Travis Barker is getting candid about his highs and lows in his upcoming memoir, Can I Say.
After surviving a plane crash with the late DJ AM that killed four others in 2008, the famous drummer explains to Billboard that he was "living very much day-to-day" and suffering from depression.
"My attitude was like, 'S--t, I could be dead tomorrow.' I grew up losing my mom at a young age, being shot at a young age. Doing lots of drugs. If it was my time, it was my time, but then it wasn't until when I had kids—everything changed."
Barker also opened up about the lowest point in his life, while he was in Australia in 2004, saying, "I was so addicted to Oxycodone, and I had security that would actually sleep during the day and then stay up at night to make sure I was breathing…My bones were so brittle from so much painkiller use."
The father of two continued, "I had this moment when I got to Europe for that tour where I really identified myself as a dumpster, and I wasn't proud. I was scared. I had to call Mark [Hoppus] and say, 'Hey man. I'm like borderline suicidal. I'm going crazy. I need to go home.'"
And when asked about how his perspective on life has shifted over the years since the plane crash, he shares, "Unless you're actually going through something like that, you don't know how it feels…I'd just see people walking through their day and they don't realize they've never looked death in the face."
If you or someone you know needs help, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255).