ABC28 years ago on this date, three dudes raising three girls walked into our lives. It wasn't just a crowded house…it was a Full House. And if Lifetime's Unauthorized Full House Story taught us anything, it was also a weird house that Bob Saget didn't really like that much.
Since it's the anniversary of the premiere of that iconic sitcom that introduced us to such classic lessons as "how to become billionaires before age 16" and "it's not sad to live in the basement if you have a woodchuck puppet," we thought we would celebrate the past and the future, because Fuller House is coming to Netflix very soon and it's going to be bananas.
So to honor this historic date, we turned to our resident Full House expert, Brit, who has seen every episode multiple times and knows pretty much everything there is to know about this show. She can even tell the Olsen twins apart, from season one all the way to 2015. She's a Full House wizard.
But she has some burning questions that she needs answered, and if Brit the Tanner Expert needs answers, then the entire world needs ‘em, too.
Here are the things we need closure on, straight from our authority on all things Full House:
1. What are Jesse and The Rippers up to? Are they touring?
2. Is Mrs. Carruthers still working at the Frasier Street Elementary School? And is she still a creep for Joey Gladstone?
3. Michelle makes DJ a Rice Krispies retainer container retainer container for Christmas, but DJ never wore braces. What the hell Michelle?!
4. Are Becky and Vicky competing to run every news station in the county now?
5. Is Becky America's #1 MILF still? (Always yes.)
6. Did Aaron Bailey murder Mr. Woodchuck?
7. How is the Smash Club? Are toilets samples still being delivered?!
8. Has Danny sought treatment for his OCD, or does he still put a utility belt on Michelle, call her his "special helper?"
9. Is Kimmy still working at the Smash Club as a waitress?
10. Did DJ and Steve ever get the chance to run Camp Lakota together?
11. What happened to Michelle's super badass identical cousin from Greece?
12. Has anyone ever touched on the time the family was marooned on an island? They casually set up camp, made their way to a concert, and Jesse got on stage to sing Elvis and all was good?!
13. Why did Papouli have to die? No one was ready for that emotional roller coaster!
14. Can Danny and Joey dress as women again to steal a stuffed seal from sorority girls and get arrested?!
15. Did Aunt Becky ever have any resentment for having to sell her house because Uncle Jesse was too sad to leave Michelle? Sell your house to live in an attic of a house with five other people? Becky is some sort of angel.
16. Does Danny still drive Walter the red convertible?
17. How did they make over 1 million dollars in a 24-hour telethon? It was literally DJ holding a lollipop pushing Michelle around in a grocery cart.
18. Michelle made hundreds of dollars from her lemonade stand, and she bought a donkey?!? (90s sitcoms were the best.)
19. Are Steph and Gia still in their band Girl Talk? And let's be serious, they aren't "just friends" still are they?
20. Did Jesse ever let Danny into his band?? How can you turn down Danny's stage name "Mildew?"
21. Where is Comet? Is he with Michelle's fish Martin, who she killed when she gave it a bath?
22. Is Michelle still pissed off that she wasn't cast as Yankee Doodle in America the Beautiful?
23. Can America get one more episode of Rush Hour Renegades? Just. One. More.
24. How did 10-year-old DJ and Kimmy put a down payment on a horse? How?!
25. Does everyone remember the time Joey bought DJ a stolen car for her birthday, but everyone just convinced the cop he is foolish, so the cop him go? Is that going to come back to haunt him?
26. Why does Kimmy greet Danny in one episode as "Mr. T-Bag?" Does she have more dirty nicknames up her sleeve for Fuller House?
27. Whatever happened to the Mr. Egghead Show?
28. How did an 8-year-old stop the family from receiving a huge offer on their house to move out, because she didn't want to split up the damn family? What's your problem, Michelle?
29. Did Kimmy marry Duane? Were his wedding vows just the word "whatever?"
30. Does anyone remember when Mickey Rooney owned a joke store and held Michelle and Jesse captive because he didn't want to spend Christmas alone? Did that have any long-term effects on either of them?
31. Do Nicky and Alex still wear matching outfits, or have the developed the ability to have independent thoughts?
32. Are Danny and Becky still hosting Wake Up San Francisco?
33. Are Danny and Joey married yet?
Brit the Full House guru has spoken. Get to work, Fuller House!