BravoThe Real Housewives of Dallas are finally here. They see your obsession with etiquette, Potomac, and they raise you a fervent infatuation with charity. Seriously, they were so consumed by the Dallas charity scene in the series premiere, it was all they talked about. Well, that and poop and farts. Naturally.
The first hour of Bravo's latest addition to its esteemed franchise delivered the requisite introductions to the ladies—Brandi Redmond, Stephanie Hollman, Cary Deuber, Tiffany Hendra, LeeAnne Locken, and friend Marie Reyes—and their various goings on. History was even made when LeeAnne revealed herself to be franchise's first carny-turned-Housewife. Tagline? "I grew up a carny kid. Play games with me and you're gonna pay."
Everything's bigger in Texas, y'all. Even the backstories!
A few observations/questions after the premiere:
LeeAnne may be the franchise's first former carny, but is she also the first Housewife to be open about her relative lack of wealth? She admitted that she wasn't a millionaire and that her way to play the charity game she's so obsessed with is "not so much writing the big checks. I volunteer." It's clear that it was her sharp tongue (and hard-fought connections) that earned her a spot in the cast, not her stacks of cash.
It's clear that the season's main feud will be between LeeAnne's obsession with proper charity event decorum and Brandi and Stephanie's constant poop and fart talk. Sometimes, girls just want to have fun, drink their Jesus juice and pass a little gas. Is that so much to ask? (When in other people's homes, maybe.)
Keith Urban may or may not be living a double life down in Dallas as Tiffany's aspiring rocker husband. We can not confirm this, but the dude she introduced as her husband looked startlingly similar to the Aussie American Idol judge. Nicole Kidman, do you know where your husband is?
Who is Marie and why will she take whatever leftover food LeeAnne has on her plate? "Marie, do you want this deviled egg? She loves that. Marie will eat almost anything." Would you, though, Marie? Would you?!
"Stephanie's son threw a bunch of dog turds in the pool with his bare hands and then peed his pants." The fact that we had to write the preceding note while watching means we've found the franchise's next Milania Giudice, right?
Did LeeAnne refer to salsa as "Mexican sauce" when transferring her takeout to nicer plates? Because we're pretty sure she did.
Never mimic anyone in the Dallas charity scene. Just never, ever.
The night's best lines:
"We'll have a little too much to drink and we'll pee in bushes and she will fart on command and I will dance in her fart." Why wouldn't anyone want Brandi and Stephanie at their event?
"I don't know how you get a job drinking and socializing, but maybe I should look into it." Congrats, Cary. Looks like you figured it out!
"It's a little Plano in here." Our favorite new insult. (Apologies to the wonderful people of Plano in advance.)
"The carnival really prepared me for life in Dallas society." Amen, sister.
Are you planning a return visit to Dallas for next week's episode? Vote in our poll below.
The Real Housewives of Dallas airs Mondays at 10 p.m. on Bravo.
(E! and Bravo are both part of the NBCUniversal family.)