Hopefully Jane Kimmel inherits her parents' sense of humor!
Eleven days after Jimmy Kimmel and Molly McNearney welcomed their first daughter, he resumed taping Jimmy Kimmel Live! Monday. "We've been off work for the last two weeks. We've actually been on vacation. I got a lot done. I painted a mirror in my house. I grew this beard. Oh, and I had a baby also. My wife and I made a baby. You know how we did it?" Kimmel, 46, asked. "We made it out of sex."
"My wife is doing fine. I'm fine, too. I was so brave. I cried a little but I didn't scream. You guys would've been very proud of me," the late-night host joked during his opening monologue. "We had a little girl. We named her after my grandmother—her name is Grandma Kimmel. No, we named her Jane."
Kimmel then shared a picture of his daughter "freshly out of the womb." "Do you know they come out wearing clown makeup? It's the weirdest thing," he joked. "She went a little bit heavy on the foundation." The next picture showed the newborn wearing a bow: "She's drunk as a skunk right there."
A third photo featured Kimmel caressing his daughter's face. "You can see, her head's like the size of a plum. She weighed 6 lbs., 1 ounce, 20 inches long," the comedian cooed. "Just above the legal limit."
The fourth picture showed Jane giggling. "We showed her her first Tyler Perry movie and she loved it," Kimmel joked. In the fifth and final picture, Jane hid her face from the camera. "I've been taking in the neighborhood of 10,000 pictures of her a day and she's finally had enough of it. She thinks I'm with TMZ now," the proud papa joked. Kimmel continued, "I have a 22-year-old daughter and a 20-year-old son already, but it's interesting how much you forget. Like, did you know they don't eat pizza at this age?"
The native Brooklynite then referenced his security guard and sidekick Guillermo Rodriguez, quipping, "Caring for a new baby is kind of scary but fortunately I've had a lot of practice someone who sleeps most of the day and always wants a bottle. So thank you, Guillermo. You've prepared me very well."
Before he interviewed the Guardians of the Galaxy cast, which included Dave Bautista, Bradley Cooper, Vin Diesel, Chris Pratt and Zoe Saldana, Kimmel thanked his fans for all the "nice words" and "well wishes" his family has received since McNearney gave birth on July 10. "Rest assured we're gonna do everything in our power to make this the best baby since a cute little guy called Jesus," the host joked.