying on with Brad on the down-low while he was married, extremely outspoken opinions...none of that indicates she cares one tiny little bit what people might think of her character. Your thoughts?
—Cathy

Dear Sticks and Stones:
A.J. is less worried about what the public thinks of her and more worried about what her kids will think of the tabloid fodder. Ange is a superstar, sure, but she's also a mom and she doesn't want her kids to read awful things about her—what mother would?

Dear Ted:
Is Kristen Stewart turning into a fashionista? First, she was awarded Elle's Woman of the Year, then she was photographed at London's Fashion Week in the front row with one of the Olsen twins and Kate Hudson. Is she trading her Converses for Jimmy Choos and her plaid shirts for couture dresses? Or is she just trying to extend her stay in London to be closer with a certain someone? If so, she certainly is one smart gal.
—Faye

Dear Fashion Forward:
Don't all stars somewhat ditch their tomboy ways when they make it big? Except Rosie, but I've got it on good authority that K.Stew doesn't open any Crocs. So expect to see less grunge and a bit more couture—but don't worry, she won't retire those Converses for good.

Dear Ted:
I'm so not getting why some people (or maybe it's just her publicist for all we know) are sticking up for Jennifer Garner. The one in the B.B. saying that she's a bitch only because the paparazzi are taking pics of her kid at school is totally wrong. I remember Jennifer Garner being on Conan O'Brien back when Daredevil came out and she scolded him for using improper English. Of course, Conan threw it back in her face with proof that he was correct. Ever since then, she's always left a bad taste in my mouth. Plus, I bet she loves the paparazzi taking pictures of her with her kids because it makes her more likable to everyone. I just had to put my two cents in. Love ya!
—W

Dear Longtime Grudge:
Different strokes, different folks, I guess? Plus, seems J.G. can turn the charm on and off. Who knows with this lady? But here at the A.T. we'll keep our distance. Better safe than sorry. Love ya back!

Dear Ted:
I was just wondering what you thought of the latest Jackles development. They've officially appointed their bodyguard as their mouthpiece whenever they're not around, and said bodyguard has stated, among other things (some that are pretty awful, in my humble opinion), that the gay rumors are just that, rumors. So technically that means it's true, right? And in an official capacity since he speaks for them, that means that they are also saying that they're merely rumors. Was it a good idea for them to allow their bodyguard to say this? What do you think of them denying it, finally?
—L

Dear Protection Plan:
A bodyguard is a lot more intimidating than a publicist, huh?

Dear Ted:
Could you please tell us, based on your information and belief, which of the following coupling will last the longest and which will expire first? Brangelina, Toothy and Grey Goose, Bradley and Renée or TomKat?
—Lilian

Dear Couples Counseling:
Brad and Renée will be over before you know it (if it isn't already) and with the constant rumors about trouble in both Brangelina and TomKat's relationships, something big is going to happen in at least one of them soon. As for T.T. and G.G.? I guess we'll have to see what happens if Toothy decides to come out.

Dear Ted:
Greetings from snowy NYC. We were just wondering, now that all this info has leaked about their drug issues, will you reveal if Charlie Sheen and Brooke Mueller were ever a Blind Vice? Thanks!
—Marge

Dear Rehab Check In:
There's nothing Blind about those two's Vices. They air their dirty laundry for everyone to see.

Dear Ted:
Do you think Supernatural fans have a very low IQ? It seems like the actors feel the need to constantly remind their fans (by making laughable homemade hostages vids) that the obviously fake Twitter accounts are fake. So, either this fandom is particularly mentally challenged or the actors believe they are, because as far as I remember, no other celebs feel the need to babysit/police their fans like that, do they? Their very smart spokesman originally stated that he took upon himself to intercede because predators were attacking underaged fans, but he recently wrote that this problem could wait for the summer break to be mentioned to the network. Or could the super-bodyguard-defender-of-the-pure-souls who seems to be the instigator of all this have not-so-noble intentions, like, I don't know, self-promotion? Nah, this behavior doesn't exist in H'wood.
—B

Dear Super Weirded Out:
The bodyguard does seem a bit sketchy, but as for self-promotion: It's Hollywood—who's not trying to get a little bit of fame, no matter how it is achieved? Tho, Jensen and Jared are fighting their rumors a like good old Brangelina. Should we expect them to sue a tabloid next?

Dear Ted:
Do you think Leo with settle with Bar Refaeli or anyone else anytime soon? Or is he headed down George Clooney's path?
—Mobey

Dear Model Behavior:
Leo is quite the lovah. When he goes out, he likes to hang with his bachelor friends and handfuls of models. Don't expect him to settle down when he's still way too into the game.

Dear Ted:
By my account, you have answered the Robsten question—albeit in different ways—approximately 358,279 times. Enough already!
—Murphy

Dear Counter:
OK, number 358,280.

Dear Ted:
Hollywood parenting typically doesn't make for good offspring, but kudos to Mr. & Mrs. Stewart. Their talented daughter is not only humble, but reflects a solid family background. One of the reasons we heart her.
—Sean

Dear Chip Off The Old Black:
One of the many reasons we heart her, too. Kudos, Stew-parents.

Dear Ted:
As a fan of Orlando Bloom, I am so pleased that he has been working again. He seems to be taking a smart route with supporting roles in independent films (Main Street, Sympathy for Delicious) and a lead role. What else can he do to get his career going again? I can't wait to see him onscreen again.
—C

Dear Blooming Success:
Indies are nice and all, but if Orly really wants to make it big again he's going to have to take a blockbuster or two—like, say, the next Pirates of the Caribbean sequel which he has reportedly very stupidly declined. Yeah, the last two may have totally sucked, but at least you were acting in a huge hit franchise with Johnny Depp.

Dear Ted:
In recent days you've been implying that our beloved Toothy Tile may see the light ("You may even hear from our pal Toothy soon."), be true to himself (and Grey Goose) and finally come out. But with his recent breakup so fresh, wouldn't his coming out be too embarrassing and potentially damaging for his ex-beard? She certainly has a career and image she needs to protect.
—Melina

Dear Know It All:
Well, if you're so confident you know who T.T. is, then why does he even have to come out in the first place?

Dear Ted:
Are the Blind Vice swingers Secretia and Chester Will and Jada Smith? I heard a friend's relative was at one of their parties.
—Chris

Dear Willennium:
Not quite. Think more athletic on the guy's part, not the lady's.

Dear Ted:
So, I'm a bit confused. You said about the whole Vampire Diaries-dating thing: "you're basically required to at least appear to date your costar. Call it the 'Gossip Girl Precedent,' it keeps the buzz going for the usually ratings-challenged shows." This is where I get confused. It's not like we see any of the show's stars out and about to make us think they are dating, so what's with the answer? I take it you mean someone is gay, and you can't say anything more because it makes it look like he/she actually is. So was this a crazy theory?
—Jennifer

Dear Dating Diary:
Nina Dobrev
and Paul Wesley—and then Nina and Ian Somerhalder—have been playing it pretty cozy in all of their Vampire Diaries press to get the ball rolling on the "are they/aren't they" guessing game. And it seems to be working.

Dear Ted:
I can't help but ask: I'm a huge Kristen Stewart fan, what is she really like?
—Angelique

Dear The Real Deal:
K.Stew is just as great as you hear—why do you think we totally love her to bits?

Dear Ted:
Love you, Ted! And love seeing your cuddly pooches! A question: Has Shafterella Shoshstein met Baby Tile? Perhaps babysat for Toothy? Taken Baby Tile on walks in the park?
—Kelly

Dear Baby Business:
H'wood is a small town—plenty of connections between random people.

_______

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