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    Bitch-Back! Are Disney Romances for Realsies?

    Vanessa Hudgens, Zac Efron Kevin Winter/Getty Images

    Dear Ted:
    Are all the Disney relationships (not counting Zanessa of course) just PR stunts? They only ever last a maximum of three months and all seem to be more of a predictable fauxmance finished with a cheesy, sad breakup song.
    —G

    Dear Disneymance:
    You're just catching on to this now? I can't say that they're all PR stunts, but imagine your parents (in this case, your agents and publicists) forcing you to have a playdate with the kid with no friends down the block (in this case, that girl you can't stand from that multimillion dollar show that took your times lot).

    Dear Ted:
    My question is about a Vice we haven't heard about in a while: Julie Bone-Jumper. You said it was on the New Moon set where she was tempted by her muscled costar. Did the temptation continue on the Eclipse set?
    —Vice Lover

    Dear Keeping Up With the Bone-Jumpers:
    A temptation that hot doesn't just extinguish itself when the movie's over. Julie's still harboring that heat in her loins, trust.

    Dear Ted:
    Will you please tell me if Claire Danes is as nice as she appears? She is so talented and seems very down-to-earth. Does that vibe translate behind closed doors, or is she faking it?
    —Little Nikki in Texas

    Dear Save the Last Danes:
    Claire bear's always been something of a closed book. But overall, mostly good things to say. Mostly.

    Dear Ted:
    Have you ever confirmed that someone has been a B.V. when they haven't actually been one?
    —Chaz

    Dear Blindness:
    Nope. As awful as you think I am, I ain't that bad, sweets.

    Dear Ted:
    Please tell me you're not falling for the "I'm so original" act Lady Gaga is pulling? I'm getting sick of her being the topic of conversation with every artist out there now. It seems like you can't read an interview with a singer without Gaga being brought up. She's been around for what, two years? I'm sorry but, been there, done that, seen it all before. She's talented, but I wish she'd actually show it sometime!
    —Sick of Gaga

    Dear Gag Me:
    Everyone here seems to love Gaga, but I agree—the girl still has to (for posterity's sake) prove herself, as surprising as that may sound. She's a momentary phenomenon, but I'm interested in her staying power. If she's still being talked about years down the line, then I'll buy into it.

    Dear Ted:
    Moisty Mohr
    has to be Woody Allen (especially in the looks and fame department), right?
    —J

    Dear Morning Woody:
    Nope. Moisty's not nearly as neurotic and doesn't look like you want to punch him in the face.

    Dear Ted:
    I've followed your column for many years. Have you ever thought about writing a screenplay? A novel? You must have collected enough craziness through the years to at least write a miniseries for television. What about it? You have a big fan base which would become ready-made viewers.
    —Weaver

    Dear Naughty Things Coming:
    My agent put you up to this letter, didn't she?

    Dear Ted:
    It just hit me, everyone has been talking about the resemblance between Megan Fox and Angelina Jolie, but to me, the only actress that comes close to resembling the Big Badassness of Ange is Evan Rachel Wood. Am I mistaken, or is that girl capable of more destruction and dysfunction than St. Angie ever would?
    —B

    Dear 7 Minutes in Evan:
    Disagree. Yes, ERW's a little crazy (you've got to be to date Marilyn Manson), but the 22 year old is not as reckless as Angie. Although she is damn destructive on True Blood this season, no?

    Dear Ted:
    Does Rachel Bilson even do anything anymore?
    —Bitter

    Dear Bilson Bitch:
    She's got quite the pivotal role on How I Met Your Mother. Did you forget? Or are you too busy wishing that you were the one who got to jump Hayden Christensen's bones?

    Dear Ted:
    Like you, I'm a huge Robsten fan, so now that judgment day came upon us, I'm curious: No "I told you so"? No happy dance? Your post seemed pretty mellow and off. I'm all for their privacy (really), so is this 'tude courtesy of your legal team? Or is it simply that the chase, and thus your interest, is officially over? Please say it isn't so. Can't wait to see Tay-Tay try to top this.
    —Mary Jane

    Dear Celeb Celebration:
    There will be plenty to talk about with these two as they take more steps toward becoming publicly official. And I told the Robsten nonbelievers to suck it. I'm pretty sure that counts as an "I told you so."

    Dear Ted:
    I have to admit, I'm going through a James Franco obsession right now. He seems just flat-out crazy. So crazy it's really hot. What's your take on him? Is he for real, or just really good at effing with everyone, including the media? Pretentious moron or ahead of his time?
    —In Need of a Cold Shower

    Dear Hot and Bothered:
    Can't it be just a little bit of both?

    Dear Ted:
    What do you mean Lea Michele and Cory Monteith aren't on the same level of anything? I think they are so cute.
    —Sunshine

    Dear Mis-match:
    Miss Lea seems way more mature and relationship-ready than goofy Cory, even though he's older. But maybe that's just Cory's good-boy image juxtaposed with Lea's little starlet one. The dude is so down-to-earth that it's hard to pry him from the surface.

    Dear Ted:
    Seems everybody loves the Glee goss!  Does this mean we'll be getting another Glee B.V. soon?
    —S

    Dear Gleek Vice:
    I think I can manage that. I'll keep an eye out and an ear open...

    Dear Ted:
    Regarding Lindsay Lohan and her parents, can't her manager and her agent (or talent agency) rein them in and put a muzzle on both of them? There has to be at least one sane person who is looking out (albeit professionally) for her.
    —TJ

    Dear Lo-handlers:
    You would think that, right? But it appears that nobody close to the diva (or her family of diva drones) has the balls to take the initiative. Sounds very Michael Jackson-esque...

    Dear Ted:
    My husband and I had a Quentin Tarantino movie marathon and noticed that just about every movie he's done has at least one scene devoted to a lady's feet. So taking for granted a foot fetish, we were wondering if there are any others out there so blatant with their, um...interests. I'm thinking a top five, maybe?
    —Foot

    Dear Fruit by the Foot:
    Sounds like a great idea, puss! Does Tyler Perry's fetish for himself count?

    Dear Ted:
    So, Toothy Tile and Crotch Uh-Lastic. My two favorite gays. Ever bumped uglies or had the same beard?
    —Poopsie

    Dear Beard and Weird:
    What a pretty pic, but no. And Crotch doesn't do the beard thing, remember.

    Follow @theawfultruth on Twittah!

    _______

    Check out more of Ted's mail bag here!

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