When is the last time we went a week without a story about a beloved film getting a sequel and/or a reboot? This week, it was the Goonies sequel, which means kids of the '80s are thisclose to rioting if that film comes to fruition.
It seems like the past two years have been especially bad concerning recycled ideas, so we're honestly afraid that Hollywood has forgotten how to make original films. Granted, a lot of remakes are actually successful (The Amazing Spider-Man), and we are genuinely intriguied by some reboots (Fantastic Four). Plus, it's not exactly fair to judge a movie just based on a rumor or a simple casting announcement. But life isn't fair sometimes, and it's definitely not fair to take a perfectly good film and remake it without anyone asking for it.
After some research, we found over 30 remakes and sequels that as of right now are either about to be released, in production, confirmed to be happening or rumored to be happening. Regardless of its status, this list of reboots is just plain wrong:
1. Annie: Yes, it's a beloved musical and almost every human being knows the words to "Tomorrow," but there is no need for this.
2. The Crow: Stephen Norrington is calling it a "reinvention," which is just a fancy name for "reboot." It all means the same.
3. Flight of the Navigator: A cult classic from our childhood. Don't touch it, Hollywood. Don't.
4. Godzilla: We're a bit more on board after seeing the trailer and because Bryan Cranston can do no wrong, but this remake was definitely unnecessary. Even if it turns out to be really great, it definitely didn't need to happen.
5. Legend of Conan: Didn't we learn our lesson with the 2011 reboot starring Game of Thrones' Jason Momoa? Even Khaleesi hung her head in shame over this one.
6. Gremlins: Don't feed them after midnight. Don't get them wet. And don't remake a horror comedy classic if it's perfect on its own.
7. It: We just got over our clown nightmares from the original film based on the Stephen King novel, and you want to reboot it? No.
9. Drop Dead Fred: The remake will supposedly star Russell Brand, which makes us feel lots of things. None of them are good, especially after that whole Arthur debacle.
10. Honey, I Shrunk the Kids: This reboot is only a rumor at this point, and it has been for years. Rick Moranis will probably want no part in this, so what's the point?!
11. The Neverending Story: Not only would this be a travesty to our childhoods if this gets a sequel or whatever, but we do not want to see an update to that particular scene with Artax and the swamp. That moment is something a person just never gets over.
12. Cliffhanger: We're not waiting on the edge of our seats for this one. (See what we did there?)
13. Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure: Even if the original cast is on board, there's no need to make a sequel! Abe Lincoln saying "Party on, dudes!" is a scene that should be undisturbed and untouched forever.
14. Dirty Dancing: No one puts baby in the corner, and no one touches the original Dirty Dancing.
15. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: We got Bay'd on this one. Michael Bay'd.
16. The Naked Gun: Whoever has the balls to do this franchise over without the late, great Leslie Nielsen should be swiftly kicked in them.
17. Scarface: Why are they trying to redo this one again? The 1983 movie was a great remake of the original 1932 Scarface, so we ask again: Why? Is it because no one is hanging up the Al Pacino movie poster in dorm rooms anymore?
18. Weird Science: The perfect woman. The perfect '80s movie. Stay away, evil movie elves.
19. Escape From New York: More like escape from recycling action movie plots, right?!
20. Jumanji: One of two Robin Williams classics that might be getting the reboot treatment, and neither of them need to happen.
21. Mrs. Doubtfire: If they do make a Mrs. Doubtfire 2, then at the very least they should read our guidelines on how to make it not suck.
22. Rosemary's Baby: As horror movie fans, this NBC miniseries event gives us a bad feeling in the pit of our stomachs. And we wish it was only because of a demon baby.
23. The Mummy: No Brendan Fraser, no dice. Not even Rachel Weisz could stick it out for all three, which was more than enough for us, thanks. And no, we don't count The Scorpion King films. Stop remaking remakes!
24. National Lampoon's Vacation: Leave Chevy Chase and this classic comedy alone! Look, we love Ed Helms, who is rumored to be taking over the franchise, but no one should be doing these movies again, especially without Chevy Chase.
25. Goonies: For children of the '80s, this reboot rumor is personal.
26. Jurassic Park: We wish they didn't make two sequels to the original, let alone a reboot. The cast is solid though (hey Chris Pratt!), so this will be filed under the "tentatively accepted" category.
27. It's A Wonderful Life: It is indeed a wonderful life…if there is no remake.
28. Starship Troopers: Do you know why the original holds up so well? Because it's so much fun to mock! Did anyone ask for this?! Are they going to make it over-the-top ridiculous again? Or will they try to turn it into a serious space action movie? Either way…stop.
29. Tomb Raider: It didn't really work the first time, so stop trying to make Lara Croft happen (outside of video games)
30. Waterworld: This movie is dubbed as one of the worst films of all time. So…why? But more importantly…why?
31. Ghostbusters: We don't care which original castmembers are supposedly on board. We don't have Egon (R.I.P., Harold Ramis) and we probably don't have Bill Murray, so there's just no point. Also, Ghostbusters 2 is one of the few films that are just as good, if not better than the original. Why would you mess with something like that?
To sum all this up:
So, are there any films on this list you think could use a remake or a sequel? Let's talk it out below, mmm'kay?