LEGALLY WED: Reese Witherspoon tied the knot with agent Jim Toth at her ranch in Ojai. This is her second marriage and her first with a guest list that was a regular who's who of Hollywood: Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson, Sean Penn, Matthew McConaughey, Renée Zellweger, Conan O'Brien and many, many more. Even if they had eloped and deprived us of such a lucious list, we wish Reese and Jim a very happy life together. (Wedding bells also rang for Michael Bublé and Argentinian sitcom star Luisana Loreley Lopilato in Buenos Aires.)
Keep going, there's a lot of juicy stuff ahead...
TEEN MAMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT: Teen Mom 2's resident troublemaker, Jenelle Evans, was arrested—along with two others girls—for engaging in a somewhat one-sided fist fight that, like much of the rest of her life these days, was caught on camera. She claims Brittany Maggard, who's now in hot water from a previous assault case, set her up and then pocketed $45,000 for selling the tape to TMZ.
BALLROOM BLITZ: Hot but hopeless "Psycho" Mike Catherwood of Love Line "fame" was the first to be booted from Dancing With the Stars, which is back in top form after a Palinianated 11th season. Chris Jericho, Hines Ward and Romeo stole the spotlight this week, while E!'s own Kendra Wilkinson-Baskett has proved that she can smile through the pain and work tirelessly to feign being a lady. We hope she gets lots of ballroom time in, because her prospects for dancing at Hugh Hefner's wedding aren't looking too good. (In the meantime, Kirstie Alley has forgiven George Lopez for being a meanie.)
PDA: Carrie Ann Inaba wondered why Regis Philbin was all of a sudden setting the mood during her guest-hosting stint on Live With Regis & Kelly. Happily, it was so that her beau of two years, Jesse Sloan, could properly pop the question on TV before Jake Gyllenhaal spilled the beans entirely. Aw...
ALL THE E!TAILS: Khloé Kardashian shares her many qualms about little brother Rob's wandering eye...Carrie Underwood is nuts about hubby Mike Fisher. His UFC habit, not so much...The gals from The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills drop secrets about the coming season...Miranda Kerr is loving her bigger, motherhood-enhanced boobs.
SLIM PICKINGS: What's an underwear model without her curves? We hear that South African looker Candice Swanepoel could possibly lose her contract with Victoria's Secret if she doesn't put a little more meat on her increasingly visible bones.
SWEET TOOTH: Kids pick up the darndest things! Katie Holmes and Ellen DeGeneres laughed heartily—after the fact—about Suri trying to pop a handful of male-anatomy-shaped gummy candies at New York City's famed Serendipity. Although anyone throwing a bachelorette party within a hundred miles is now so excited.
LIKE A CIRCUS: Britney Spears' Femme Fatale tour will surely be one of the summer's hottest tickets. So if Enrique Iglesias is too busy to hold it against her, maybe Nicki Minaj will want a piece of the action.
BLOWING SMOKE: James Franco is blaming everyone but himself for his sober, yet still dazed-and-confused, showing as Oscar host, telling David Letterman that anyone would look stoned next to Anne Hathaway (who, to be fair, did have her manic moments that night) and that he tried to make the most of what was written. Couple that with the fact that he never had "great Oscar host" on his list of goals, and NYU can have him for now. He has also blown his chance to win some cool points back (see: John Mayer) on Twitter.
FOOLS GOLD: Nick Cannon blabbed about Mariah Carey being in labor because she really wasn't, and more April Fools tomfoolery straight from Ha-Ha-Hollywood...The real @REALBRADPITT wouldn't care if you follow him on Twitter or not.
CUSTODY DISPUTE: Denise Richards contends that Charlie Sheen's dogs are safer with her, while he calls her "a vile kidnapper and now dog thief."
TRAGIC ENDS: Model Eric Zentner, best known for his Versace and Louis Vuitton work, as well as his appearance in Katy Perry's "Hot N Cold" video, was struck and killed by a hit-and-run driver on California's US-101 interstate. The 30-year-old had been driving to visit family in Sacramento when his car ran out of gas near the central California town of Buellton and he was hit when he got out of the car. Police are investigating...BET host DJ Megatron, aka Corey McGriff, was shot and killed apparently while walking from his Staten Island home to a nearby store. No arrests have been made yet. He was 32.
SWAN FAKE?: All sorts of controversy has been kicked up over how much dancing Natalie Portman actually did for her Oscar-winning role in Black Swan. She had a double, but so most actors in movies that have any sort of action in them. Sure, Sarah Lance did a number of twists and turns in the guise of Natalie's Nina, but Fox Searchlight, fiancé Benjamin Millepied and Mila Kunis have spoken up in Natalie and her poor cracked rib's defense, saying "85 percent of the movie" is her and that she "danced her ass off." Sarah is speaking up on her own behalf, however.
ROYAL FAMILY: It turns out that real princes don't wear jewelry, including wedding rings...Prince Harry wouldn't say what went on during Prince William's bachelor party. (Wouldn't it be awesome if that's because none of them can remember what happened?!). He did, however, divulge that he won't go after his brother too hard during his portion of the traditional best man toast (apparently Wills has three blokes doing the honors) though he does anticipate the groom will lose a little more hair. That is, if William's hair hasn't gone all white from nerves beforehand...There is not one, but three parties planned after the royal nuptials on April 29, two at Buckingham Palace and an intimate shindig for 100 at an undisclosed location...Mmm, chocolate cake.
ROMANCE REPORT: Carrie Mulligan appears to be making music with Marcus Mumford of Mumford & Sons...Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth are exhibiting "back on" behavior...Enjoy your weekly "Robsten are fine" update.
ENGAGEMENT RING: Lily Allen wasn't planning on revealing her wedding date, but the British press neglected to heed her wishes...If Edward Norton is engaged, he's not telling. Which is fine, because Courtney Love is doing enough talking for everybody.
BABY BOOM: Kevin Federline and girlfriend Victoria Prince are expecting their first child together, K-Fed's fifth overall...Emily Deschanel and hubby David Homsby are expecting their first...Elizabeth Banks and hubby Max Handelman are proud first-time parents of son Felix...Presenting Rachel Zoe's latest accessory, Skyler Morrison Berman...Mariah Carey's decorated baby bump: Holiday classic or horror classic?
LAW & DISORDER: Lindsay Lohan avoids getting charged for her Betty Ford kerfuffle...George Clooney inexplicably found himself on the defense's witness list for Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi's sex trial...Keith Brown, father of the members of sister-and-brother singing group 5 Browns, gets 10 years to life in prison for sexually abusing three of his daughters...Brandi Glanville, the ex-Mrs. Eddie Cibrian, gets probation for drunk driving...Britney and Jamie Spears accused of making a rotten fragrance deal...David Boreanaz settles sexual harassment suit filed by a Bones extra...Willie Nelson will get fined for pot possession, whether or not he makes a command performance...A doctor, no less, was arrested for allegedly creeping on Shania Twain...Steve-O picked up on an old warrant in Canada.
FAREWELL: Farley Granger, star of Alfred Hitchcock's Rope and Strangers on a Train, died of natural causes at 85.
SCREEN PLAY: Amy Adams lands the coveted role of Lois Lane in the Superman reboot...Armie Hammer will play the charming prince in Snow White...Javier Bardem and Johnny Depp flank Penélope Cruz as she gets her star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame...Leonardo DiCaprio is getting $5 million to star in a Chinese cell phone commercial...Breaking Dawn producers lament leaked honeymoon pics... Here's a little somethin' about Bond 23...Jackie Chan is great and completely alive...Will Leonard Nimoy bring much-needed logic to Transformers: Dark of the Moon?...Russell Brand's bunny in Hop poops jelly beans! What more do you want?!...Angelina Jolie will probably be the next Cleopatra...First look at the new Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 poster...Garrett Hedlund braves Tron: Legacy...More Jim Carrey to love in I Love You Phillip Morris...Pixar's Brave looks beautiful...The boys hit Bangkok harder than most in The Hangover Part II...Orlando Bloom swashbuckles in The Three Musketeers...Owen Wilson finds himself at Midnight in Paris...Source Code vs. Hop.
TV LAND: Get all the scoop on American Idol's double elimination (and James Durbin's Pepsi slip-up)...Richard Blais triumphed on Top Chef: All-Stars...There are two, possibly three, seasons of Mad Men to look forward to...The Good Wife, DeGrassi and Justified are among the estimable programming that scored Peabody Awards...Jennifer Aniston will direct one of Lifetime's Project 5 short films to raise breast cancer awareness...Chuck Lorre is to vanity cards what Charlie Sheen is to Twitter...Italy is over having the Jersey Shore on its shores...Barefoot Contessa chef Ina Garten realizes there's no time like the present to meet a 6-year-old cancer patient...Lea Michele is fine after a fender-bender...Robin Roberts' interview with Demi Lovato went exponentially better than her sit-down with Chris Brown...Here's our dissection of the Grey's Anatomy musical episode...The Simpsons' nuclear-plant jokes are too hot to handle right now in some countries...Malcolm McDowell will bring his signature brand of creepy to Psych's sixth-season premiere...Judge Judy says she's doing fine and will be back on set as scheduled after a hospital overnighter...No commercials for adultery-enabling site Ashley Madison will be shown during The Kennedys when it finally debuts on Reelz Channel...As if you couldn't see it coming, Law & Order: Criminal Intent is planning to rip Charlie Sheen from the headlines...SPOILER ZONE!
MUSICAL NOTES: Chris Brown's F.A.M.E. topped the album sales chart in the wake of his GMA appearance...Miley Cyrus apparently doesn't approve of using YouTube to seek your fortune, the way Rebecca Black and Justin Bieber did...Katy Perry and Kanye West are a match made in outerspace heaven in the "E.T." video...Beyoncé is no longer managed by her dad...Aw, check out what the cover of the Glee-approved first album from The Warblers will look like...Matthew Morrison is headed out on a solo tour this summer...Billy Joel pulls the plug on his completed memoir...The NBA is investigating New Jersey Nets co-owner Jay-Z's visit to the University of Kentucky basketball team's locker room at Newark's Prudential Center after they made it into the Final Four of the NCAA Tournament...Warren G, Snoop Dogg, the Game and more paid their respects to Nate Dogg at the rapper's funeral in Long Beach.
SURREAL ESTATE: Ben Stiller and Christine Taylor have relocated to New York, leaving an $11.5 million Hollywood Hills compound behind.
COVERAGE: Rihanna is in no rush to talk to Chris Brown. She tells Rolling Stone she can wait forever if need be...Robert Pattinson admits—in Italian Vanity Fair of all places!—that he's not a "casual affair" kind of guy...Angelina Jolie has been drawn and her face has been quartered...Jesse James says he'll tell all in American Outlaw.
SEEN: Tom Cruise escorting his wife to Reelz Channel's premiere party for The Kennedys in Beverly Hills...Lindsay Lohan going bump in the night in NYC, a result of klutziness and not having too much (or anything at all) to drink...Adam Lambert getting sloppy, but supposedly not getting bounced, from Lady Gaga's birthday party in L.A....Ashlee Simpson, Pete Wentz and son Bronx grabbing Starbucks (but not each other) while on a mall excursion in L.A....Paris Hilton, Nicky Hilton and (at a different table) Ashley Olsen coming out for a good cause at the Beverly Hilton for An Evening to Support the People of Japan, after which the Hilton sisters headed to Trousdale for Snoop Dogg's album party...Hilary Duff sporting blond-again locks at the Soul Surfer premiere...Zac Efron cozying up to a mystery blonde during a night at the Roxbury...Courteney Cox taking a dip in St. Barts with Cougar Town costar Josh Hopkins...Fergie, Josh Duhamel, Diana Agron and the Hilton sisters braving the rain in L.A. for the American Red Cross Youth Run for Japan.