Reese Witherspoon is an effin' fraud! Women and children are dying everyday to domestic violence, and this clown claims that she is an advocate, but she refuses (according to what I read in your column only) to take a stand about Chris Brown and Rihanna? She had a perfect opportunity to speak out and encourage both of them to seek help and make a positive statement.
—Miss P., Boston
Dear Public Defender:
Totally think it could have been a good opportunity, too, but then again, R doesn't know them. But there could have been a way to discuss more about domestic abuse and just not mention these two.
I love your column. I've been reading it for years, and I feel like you're an "old friend." My question pertains to the whole Brangelina trainwreck-in-waiting. I know you think Angie's bound to get bored eventually (as do I). When this happens, do you think poor duped Brad will run back to Jen? Would she even take him back if he did?
—Haley, Hollidaysburg, Pa.
Dear Daters Remorse:
I don't see Brad running back into Jen's arms. George's, maybe.
Why haven't you written about Robert Pattinson's secret Asian-Swedish writer girlfriend (Frances Anikolai but sometimes goes by Anika) who lives in London? Everyone already knows about her, so it's pointless for him to continue to lie about it. He might as well come clean.
Dear Playa Patt:
Maybe Rob actually tries to keep his private life private. It's kind of refreshing.
Just want to say that I have been a fan of your's forever, so long that if I said it would definitely date me back to when Lincoln was a boy. Anyway, just a comment about Rachael Ray. She was the grand marshal of a parade in Indiana a couple of years ago, and boy did she look like a pissy bitch. Granted, we were at the end of the parade route, but she could have at least pretended a few more feet until she was out of eyesight. I thought then that she sure has the public fooled.
Dear Failed Taste Test:
Who the ef would make her a grand marshal in the first place? You have no idea the horror stories I have on this woman.
I'd play in traffic with you any day, any time. Love ya lots.
Dear Hit or Miss:
Glad to have ya, thanks much, doll.
It's not that I'm dying to know who Nevis Divine is, what's killing me is the silence on your part as to who he is not. And in some odd and inexplicably psychotic way, I very badly want to protect Robert Pattinson's good name. So I'm asking again: Is Nevis Kevin Connolly? I was already embarrassed finding myself emailing the first time...must I do it again?
Like I said, One No-Shame Same-Sex is the wrong Vice for Kev. Feel free to try again, babe!
Your offer to publish the letter sent to you by email from Rachael Ray's rep is like manna from heaven for those millions of us who can't stomach Rachael. I've never been able to buy into her act, even on the Food Network. Since Ray's move to her own show, she has become even more insufferable. By all means, please publish that email! I've always wondered what her handlers are like. Keep up the good work, Ted. There is something interesting and/or revealing every day.
—Anne, San Francisco
Dear Ralphing Ray:
You'll get a very good peek at it in this weeks Truth, Lies, & Ted.
OK, I get it. Your lawyers won't let you respond to me. Can you just tell me if Toothy Tile's last name starts with an A?