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Ali Fedotowsky's Bachelorette Blog: A Shocking Departure! Plus, Ali's Confession About Roberto

Desiree, Chris Harrison, Ali Fedotowsky, The Bachelorette ABC/Rick Rowell, Getty Images

Editor's Note: Season six Bachelorette and current host of NBC's 1st Look Ali Fedotowsky is blogging exclusively on E! Online about the current season of The Bachelorette, giving her reactions and spilling behind-the-scenes secrets.

I'm honestly still shocked by last night's episode. I really thought Brooks and Chris would be the final two. It was so heartbreaking to see Brooks leave Desiree. So what happens now?

Let's talk it through. 

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Drew's date: I really don't see Desiree and Drew ending up together. When he pulled over to kiss her, it was very obvious to me that she didn't really want to kiss him. If Brooks or Chris pulled over like that, she would have jumped out of her seat and kissed them passionately. I didn't see that passion with her and Drew. I know they kissed a lot on the date, but it's all about quality in this case, not quantity. There wasn't even passion at the end of the night when they were on the bed. They just sat there in front of each other and kissed. It kind of reminded me of slow dancing in middle school and not wanting your bodies to touch. Ha!

Drew's a good guy. Very kind and sweet. Even though I don't think he'll be the one for Desiree, I don't think he'll have any problems finding someone to share his life with. 

Brooks' talk with his family: I really respect Brooks for being honest with himself about his feelings. He's a good guy. And you could see the pain in his face when he was talking to his family. 

READ: Get Ali's thoughts on last week's episode!

Honestly, more people should think this hard about proposing before doing it on the show. So many people jump into it. He didn't do that. I have so much respect for him and his decision. I've never said this publicly before, but I think I knew somewhere in the back of my mind that I wasn't 100 percent sure I should have gotten engaged to Roberto. I didn't really know him then. All I knew is that I was falling in love, swept off my feet in Tahiti, and believed in my heart that I would be ready to get married to him after some time passed. And in my case, as time passed, it didn't work.

When you ask someone to marry you, you should be so certain that you want to be with that person for the rest of your life that you'd be willing to marry them on the spot. That's just not ever the case on this show. People basically get engaged as strangers. A few lucky couples find that after the show, they really are right for each other, but the majority realize they aren't. Are the couples who made it still together because they "tried harder"? Absolutely not. They made it because they were lucky enough to meet their match on the show. Any couple from the show (whether still together or not) will tell you they didn't really fall in love on the show, they fell in love after the show. With all of that said, Brooks is a smart guy for asking himself those tough questions. It's hard to not get swept up in the fantasy. 

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I've said this before and I'll say it again, I definitely think you can fall in love at first sight. But how can you know you want to marry someone without really knowing them? You can jump into a marriage/engagement and hope it works out, but you can't really be sure. Up until the fantasy suite dates, you only get about 48 hours with each guy, not even. How can you really get to know someone in that amount of time? The real answer is: You can't. 

Chris's date: They had a seriously hot date on the beach. Desiree has an incredible bikini body! Reminds me that I need to start going to the gym (as I type this I'm eating pizza and drinking a beer). Maybe I'll start going next week. Yeaaaah, probably not.

READ: How did Ali and her new boyfriend meet?

I really appreciate that Chris was honest with Desiree about moving to Seattle. And Desiree's response was so cute and honest. I love that they talked through it. It was an honest, open and real conversation. And I've always said in these blogs that Chris was "by Desiree's side" on group dates, and Desiree noticed it too, because she mentioned it on their date last night.  I know last night's episode makes us think Desiree goes home alone after all this, but I don't believe it. I still think she ends up with Chris, but I just don't know how at this point. How do you tell a man you love him one week and then get engaged to another the next week? I don't think Desiree's heart could do that. Something has to happen... something we haven't seen on the show before. I'm honestly wondering if Brooks comes back or if Desiree goes home next week to take a few weeks to herself before the "final rose ceremony." I feel like one of those two things has to happen for her to end up with anyone. I guess we will see next week. 

READ: Emily Maynard picks the next Bachelor!

The Bachelorette, Brooks, Desiree Hartsock ABC

Back to Brooks.

I want to talk about this a little more because I know my Twitter followers were completely divided on how they felt about Brooks leaving. Some of you think he's a jerk, and some of you respect his decision to leave. It's honestly just a crappy and tough situation to be in, for both people involved. Last night's episode brought back so many sad memories from my season. I felt so sad and even sick to my stomach watching it. I know exactly what Desiree went through—feeling so hopeful at that point in the journey and then having the rug pulled out from under your feet. I honestly cried watching it. It's so heartbreaking. When she asked Brooks "Why now?" I think Brooks gave a very honest answer: "Because I didn't know." I believe him. I believe him because I left Jake at about the same time during his season of The Bachelor. I had to choose between my job or him, and at the end of the day I knew I wasn't falling in love and couldn't leave my job unless I was sure. Brooks was probably waiting for a moment to come when he realized he was falling in love, but that moment never came. Hometowns are when reality sinks in. It's where the show stops being a fantasy and becomes very real. Yeah, maybe he could have told her at his hometown date, but he probably wasn't 100 percent sure until he had some time to process it. It's truly heartbreaking, but it was the right thing to do. Desiree will be better off in the long run and so will he.

VIDEO: Desiree previews the "dramatic" finale

The thing that is so hard about this is that in "real life" there wouldn't be any pressure to get engaged or say "I love you" after a couple months of knowing someone. This type of breakup is almost impossible to process. They both love spending time together and have nothing but good things to say about each other. Brooks even said he think she "could" be the girl for him. He just doesn't know. He isn't in love right now. But did they break up because he isn't ready to marry her right now? Or did they break up because he won't ever want to marry her? How confusing is that for both of them to process? 

So all of this leaves me with questions. Does Brooks come back? Is Desiree single and not with anyone? Does she take a break from the show and go home before the final rose ceremony? I have no idea, but I cannot wait to see the finale next week to find out. Regardless, I know my girl Desiree is happy in life right now, and that's all that matters to me. But I'll say one final time that I still think she ends up with Chris.

READ: Pablo is close to signing on as the next Bachelor

This episode was pretty intense and I had a lot to talk about, so I'm going to save the Twitter questions I was going to answer for next week. And make sure to follow/tweet me at @alifedotowsky, because I could answer yours next week!

Until then...

Ali

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