David Letterman, Tiger Woods, Robert Halderman, Rachel Uchitel

AP Photo/Evan Agostini, I: AP Photo/Marc A. Herman, Chris Weeks/Getty Images, I: AP Photo/David Zentz

Robert Halderman may have been better off with the Twinkie defense.

The man charged with trying to extort $2 million from David Letterman in exchange for not peddling a screenplay based on the Late Show host's backstage affairs with staffers has offered up a new point of defense—the alleged hush money Tiger Woods gave to reported mistress Rachel Uchitel.

(Remember, Uchitel has denied ever having any sort of relationship with Woods, unlike some...)

"To date, no criminal charges have been filed against Uchitel, for extortion or any other crime," wrote Halderman's attorney, Gerald Shargel, in a memorandum filed in New York Supreme Court that quotes unsubstantiated tabloid reports of Uchitel canceling a revelatory press conference after Woods paid her off.

And, Shargel continued, fellow alleged Tiger mistresses Jamiee Grubbs and Jamie Jungers got paid for selling their stories.

So why couldn't his client engage in a little "pure commercial transaction" of his own?

"If Letterman refused [to buy the story], Halderman would move on and sell his story to someone else, for fair market value," Shargel said. "There was no threat beyond that. As a result, no crime was committed here."

But we wonder if Shargel is familiar with whom he's dealing with.

"Mr. Shargel should spend his time representing his client based solely on the facts of his case, rather than comparing it to other matters of which he has no personal knowledge," Uchitel's rather outraged attorney, Gloria Allred, said in a statement to TMZ.

"I have no personal knowledge of his client's case and he has no personal knowledge and therefore, no basis for his remarks about my representation of Ms. Uchitel."

In the meantime, Letterman seems to be faring better than his fellow transgressor. He won't be the North American posterboy for Tag Heuer anytime soon, but The Late Show consistently tops The Tonight Show With Conan O'Brien in the ratings.

"I wish he would stop calling me for advice," Letterman quipped on his first show after Woods' car accident.

That Tiger Woods news really knocked Letterman off the hot seat, didn't it? Refresh yourself on that whole scandal right here.

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