Bitch-Back! Are Keanu and Justin That Well Behaved?

Readers want to know if Reeves and Timberlake have clean H'wood slates

Dear Ted:
On Twitter you said that Keanu Reeves was a savvy guess for Crescent Kumquat. So, does that mean he has been one of your other Blind Vices?
—Amanda F., New York

Dear Twitter Tweaker:
Yep.

Dear Ted:
Two questions about two of my fave boys. You've hinted that Bradley Cooper has been one of your Blind Vices. Was this recently, back in the Alias days or somewhere in between? Care to give us a hint? Secondly, I love me some Justin Timberlake, but it seems like he has such a clean rep even among those "in the know." Is he really that good of a guy, or does he just have a ridiculously good publicist?
—Amanda

Dear Hunk Detective:
Bradley's vices can be strung through all of those time periods. And as for your second question, I don't know anyone who has a squeaky-clean record, celeb or otherwise, so you'd better believe that includes J.T. But don't worry, his aren't dudes.

Dear Ted:
So the writing on the wall appears to read that Summit will do its best to keep R and K apart this summer. Kristen in L.A., and Rob in NY, working on their new movies. I'm sure they will encourage and promote rumors that R is dating his new costar, and K will be the star of multiple photo shoots with Michael Angarano and Nikki. Should the Robsten fans just give it up for now?
—JinNola

Dear Concerned:
You can't call yourself a Robsten fan if you're going to give up just like that! There are two more movies after this one—don't think a little distance will keep these two apart forever.

Dear Ted:
Forget about truth—it's time for a dare! I dare you to do the next installment of Truth, Lies & Ted completely naked.
—Glo

Dear Double Dare:
Unfortunately, there are some prudes here who may not appreciate my nudity as much as you would like! But the dare idea isn't a bad one!

Dear Ted:
Has anyone guessed John Mayer as Crotch Uh-lastic? Would be an interesting hint as he did wear that hideous crotch elastic on that cruise of his. He's also alluded he likes the male honeys as well. If it is him, I know you probably won't confirm—lawyers and all. I can't help but wonder if it is him, and naturally what the hell was Jen Aniston thinking when she hooked up with him? Tell me she has a brain rattling around in that head of hers! Let's say for argument's sake it was him. Did she do it to save face in the wake of the Brangelina affair? He's doesn't command that kind of respect—it makes her look pathetic. Did she do it to make Brad jealous? As if he cares—look what he's knocking boots with! Is it John Mayer?
—Sara, Calgary

Dear I'll Stop You There:
Mayer isn't Crotch, but yes, judging by John's dress-up, I wouldn't be surprised if he liked role-playing, too.

Dear Ted:
My weekends are hell waiting for your hot gossip! You and Answer B!tch crack me up on Twitter. Hope Butch is much better—many kitty prayers sent. Keep up the Robsten news. I'm in my 40s but still love the Robsten dish.
P.S. You're one hot dish yourself! Belated congrats to you and hubby.
—Lisa in Katy

Dear Sweet Thing:
Much thanks, babe, and Butch is doing better, but keep the kitty prayers coming. And as long as Robsten keep pulling off their closed-door shenanigans, there will be mucho dish to serve, trust.

Dear Ted:
This site is becoming all Twilight, all the time. It's getting to be too much. Have you been tossed from the rest of the Hollywood scene? You are obsessed, but not everyone else shares in this. Please, can't you find somebody new to talk about? George Clooney? Anybody? Make somebody up, but please limit your Twilight rants to, say, 25 percent of your posts? I don't want to look elsewhere for my gossip, but I'm getting bored.
—Lauren

Dear Twi'd Out:
Understandable, dear, but you know these Hollywood fads. Robsten is the new Brangelina currently. Plus, with Britney trying to be kept sane, Paris supposedly getting hitched, Nicole wifed up and Lindsay's same-old troubles, Rob and Kristen are the new batch of It kids. Sorry!

Dear Ted:
I know the answer already, and I know it's mean to say this, but do you really feel as if this kind of drivel that you report is meaningful in any way, and if not, why don't you take a risk, quit getting paid to talk like a teenage girl about things that should only interest a teenage girl and make some meaning of your life's work.
—Make It Simple

Dear Pot and Kettle:
Do you think reading all of this goss is changing your life in any way? If it is, then my job is already done. And if it's not, maybe you should get off the celeb blogs and go to other sites.

Dear Ted:
Is it safe to assume that those cuties Rob and Kristen got a scolding when the pictures of them returning to the hotel (just the two of them) late at night surfaced and made their way to Summit?
—EB

Dear Tsk-Tsk:
Yes.

Dear Ted:
All this Twi, Robsten stuff that has consumed at least half of your Awful Truth has had one positive result for me: I skim right past it—because I'm over 24 and couldn't care less about them—and have found other gossip pages that don't cater to pimple-poppers. I still love your column, minus the teenybopper crap.
—Victoria

Dear Robsten Revolt:
If you could fly up to Vancouver and snap a pic of the two confirming they're dating, you'll save both of us the trouble of posting too much about it.

Dear Ted:
Have been reading for years, and just love ya! I am wondering, does Toothy Tile's beard have a nickname? Is she a past Blind Vice? Thanks!  
—NMHutcheson

Dear Mrs. Tooth:
Of course.