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    Bitch-Back! Blake and Kristen Fight for Vogue!

    Kristen Stewart, Blake Lively Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com; Jamie McCarthy/WireImage.com

    Dear Ted:
    Did Kristen Stewart really get replaced in the June cover of Vogue with Blake Lively just because she wouldn't talk about her personal life on the interview? Or was there some other reason we don't know about?
    —Team Kristen

    Dear Cover Stealer:
    No need to start a Kristen vs. Blake war, K.S. was never supposed to be on the cover. Silly rumor, really. K.Stew is on the cover of ElleAnna Wintour would never double-book a girl. She's far too elite for that.

    Dear Ted:
    What's your opinion on Megan Fox? Do you think Transformers 3 will be better or worse without her? I find her slightly annoying and, though I know not to expect much from the movie, I'm pleased she's a goner. Your column is my favorite read of the day!
    —PL

    Dear Fox Hunting:
    Sure, M.F. says some really bizarro stuff (and sometimes I totally don't agree with her approach to the Industry) but the babe knows how to stay interesting, and I can't hate her for that. As for Transformers, the movie is supposed to be about hot babes, explosions, and robots, no? Well, lose Megan and you're losing one of the hottest gals around—and free publicity, no doubt. Who else can make headlines like Megan?

    Dear Ted:
    Has anyone emailed you the right guess for Moisty Mohr yet? So far, you've eliminated most late-night TV hosts, but is it possible for M.M. to be a news reporter or a cartoonist? For news reporter, I can picture our silver fox Anderson Cooper. If you consider Stephen Colbert more attractive than M.M., OMG. If I'm going down the wrong road please tip me in the right direction!
    —Li

    Dear Mistaken Identity:
    No correct guesses for M2—this dude must keep his identity really hidden, huh? Well at least from the babes he's not banging in dressing rooms. As for Andy Cooper, he is way way way too good looking to be Moisty. Seriously, think very minimal attractiveness—unless you consider his money.

    Dear Ted:
    Ok are the courts really going to believe that Lindsay Lohan lost her passport? I mean, come on. I used to feel sorry for her. I really hope she does get the 6 months jail time that the D.A. is talking about. Does she think she is above the law? Because if a normal person was in her shoes they would already be doing jail time. She needs a reality check big time.
    —Aimee

    Dear Liva La Vida Lohan:
    Of course she thinks she's above the law because that's how she's been treated—so far. How many DUIs does this chick have? Add that to cocaine possession, alleged theft, and a whole heap of charges that she hasn't done time for and obviously she's going to think she's untouchable. That has finally changed.

    Dear Ted:
    Just saw an interesting article. Do you think female celebs who cheat on their significant others get a break? Judging by the list of "cheaters"—JLo, Jennifer Garner, Anne Heche (serial cheater apparently!)—none of these women were taken to task the way some men have been. Granted, the men who get the hardest time in the press had multiple affairs with "interesting" people, but overall it seems like this is the one area women get a break and men don't.
    —Jas

    Dear Gal Cop:
    Words right out of my bitchy mouth.

    Dear Ted:
    Say it ain't so! In your last Bitch-Back you said that there's a diva on the Vampire Diaries set. I absolutely adore this show, and it's disappointing to see that one of these kids has gotten a big head already. Any more details you can tell us? By the way, a few months ago I rescued an adorable kitty (malnourished, with fleas to boot) who now sleeps with me every night. Love you!
    —JB

    Dear Diva Alert:
    Here's an example for you: at a recent H'wood shindig celebrating upcomers, this Vamp star was such a pain in the ass about getting his/her picture taken that the photogs eventually just said forget it—when in reality, this babe should have been thanking anyone willing to take their picture.

    Dear Ted:
    Ryan Gosling
    and Michelle Williams look so adorable together in Cannes, even holding hands. I think McGosling fans would approve of this pairing. So, Ted, what's the deal? Why aren't these two an item?
    —Sal

    Dear Cupid:
    Give it time.

    Dear Ted:
    What is Bradley Cooper's Blind Vice? He seems like such a nice person! I can't imagine him having a beard or doing something relating to drugs! I have a friend with a professor who went to school with him and he said that Brad was a great person! Does his Vice have anything to do with that stick he's dating?
    —Doli

    Dear Denial:
    Think again, babe. Bradley's very good (or not so good, actually, depending on who you're chatting with) at hiding his secret—which is devilishly sexy, just like him!

    Dear Ted:
    Since a lot of letters are being printed regarding fauxmances and beards, may I ask if there are serial beards? Go-to starlets that handlers can "hire" with publicity and roles to date gay actors who need cover. If so, are they usually gay too or just flexible. Thanks.
    —S

    Dear Beard For Life:
    Once a beard, always a beard. At least that's what I like to say. Sure, there are definitely a few chicks in T-town who have had multiple set ups with DL dudes. Keeps their names in the papers too, win-win?

    Dear Ted:
    I think I've cracked the case. And now I feel like an idiot because it was so obvious. Nevis Divine is Jonathan Rhys Meyers. If you don't post this, I'll know I'm right. Love you Ted. Take care.
    —Bubble

    Dear Detective Divine:
    Hate to break it to you, Sherlock, but you haven't quite solved this crafty case. Now would be the absolute worst timing for Nev to need a rehab stint—unlike JRM.

    Dear Ted:
    In your gossiping wisdom, what is keeping Me-Me Dallas and Tobey Yum Yum apart? I think they make a (well, sweet may not be the word?) fun couple and I can't wait until they're back in B.V. land together again.
    —IB

    Dear Stupid Cupid:
    Me-Me is obviously too much for Tobey to handle, as manly as he may think he is.

    Dear Ted:
    I find it really interesting that just like Jared Padalecki and his new wife Genevieve Cortese, Jensen Ackles and his new wife Danneel Harris chose not to have a honeymoon. What is it about these Supernatural boys that has them too busy to spend time with their wives? Are there any other things these two marriages have in common? Cheers!
    —Radha

    Dear Workaholics:
    It's all about the business, babe. Got to sell themselves if they want to keep the fame, right?

    Dear Ted:
    Okay, with all the Buffy cast troubles over the past few weeks I found myself wondering: How many of the cast (people who had their name appear in the opening credits) became Blind Vices? Were there any out of the group that never even came close to having one?
    —Cali

    Dear Vamp Vices:
    The most famous are obvious Sarah Michelle Gellar and David Boreanaz, so don't fret. Buffy definitely has fewer BVs than Twilight—but those horny kids could out-Vice any franchise!

    Dear Ted:
    I have a twofer for you. Do you think that these more comfortable relaxed sit-down interviews (Oprah and USA Today) that Robsten appears to be doing lately is an indicator that they will at some point fess up to being a couple (not that we really need confirmation). There are some of us in the fandom that believe that Robsten are engaged and/or married. Penny for your thoughts on that subject.
    —A
     

    Dear Honestly:
    Do you really think Rob and Kristen could have tied the not and no one found out? They're not that sneaky.

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