First thing's first, Twi-hards: It's Robert Pattinson's birthday! And while the federal government has, for some reason, failed to declare it a national holiday, Oprah Winfrey has picked up the slack, kicking off this day of tween jubilation by devoting an entire hour to R.Pattz, Kristen Stewart, Taylor Lautner and Dakota Fanning.
And, you know, this little thing called The Twilight Saga: Eclipse. Perhaps you've heard of it?
But movie news is taking a massive backseat to the personal beans that were spilled up on Oprah's stage today. You've wanted it, we've wanted it. Their publicists didn't want it, but really, who cares about them?
Without further ado, straight from the mouths of the babes themselves, is official word on the state of Robsten:
Obviously, we need to start by giving massive props to Oprah, who broached the sensitive topic with all the grace of a vampire devouring its prey, asking the duo, "You know there's all these rumors about the two of you dating, is it true?"
The ever-shy K.Stew was graciously given a free pass from answering the question, but Pattinson wasted no time in jumping in to answer the query. Ready, fans? Nevermind, silly question:
"Kristen's pregnant," Rob said. OK, people, breathe...
"He likes to, he really loves to shock people. He thinks it's funny," Kristen jumped in, before getting a bit more into the spirit of things.
"No, no, no, he's having the baby…Imagine the baby coming out of this thing. It's not going to happen."
Neither is a definitive answer about their relationship, but really, is anyone doubting that anymore?
Meanwhile, much was made of Kristen's shyness during the interview, with Mama Oprah even giving Stewart a hug so as to make her feel more comfortable. And while we already know that Kristen isn't a fan of being labeled "awkward," this morning she explained where her hesitance comes from.
"I get so nervous," she said, addressing the Twilight fans. "This means a lot to you guys, and it's the same deal for me. I understand that your words have weight and I mince them when I know that everybody's waiting for them, you know what I mean?
"Most people's favorite book is not a part of their lives," she said, adding that she knows full well Twilight is the exception to the rule.
"I feel like I've brought more of myself to Bella than any other character. I can also completely relate to the fact that she's totally awkward, but that she owns it and she's not going to say anything she doesn't mean."
Like that her boyfriend is pregnant? Kidding. But speaking of…
While Twi-hards didn't need any magazines to tell them that Rob is both beautiful and important, last month they did just that, with him making the cut for both People's Most Beautiful issue and Time's Most Influential People in the World list.
So which accolade means the most to him?
"Oh, definitely beautiful," he joked. "It's crazy. It just seems completely ridiculous. Three years ago I wouldn't be able to influence my dog to walk.
"I was above Obama…I have to agree with that. I totally agree," he laughed. "It's completely insane."
Of course, it wasn't all about Robert and Kristen (who also disclosed that she is "obsessed" and has "a very Edward and Bella relationship [her] my cat": "I'm very codependent"). It was also about Dakota, Taylor and Taylor's well-documented love of beef patties.
While he already disclosed that he's looking for a loyal and honest girl, he's apparently also looking for one with lots of room on her TiVo.
"I'm bored on Saturdays," he said, revealing that he doesn't go out but prefers instead to stay in and watch American Idol and Celebrity Apprentice. And that squeaky-clean image of his? That's one reputation that he's most definitely earned. Uh, unless you listen to Rob.
Lautner admitted that reports of him never having tried cigarettes or so much as touched alcohol were 100 percent true.
"It's just the way I was raised by my parents and my family," he said. Good thing, since he's all of 18.
Oh, and while he's adding to his list of desirable qualities in a woman, go ahead and add sense of humor.
"I don't find myself very funny," he said, to which Oprah told him, "You'd know if you were funny or not."
"Then I guess I'm not very funny. So she'd better be funny."
As for Dakota, she chatted about how close she's gotten to Stewart, thanks to their frequent costarring roles.
"I've gotten to know her very well, especially doing The Runaways. She's become one of my best friends."
K.Stew agreed, saying, "I'm 20, Dakota's 16, and I've always had friends that are older than me…and I call her for advice."
But the Fanning family isn't completely immune from getting starstruck at some of her fellow castmates. Dakota said that her 12-year-old sister is such a fan of R.Pattz that she named a robot she was making for a school project "Rob-ot Pattinson."
And wouldn't you know it, even that deep shade of red that took over his face suited Rob. Sometimes there's just not enough hours (to swoon) in the day.
Get more Twilighty goodness with a look through our Total Eclipse gallery!