The Bachelor Recap: Aaand Now We're Bored. Who Made It To the Final Three?

The two night Bachelor event concluded very sensibly, in every way.

So are you guys Bachelor'd out yet?

We got a full three hours last night (at the same time as the 40^th anniversary of SNL, which felt very rude to us) and now another two hours tonight. That's a lot of Bachelor, but luckily it's the best show on television and thus impossible to get tired of.

Last night's episodes (which had to take a backseat to SNL, unfortunately) were truly eye-opening, in more ways than one. After we heard from Kelsey, Chris, and Andi Dorfman in the "Chris Tells All" special, Chris finally came to his senses and sent poor, sweet Megan home, right at the beginning, and then he and the rest of the girls headed to Iowa for some serious Britt drama. It seems like Chris has finally seen this Hollywood waitress for what she really is: a girl who just wants to win The Bachelor. We also determined that we could definitely not see ourselves moving to the impossibly small Arlington, Iowa, and found that we can add ice skating and interior decorating to the ever-growing list of things Chris can't do.

Tonight's episode began with Becca's one-on-one, right on the heels of Britt's meltdown. Becca's very sweet, but she's very boring, or at least hasn't had the opportunity yet to shine, so her rooftop-at-sunset date is barely shown. 

Meanwhile, Britt tells the girls that she's packed her bags, and that she's considering leaving before the next rose ceremony because Chris didn't immediately give him the rose after she told him she was ready to be his wife, because apparently all her special treatment has seriously screwed with her perception of how this show works.

Carly hits it right on the head that Britt is expecting Chris to beg her to stay, and then Chris Harrison comes in to reveal that there's no cocktail party, and therefore no chance for Britt to redeem/explain herself.

So, yet again, Britt decides to steal some time at the start of the rose ceremony. She does a lot of apologizing to Chris for how inappropriate she was, and then asks for his thoughts on what she said anyway. Chris buys none of it, explaining that he had heard that she wasn't being honest with him, and it's Britt's reaction that seals it: "Was it Carly?" "Does it matter?" he asks, but it's over. He walks her out, and she cries and wails to the camera about how much she trusted Carly. Buh bye lipstick! See ya next time we're wandering around Hollywood Blvd looking for a hug (we are never doing that).

The rose ceremony still had to happen though, and we were a little sad to see Carly get sent home, because we kind of really like Carly and her cartoon voices and her Britt-colored hand puppets. We will miss her.

Up next, it's time for the home town dates, which are boring. Whitney seemed to have a lot of fun with her date, almost tricking Chris into providing a sample for testing at the fertility clinic she works at, though she was kind of devastated when her sister, apparently the Elsa of this show, refused to give her blessing of marriage when she barely knows the guy. Kaitlyn added yet another thing to the list of things Chris can't do when she made him write and record a rap, and we're beginning to think this guy can't do anything but farm and ride motorcycles.

Chris wasn't super thrilled by either Becca's inexperience (excluding the fact that she's a virgin) or Jade's much-hyped Playboy nudity, but at least he wasn't horrified. He did, however, send Jade home, which sucks because she was the last vaguely interesting person on this show just because of her Playboy past. Unless Kaitlyn brings back the raunchy personality she brought out when this show first started, before she got trampled by all the crazy, we're just left with nice, normal humans who actually seem pretty cool, or at least cool enough. 

Chris could marry any of the women who are left, and that's no fun! We're bored already. We miss Kelsey. We want more Ashley, and we'll take either one of them, just for a minute. This season's Women Tell All special is going to probably be the greatest night of our lives.

In any case, at this point, we kind of hope Chris ends up with Whitney. Not only do they go very well together, but Becca's, again, very boring, and we can't see her succeeding at a highly publicized relationship before she even has a normal private one. And as for Kaitlyn, we're kind of hoping she doesn't win just because we want her to be the next Bachelorette. Or our best friend, but we are not going to Iowa to hang out with her.