Say goodbye to Sasha Fierce and hello to Beyawncé.
That's who seems to be laying down tracks on Beyoncé's soon-to-be-released album, 4. It's no news that the album leaked forever ago, but now Page Six claims that B's peeps worry the album will bomb and have even tried to get her to rerecord some fresher tracks.
And must say, we think Beyoncé's a fool for not agreeing to it.
The album is pretty damn boring.
"It doesn't have the hit songs that her fans are used to. [The record label] asked her to make changes, but she said no," Page Six reports. As fans of B's entire discology—from "Crazy in Love" to "Halo"—we agree there's a serious lack of Bey's signature fierceness.
Or any fierceness at all, actually.
There's basically one dance song on the whole album, and you've already heard it—it's the Major Lazer-riffin' "Run the World (Girls)." When we saw the explosive, hyena-wranglin' clip, we figured we were in for another era of Top 40 hits, but there's nothing like the "Single Ladies" goodness of her last album.
There are maybe one or two tracks that could be described as mid-tempo ("End of Time" and, we guess, "Countdown") but for Destiny's Child's sake, a track called "Party" featuring Kanye West and Andre 3000 would be a total mood killer if it was played at, ya know, an actual party.
Don't get us wrong, we adore Beyoncé's ballads, but when the whole album is slow tracks that sound the same, we can't help but start to snooze. We know songs like "I Miss You," "Rather Die Young" and "I Was Here" are different, but we're having a hard time remembering which is which.
"I really focused on songs being classics," Beyoncé is quoted on her official site. "Songs that would last, songs that I could sing when I'm 50 and when I'm 60."
But you're not 60 now, B. And you're not Adele.
So stop trying so hard to be critically acclaimed and give us some of the tunes that put you on top. We expect Beyoncé tunes to make us shake our bootylicious butts and inspire us to learn choreography and upload it to YouTube—not to make us cry ourselves to sleep.
It might be a little late to hit the studio again, what with the album dropping next week. But if anyone can make it happen, B can.
This time think sexier and less snore-worthy, B!