Tubers, I am shaken.
And I am here to report after a long day visiting The Office set yesterday that:
(a) The lovely Jenna Fischer is still missing.
(b) Rainn Wilson might not let her out of his trunk until 2009.
(c) The fate of Jim and Pam as we know it is most definitely at stake, because according to John Krasinski, Pam Beesly is going to die.
Read on for the chilling details (and bring a strong stomach)...
OK, so the real reason you're going to need a strong stomach is because Rainn and John are living up to their reputations of being 100 percent awesome and hilarious, by taking this Jenna Fischer hostage sitch to new levels.
Jenna truly did call in sick, because she caught a bug. And wouldn't you know it, her on-screen boyfriend/fiancé(?) was also coming down with a similar bug today—which gives me warm fuzzies, in the hope that "Jam" is allllright in the new season. The kissing disease never looked so good!
And here's a snippet of my one-on-one talks with Rainn and John about the Jenna hostage crisis (Rainn is holding her captive until his new movie The Rocker does well), just in case you're looking for movie plans for this weekend...
RAINN WILSON INTERROGATION
I hear that Jenna is quote “sick” today. How is she doing in the trunk of your car?
Yeah, I think that’s probably hurt her a little bit, yeah I think it’s been a fever, probably from like the 127 degree temperatures in my car’s trunk.
That can take a toll on your immune system.
Totally. Totally, so I’ve given her some echinacea and herbs, you know.
Some vitamin C tablets and capsules, stuff like that, so she should be fine.
Do you think that’s a big sacrifice for Jenna to make, to get in the trunk of your car for this amount of time for your movie to do well?
That’s a really interesting question. You know what? I don’t care.
Yeah, it’s just about promoting the movie, you know, just promoting myself and my career at other people’s expense.
Right, well she does get a peach smoothie at the end of it all, I heard.
Well, possibly. If we make some box office, she will. If not, I don’t know what’s going to happen.
How much does The Rocker need to make in order for us to free Jenna?
Well, $18.7 million. But it may not make that amount until it hits DVD...Late January, she might get released.
How are they dealing with [Jenna's absence] on the show, The Office? Has she sent been sent away to a convent?
You know what we have is a CGI Pam and we’ve been able to dub in her face, computer generate—it’s a lot like Transformers, you know when Shia LeBouf is going “Ahhhhhhhh!" You know, he’s looking at a guy with a tennis ball on a stick going like this. We do that a lot with Pam. Someone from the Henson Company has come over with a Pam puppet to kind of play her and answer the phones and go, "Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam." Then we CGI her face on there, so it’s going to work out fine. It’s amazing what they can do in post.
JOHN KRASINSKI INTERROGATION
Can we do anything to help Jenna?
Last I heard she was dead.
Oh, well that sort of puts a crimp in the future of Jim and Pam this season.
But Ali Larter has decided to do our show.
She’s going to be the new Pam?
Yeah, with a superpower. It’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be amazing!
That’s a huge twist.
So we should probably put together a memorial for Jenna. If you want to headline that...I’ll definitely speak at it, but I don’t have much time. Maybe I’ll just do a in-memoriam blog. “She was great.”
That would be very touching.
And then I’ll put together like a clips package. Of my stuff, with maybe her in it, too.
Did I mention I love these guys?
No? Well, here's another reason: Rainn told me that the whole Office cast and crew went together to watch his movie The Rocker on opening night (Wednesday). "They just went up to a mall together and checked it out," he said with a large grin. "It was awesome, it was really great, I felt really supported. Everyone had a great time and really loved the movie, so it was a blast."
Stand by for much more from this set visit coming soon(ish), and in the interests of Saving Jenna Now, please post your message of support in the comments. If you have to, just promise Rainn you will meet his demands and see The Rocker this weekend, so long as he doesn't do any more to threaten the future of Jim & Pam!