Favor, can you run to the store and grab us some bleach so we can use it on our brains?
We need to talk about The Good Wife, y'all. Of course, we always need to talk about The Good Wife, but specifically, after Sunday's episode, we need to talk about those "sexy" emails Alicia (Julianna and Margulies) and—sob!—our dearlY departed Will (Josh Charles) sent each other two years ago. Because they were literally the opposite of sexy. They weren't even sexy's second-cousin-once-removed-that-you-occasionally-see-at-family-holiday-parties.
Listen, Will and Alicia are one of our all-time favorite TV couples ever, but these leaked emails are tarnishing and we will not stand for it. Come on, there is NO way that they called each other "baby." Nope. We just refuse to accept it. La-la-la, w can't here you.
In one email, with the subject line "Linguistics," Alicia tells Will she wishes she could "chain" his tongue around her hips so that she "could get those delicious linguistics" whenever she wants. Barf City, population: us.
But the cringes continue! In another email, Will tells Alicia she sent him to heaven over the weekend (Foreshadowing?!), before saying his only purpose in life is to be "a servant" to her body. I'm sorry, is your name Will Gardner or Anastasia Steele?! The best (or worst?) part is that the subject line is "New York Conference."
To paraphrase Will, these emails are leaving us exhausted, baby.
P.S. Alicia signs her emails "A." OMG, is she really the person who's been terrorizing Rosewood on Pretty Little Liars all this time? Now that's a crossover we'd kill for.
Don't worry, we still love you, A. (Just maybe don't send sexy emails ever again?)
The Good Wife airs Sundays at 9 p.m. on CBS.