by Jenna Mullins | Sun., Feb. 7, 2016 8:50 PM
Damn, companies. Why you gotta air commercials that will give us hellish nightmares for at least two weeks?!
Super Bowl 2016 has wrapped up and there were a lot of highlights: Beyoncé letting Chris Martin perform next to her during the Pepsi Halftime Show, Peyton Manning getting his second Super Bowl win and Taraji P. Henson thinking Coldplay was actually Maroon 5. But can we talk about the lowlights? Like, how every other commercial was deeply unsettling? Mountain Dew's Puppy Monkey Baby thing, Doritos birthing ad and Willem DaFoe in a dress...what were those ad companies trying to do to us?!
We know that companies spend a lot of money on these commercials and they want to make a big statement with their airtime. But does that statement have to be: "You will forever be scarred by this this song about having sex during the Super Bowl?" (Looking at you, NFL baby commercial).
Look! Even R.L. Stine, a horror aficionado, was deeply disturbed by whatever creature was in the Mountain Dew ad:
Did #Puppymonkeybaby come from a horror movie? It terrified me.— R.L. Stine (@RL_Stine) February 8, 2016
Here are the creepiest Super Bowl 2016 commercials, with a score of "Number of Sleepless Nights" so we're all on the same page regarding which ones were just scary and which ones should be put into a vault and never mentioned again:
Number of Sleepless Nights: Four. No one wants to think about a baby shooting out like that.
Snickers "Marilyn" Featuring Willem DaFoe
Number of Sleepless Nights: Two, but mostly because we are upset that DaFoe has nicer legs than us.
Number of Sleepless Nights: Three. We just don't like that singing Skittles portrait.
The NFL's "Super Bowl Babies" featuring Seal
Number of Sleepless Nights: One, because babies are cute but we'll never listen to "Kissed From a Rose" the same way ever again.
Mountain Dew's "Monkey Puppy Baby"
Number of Sleepless Nights: We will never sleep soundly again for the rest of time.
Memo to companies for Super Bowl 2017: More cute puppies reuniting with horse friends, less songs about people making babies during the game.