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Bravo to Joan Rivers for having some pretty thick skin, because the comedians at her Comedy Central roast last night did not hold back—at all!
While we're no prudes around here, even we were shocked by some—if not all—of the raunchy and offensive zingers. The roasters targeted Rivers' age, her plastic surgery, her nether regions and even the suicide of her late husband, Edgar Rosenberg.
That said, we—like the rest of the audience—were practically doubled over in laughter during most of the almost three-hour event. The humor was absolutely filthy, but completely hilarious.
We have some of the jokes after the jump. But we warn you—especially the easily offended and more innocent of our readers—the material is for mature audiences only…
The evening's emcee Kathy Griffin provided one of many jokes about Rivers sharing the same dermatologist with Michael Jackson. "Unfortunately," Griffin said to Rivers, who sat in a chair in the center of the stage, "he only killed your face."
Comedian Greg Giraldo quipped about Rivers going under the knife, "You used to look your age, but now you don't even look like your species."
Former Everybody Loves Raymond star Brad Garrett added, "Your face has been lifted more times than Bristol Palin's prom dress."
Funnyman and former Dancing With the Stars contestant Jeffrey Ross targeted Rivers' age. "If you Google her," he said of the 76-year-old comedienne, " you can find her on Craigs and Schindler's List."
Tom Arnold cracked on Rivers' late husband, who took his own life 22 years ago. "Joan can be a bit of a perfectionist," Arnold said. "When she read her husband's suicide note, she sent it back for a rewrite."
He continued, "Say what you want about Joan Rivers, but she's an icon and a real diva, which by the way is what they call a c--t when she's still sitting in the room."
Even buttoned-up Donald Trump got in on the raunchy. In a videotaped message, the Apprentice boss said he was happy to announce his most ambitious project: "The Joan Rivers Facial and Body Renovation."
"I promise you that no expense will be spared in your reconstruction," The Donald said. "We'll tent you, fumigate you and, if necessary, send in a Hazmat team to remove all the hazardous material in that toxic pool you call...a vagina!"
And get this—Rivers' own daughter, Melissa, took some shots at her. The younger Rivers recalled asking her mother about sex: "I remember so clearly that when I asked her what's a blowjob that she said without hesitation, '50 bucks, two dinners and a watch.' "
Don't worry, Joanie had her say when she stepped up to the podium. One example? She said roaster Gilbert Gottfried made her so ashamed to be Jewish that was "going to go to Malibu and give Mel Gibson a blowjob!"
Oh, there's so much more, but I think we've gone far enough.
But you can check it out for yourself when an edited and bleep-filled cut of the laughfest airs on Comedy Central on Aug. 9. An unedited version will likely run at a later date in, no surprise, the middle of the night.
Want some more laughs? Make sure to check out The Soup and Chelsea Lately blogs.