FameFlynetUK/FAMEFLYNET PICTURESAt first it seemed pretty exciting, or a hoot, or whatever, Tom Hiddleston swooping in to romance the newly single Taylor Swift.
Of course his suavity was admired—he was being groomed to be the next James Bond after all, his slick role in The Night Manager serving as a convincing audition for the role of the storied secret agent. And how about that badass, devil-may-care timing, Hiddleston obviously not giving a flying fig that Swift had just gotten out of a most serious-seeming relationship.
But when they moved the party from Rhode Island to Nashville, and Swift's parents got involved…the Internet started to get concerned.
Most of the armchair analysis has been about what Taylor's end game is, with theories ranging from extended music video shoot to classic proverbial bird-flipping. There is also the usual chatter about whether it's sexist to critique her dating life more than others (yeah, probably), whether she deserves all the scrutiny (no one does), or whether she's gonna have to face it, she's addicted to love (Robert Palmer, 1986).
However, in some circles, this has never been about her. It's been all about him.
No one much likes the idea of Tom Hiddleston, one of the Internet's most beloved boyfriends, doing something as clichéd as dating not only some pop star, but the pop star. Sure, he's in Marvel movies, but she's…
Taylor Swift, the picture of what everything is supposed to look like once we get all our s--t together, insert #goal here.
Feathers were first ruffled in May, when all of a sudden Hiddleston—he of Loki, Henry V and a really stellar stable of celebrity impressions—was dancing with Taylor at the 2016 Met Gala, already a taboo couple when held to the strict boundaries that govern whom the Internet considers suitable for its favorites to interact with.
But that moment passed, with no one making too much of it because, after all, Swift had a boyfriend.
No one knew just yet that her relationship with Calvin Harris was entering its final weeks and even the memory of their halcyon early days would soon be swallowed up by the force that has become Hiddleswift. Never has the Twitterverse's brow furrowed so intensely.
It's not as if Tom was delivered to us in shrink-wrap. He dated Wallander co-star Susannah Fields for several years before they broke up in 2011. Which also happens to be the year Thor came out, upon which Hiddleston—whose scene-stealing mannerisms out-muscled Chris Hemsworth's hammer for our hearts—unwittingly entered into a committed relationship with the Internet.
He's been linked to various ladies since, mainly co-stars because that's the most convenient option. No one had to do much dot-connecting to put him and Crimson Peak sister Jessica Chastain in the same place at the same time, or figure that he and I Saw the Light wife Elizabeth Olsen had taken their chemistry off-camera.
And those ladies were hardly alone. But even when those rumors were swirling, Hiddleston kept his legions of virtual lovers satisfied with his lack of public significant other, as well as comments about being so devoted to his work, no one had to worry about him running off with some girl anytime soon.
Well, he more or less said that. We paraphrase.
"Thor: The Dark World came out at the end of 2013 and then I didn't really show my face in public for about 18 months. I just worked. I disappeared down the rabbit hole of making stuff, and that was actually the most satisfying experience because I made a whole bunch of films," Tom told a British journalist in May while promoting I Saw the Light, for which he even did his own singing to play tragic country-music star Hank Williams.
Sigh. It's always so nice to know where your Internet boyfriend is at all times.
And while he was down the rabbit hole, we had Oscar Isaac, who after Benedict Cumberbatch abdicated the throne was anointed the Internet's main man.
"The Internet never struck me as being into monogamous relationships," Isaac, who also has a real-life girlfriend that doesn't seem to bother anybody, shared a laugh with Rolling Stone in May. "It's very promiscuous, the Internet."
Promiscuous, yes. Fickle, most definitely. But also fiercely, scarily devoted at the same time, a level of devotion that can only be bred among strangers when dealing with celebrities they've invested in from the beginning (and if not the beginning, then surely they went back post-breakout role and binged on every previous morsel of screen time).
And when that devotion is tested, or worse yet, treated like the completely meaningless nonentity that it is… What a bummer.
The interjection of the other woman (aka reality) may be inevitable and just nature taking its course, but that doesn't make the breakup itself any easier. Twitter collectively wept when Benedict chose fatherhood and marriage over his 'Bitches, though the hilarity of the situation wasn't lost on the Internet—or Cumberbatch himself—either.
"I think people who know me, and see me enjoying some of the aspects of this attention being paid to me, know I do take it with a sense of humor," he said in December 2014 shortly after his engagement was announced. "I don't take myself too seriously.
There will always be pure haters (someone once said, "haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate"), as well as pure-hearted enthusiasts who selflessly champion every inkling of love. And then there are certain Internet obsessions that tend to be the purview of a highbrow group of loons, those who crush and tweet like schoolgirls but over guys who play Sherlock, do Shakespeare, charm with a glance, brood just so and then, if they must, marry theater directors or documentarians. Those are the ones that get the full-on, postdoctoral dissection, albeit while tongues are firmly planted in cheeks.
So most people at least are in on the absurdity of the situation, well aware that they're making much ado about nothing. Hey, it's as perfectly good a topic of milling-around-before-yoga conversation as any.
That seems to be the case with Tom as well, at least as far as hyper-awareness is concerned, but still…
The Internet is taking this one hard. And that must have to do with Hiddleston's choice of partner and the fact that he's along for some sort of ride, romantic or otherwise, none of them befitting a man of his quirky-crush stature. He hung out with the squad, for Pete's sake!
There's the possibility that he's head over heels, so there's the question of why her, why this average (though wildly successful, beautiful and obviously smart) A-lister? What do they have in common?
If they are indeed boyfriend and girlfriend after less than a month (plus whatever communication they had pre-Rhode Island rocks pic), why is Tom OK with this international dating extravaganza? Since when did something like that appeal to him? That's not the Tom Hiddleston we "know"!
And if it's all a farce, part of a "Jenny From the Block" or Lemonade scenario, once again—who told Hiddleston he needed that in his life?! Was the artistic potential too hilarious and clever to resist? Is Taylor more quirky and layered than anyone previously gave her credit for?
She knows Tom's a dog guy, right?
Meanwhile, days after the Met Gala, Hiddleston shook his head in the aforementioned U.K. interview and said that he didn't envision joining Swift's squad anytime soon. But he also did start fiddling with his hair, something he didn't do for the entire five minutes beforehand.
"That, ah, that was um…I was… she was—we were, I was…sat next to her at the dinner of the Met Gala in New York…"
And then Taylor told him they should dance, because no one ever dances at these things, and so he did.
He also told the Press Association around that time, "I didn't know it was going to ping round the world, but it's all good."
He knows now that he hadn't seen anything yet.
But while it remains to be seen whether Hiddleswift actually affects either's career in any way (we'll know July 14 if Tom scored an Emmy nomination for The Night Manager, production on Thor 3 is getting underway and we certainly hope Taylor's been working on new music), but Hiddleston has irreversibly crossed over into a new echelon of the celebrity ecosystem, the one where the microscope is always on and it doesn't care how much Shakespeare you've done.
"I'm wary of labels," Hiddleston told The Daily Mail in April 2012. "As an actor, the labels that are so easily attachable to me—like Old Etonian or Cambridge graduate or Rada alumnus—are, in a way, the least interesting things about me. I've had to do a lot of work taking off those jackets. The last thing I ever want is to be pigeon-holed."
Not to fear. Those labels are gone for good.