That's all I can say after watching tonight's second season premiere of The Vampire Diaries (thanks to my trusty time-travel machine).
Don't worry, no big spoilers here (promise), but there are a few things I absolutely must tell you about tonight's awesome return episode:
Even if you've never seen it before, tonight's TVD premiere will make you realize how sorely TV has been sucking this entire summer season.
If you happen to be a showrunner for another series (especially a new fall contender), I highly encourage you to check out tonight's TVD (and the May season-one finale, if you haven't yet) to see just how many jaw-dropping plot twists you can successfully execute in a single episode. Bosses Kevin Williamson and Julie Plec manage to throw in more cliffhangers and plot development in one hour of television than some other series do all season long. And guess what? It works.
Now, for you diehard fans, a taste of what is in store:
The first five minutes alone will have you gasping. It picks up exactly where we left off—with a certain someone giving someone else a five-finger discount.
I honestly can''t count the number of surprises I did not see coming...There are that many.
Whether you like it or not, you diehard Damon (Ian Somerhalder) fans are gonna be more drawn to Stefan (Paul Wesley) than ever. Let's just say he's not taking kindly to any threats to his precious Elena (of the kissing kind or otherwise), and you'll see him protect her in a way that is both ridonkulously hot and notably Damon-esque. (Paul Wesley, you are so owning the role of "Ste-fuh" in this episode, my friend. Kudos.)
Nina Dobrev knocks it out of the park as Katherine, giving the role just the right amount of edge, while not overdoing it, and as a testament to her acting ability: I want to punch Katherine in the face. Yay!
If you're trying to figure out who's who tonight, here is your guide to Katherine versus Elena: The bigger the hair, the tighter the pants, the closer to evil.
Ian Somerhalder is fantastic as always, and you'll spend much of the episode debating whether you want to kiss him or kick him in the teeth.
A certain diehard fan faction who loves a certain coupling will be weeping after tonight's episode, and I welcome you to our comments section or my Twitter (@kristindsantos) for a little post-mordem group therapy.
The upside? The heartbreak in tonight's episode sets up what is looking like a fantastic season two. Dare I say possibly even better than season one? Too early to tell, but in case this entire love-letter post didn't give it away, I'm feelin' it.
I don't suppose anyone else is excited about The Vampire Diaries tonight? Yeah, probably not. But on the off chance you are, feel free to holler in the comments below.
Check out these video interviews with your TVD faves, if you missed 'em—where the "Stef-uh!" reference is first made.