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    Afternoon Mail! Uh, Can We Have a Little Skarsgård With That Pornographic Plot?

    Alexander Skarsgard Courtesy of Wireimage

    Dear Ted:
    We must start a campaign to get Alexander Skarsgård cast as Christian Grey! Seriously, who could be better? My only other thought is James Franco. Yay or nay? He can pull off the smoldering, troubled look pretty well, but I seriously can't think of anyone he would have great chemistry with, can you? Forgetting Franco for a moment, how about Katharine McPhee as Ana?
    —KLM and Kitties

    Dear Calm Down:
    Actually, on second thought, do not calm down...I like your sexy style! Particularly A.Skars as Grey—brilliant, smoldering casting. Alex knows his way around naughty plotlines, too! McPhee's not a bad idea, either. But, honey, what are you smoking to think the out-of-it dude who single-handedly ruined the 2011 Oscars could possibly resurrect any kind of palpable sexuality for Grey? Did you see how dork-gone that guy was? And that's not an unusual occurrence for the man, from what I hear. You might as well look to cast Christian from the cast of The Office, if that's your take.

    Dear Ted:
    I actually liked what Megan Fox said about being beautiful…I find it really annoying when supermodels complain about how hard it is to be attractive. At least Megan was telling the truth. Also, does she have a Blind Vice?
    —C

    READ: Megan Fox Won't Swap Places With "an Unattractive Girl"—Should We Be Offended?

    Dear Don't Hate Her Because She's Truthful:
    Yep, I'll give you that much: Megan sure does cut through the false humility stuff rather well. But just take a look at our poll, readers were pretty split on whether they approved of Fox's outspokenness. Good for you for cutting the political correctness and saying you support Meg! Not sure I agree, but that's the reason Fox does well with hot topics—she's nervy. Not to mention a member of the Blind Vice club, since you ask.

    Dear Ted:
    I follow Demi Lovato on Twitter, and recently she tweeted, "These things called 'blind items' are made up stories by people who won't name names because they don't want to be sued...if your rumor is true, why are you afraid of getting sued? #allblinditemsarefake" I couldn't help but think she was referring to your Blind Vices, I am a fan of your Vices, I read them all the time. Any choice words for Miss Lovato?
    —AG

    Dear Equal Fan:
    Thanks AG, but, I've already addressed Ms. D. But let me reiterate, those who protest too much usually have something they'd rather not let be known.

    Dear Ted:
    How do think of the names for your Blinds Vice? I think that you are an undercover comedian!
    Leah

    Dear Leah Laughs:
    The same way Demi says stuff: just off the top of my crazy head!

    READ: Demi Lovato Lashes Out at Cyberbullies: "Must Suck to Be Born Without a Heart"

    Dear Ted:
    All this talk of Fifty Shades casting and nobody mentions Michael Fassbender. Hello, how could you not picture him as Christian Grey? Especially when he talks about going crazy and destroying the sweet shop. Do you not remember that GQ interview?
    CarolinaGirl

    Dear Big Idea:
    Wow, another masterful idea, along with Skarsgård! Michael sure has what it takes—in more ways than one.

    Dear Ted:
    I am ashamed of saying that I am absolutely hooked on Fifty Shades of Grey. What a deliciously sexy waste of time. As for who should play the enigmatic dark and domineering Christian Grey, I say give it to none other than the always arbitrary Leo DiCaprio. Not only am I convinced he knows his way around a cat-of-nine-tails or a ruler, but I would sooo watch all kinds of kinky-f--kery Mr. DiCaprio has to dish. Finding it hard to breathe…
    —Rita

    Dear Crashing Halt:
    And so ends this decadently delightful reader-casting fantasy over who should play warped stud Christian. It's like somebody just turned the neon lights on at last call. Why not cast the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

    PHOTOS: Casting Couch

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