We were going to be all like "Happy Hump Day, TV fans!" until tonight's jaw-dropping Arrow basically killed us. We're dead now and we can't remember what else there is in this world to care about. You might accuse us of getting carried away with our television emotions and we might gasp and deny it profusely because Arrow just blew our freakin' minds, and then we might fall to our knees in distress and throw our fists in the air and shout, "Why, TV gods, why?!"
Anyway, let's get to it. Warning, spoilers for Wednesday's TV shows ahead!
Arrow Basically, everything came to some sort of head in tonight's ep, "Seeing Red," and we need bullet points to deal with it all.
Roy'd Rage: Remember that time Colton Haynes played the lizard man monster on Teen Wolf? That was child's play compared to his current state as the Mirakuru'd out Roy Harper. He actually managed to injure Ollie, giving him an adorable limp, and he killed two cops with the arrow he caught (because all villains on this show can do that, apparently). He attacked basically everyone we know and love, and was only brought down by three arrows filled with Tibetan pit viper venom. So he's sedated, for now, but definitely not for good.
Goodbye, Ollie and Sara: When it became clear that Roy was a danger, Sara's immediate reaction was that he should be killed, believing he could not be cured. After Roy was sedated and tied up, she told Ollie that he deserved someone who hadn't sold her soul to the devil and someone who could bring out the light in him (cue the squealing Olicity fans). She then took off on her bike to "see an old friend," apparently leaving Starling City far behind.
Moira Freakin' Queen: Where do we even start? First, we find out that seven years ago, Ollie got a girl pregnant, and that girl was not Laurel, or Sara, and that Moira paid the baby mama two million dollars to a) tell Ollie she lost the baby and b) raise the kid properly. Next, we discover that Moira has pretty much always known that Oliver was the Hood, and our hearts basically exploded when she told him how proud she is.
Mrs. Queen nearly dropped out of the mayoral race in order to focus more on repairing her relationship with her children, but changed her mind at the last minute, and it looked like she really might win. It also looked like we were going to learn more secrets in the limo home from her speech with Thea and Oliver, until—mid-sentence about Malcolm Merlyn—something slammed into the limo! After a torturous commercial break, we discovered the three of them tied up under the watchful eye of Slade Wilson, who created an opportunity to finally get revenge on Oliver for Shado's death by forcing him to choose between his mother and Thea. As it turned out, he didn't have to—Moira volunteered to sacrifice herself, and Slade stabbed her, ending the episode with Thea crying over her mother's body and Slade telling us there was one more person who must die.
American Idol While there were a couple of duds, most of the top six somehow managed to keep from being too distracted by tonight's special guest, Grumpy Cat, to put out some pretty good stuff. Jena Irene opened the night with a pretty solid performance of Heart's "Barracuda," and Jessica Meuse killed the closing with Dolly Parton's "Jolene," which is just a good song in general, so she gets extra points for song choice. We'll find out tomorrow who won't make it into the top five!
Survivor: Cagayan: Say goodbye to Jeremiah! While Spencer could have saved him with the idol, he instead chose to save himself, leaving Jeremiah vulnerable and ultimately the one on the chopping block after the reformation of the alliance that splintered a bit last week when LJ was voted out. We really just can't wait until Tony's gone, but at the same time, he's made this season crazy entertaining, so we're kind of torn. It's the classic Survivor catch-22. In any case, seven are left and we can't wait to see what happens next.
What did you watch on Wednesday night? Sound off in the comments!
Modern Family: Elsewhere, in the much less upsetting TV world, the Modern Family gang headed to Australia for a great big family vacation. Phil got punched in the face by a kangaroo, Cam and Mitch almost partied with Hugh Jackman, and the kids went hunting—Lily for the perfect souvenir, Haley for a hot surfer dude, and Luke and Manny for bare breasts. It was exactly what you'd expect from the Pritchett/Dunphy clan down in Oz and we wouldn't have it any other way.
The Americans: How about a round of applause for the acting skills of Matthew Rhys and also everyone else on this show? Whether plagued by guilt over the casualties at the contra training base or struggling with the rage he felt at his daughter's choice of religion, Philip was quite the force of emotion tonight, and this show just keeps getting better and better.