It may just be quicker at this point to whip out a ruler and be done with it.
Following news over the weekend that Jean would be appealing his disqualification from running for office, Penn (presumably after three days spent with a roomful of cotton balls and some industrial-strength makeup remover) has emerged, keyboard in hand and indignation intact, to once again offer up a, um, friendly critique.
We'll give him one thing: Penn certainly knows how to come in strong, as he couldn't even get past the first sentence of his blog for the Huffington Post without calling Jean's decision to continue a "regrettable turn-about."
But his insults weren't strictly limited to Jean, instead Penn came out guns blazing against the singer's PR team, spearheaded by Marian Salzman, who also put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard) recently for HuffPo.
"She reduced the political dialogue that took place that day by calling the discussion a 'celebrity feud,'" he said of her characterization of his Jean-challenging CNN interview.
"In fact, a sensationalized celebrity feud is and was as far from my mind as the alleged 'lambasting.' Though he and his camp came back with many disparaging comments in my direction, I felt that ignoring my initial impulse to react and respond allowed the attention to refocus on the real issues facing Haitians."
Penn apparently feels the real issues have now gotten their fair share of focus as he seems perfectly content to bring the political dialogue back around to what really matters—him and Wyclef.
"I have never met Wyclef Jean, and all I really know of him on any personal level has come through the fond comments of a few mutual friends. Hence, nothing I might say, was in ANY way personal, or intended to be lambasting anyone. My comments were critical observations of a political candidate and a leader of an organization in Haiti."
So hang in there, Wyclef, your invitation to Penn's Labor Day barbecue could still be in the mail. That is, if he figures out how to address it.
Penn also took particular issue, once again, with Jean's apparent resurfacing in Haiti only as the six-month anniversary of the earthquake approached, a date he said "triggered the return of the world media, and of Wyclef Jean to Haiti."
"He'd referred to himself as 'His Excellency Wyclef Jean' and 'The most famous man in Haiti' on a self-generated flier in the lead up to his troubling announcement."
An announcement, Penn noted, that was preceded by a "universal sadness" over his temporary disappearance from the nation.
The Oscar winner also took time out to rebut claims made by Jean against him on The Gayle King Show, on which the singer stated, "I do not have to live inside of a tent to prove that I am for the Haitian people."
"No, he doesn't have to live in a tent. But it would be nice if he visited once and awhile…Unlike him, I travel without the benefit of a security corps. I have traveled alone in the Iraqi war zone, and security had not ever been a deciding factor in any such humanitarian or journalistic action for me."
And just in case there was any lingering doubt as to Penn's position, well—the man closes as strongly as he opens.
"Yes I still support those Haitians who believe in him. But, I recommend that Mr. Jean and his advisers keep their future musings on more important topics than discrediting someone involved with a really good NGO. The real and devastating human issues in Haiti must be handled and led by a qualified president's deft hand. These elections are crucial, and I have no part in them. Neither should Mr. Jean."
Enough of these posers. Check out who else in Hollywood has gotten political.