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Bride-to-be Eva Longoria is opening a brand-new club right here in Hollywood…We dish on why you should so plan to be there! Plus, Jeremy Piven snags himself a hot blonde in the Windy City, while Enrique Iglesias hits the town without his arm candy, Anna Kournikova! Speaking of Anna (Nicole Smith), what’s it like playing the booby babe?
Darlings, we’re embarking on a new department yet again. And no, it’s not tackier threads (In the Closet), nor is it T-town’s more bed-worthy bods (Do Me Meter). It’s, uh, more about words, this one. And in this ince, a pic or a person ain’t worth a thousand of ‘em—just six (sort of)! Here lies the inaugural six-point list that will run from time to time, when myriad smutty Hollywood activities warrant.
Eva Longoria

Anthony Harvey/WireImage.com

So, to start, we’re zeroing in on near size-zero Eva Longoria, who has decided to put her petite booty to use and unveil a new Hell-Ay nightclub called Beso, set to open late this summer. Following are the Sick-Sick Six reasons why we’re breathlessly waiting for our invites and wishing Eva-love every success:

 

Candy Spelling

Jesse Grant/WireImage.com

6.  Face it, we’re celeb whores who will go to any opening, even for Candy Spelling’s new mah-jongg jewelry line (of course I’ll be there!).

Tom Cruise

Lester Cohen/WireImage.com

5.  Eva needed a new project. After all, Tom Cruise kinda put a taint on the whole marriage-in-Europe thang.
Tony Parker

Steve Granitz/Wireimage.com

4.  We're dying to see if Tony Parker raps better than in his music video. K-Fed redux?

Nicole Richie

Donato Sardella/WireImage.com

3.  Here’s hoping it will make Hyde slowly disappear, like Nicole Richie.

Eva Longoria, dog

Anthony Harvey/WireImage.com

2.  Beso, natch, means kiss in Spanish, and nobody smooches red carpet ass better than Eva.

President Bush

DAVID HECKER/AFP/Getty Images

1.  Dubya needs another place where he can pretend to drink nonalcoholic beer!

Jennifer Lopez

James Devaney/WIreImage.com

Glamourpuss P.S.: Oh, and here’s hoping Eva-love has mucho better luck than J.Lo has with her coupon-special restaurant (‘cause, uh, nobody terribly darling is really going there, darlings) Madre’s, in Pasadena, a smoggy stuck-up suburb of Hell-Ay.
Justin Timberlake, Cameron Diaz

Jon Furniss/WireImage.com

Who said exes can’t stay friends? Seeing Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz all cute 'n’ cuddly while pimpin’ out Shrek the Third in Madrid reminded me of another pair of past lovers' recent encounter. Forgot to mention that both Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra showed up to the A Time for Heroes Carnival not long ago, and they just so happened to be working at booths two down from each other.
Dave Navarro, Carmen Electra

Jeff Vespa/WireImage.com

This potentially awkward sitch was actually fairly tame—inside, Dave went over and hugged Carm as they proceeded to chat behind the Lisa Kline Kids booth. One guest said, “He kissed her on her forehead, hugged her and stroked her hair before heading back to his Wiffle Ball booth.” Rekindling their romance, perhaps? I doubt it, but nice to see those two makin’ nice.
Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge

John Sciulli/WireImage.com

Living here in La-La Land, you can’t go anywhere without someone mentioning Paris Hilton, so I had to ask good girls Lauren Conrad and Audrina Patridge to dish on the recent drama.

“I feel bad for her...but you know, you’ve got to face the consequences,” said sweet little Audrina. “They’re making an example of her,” L.C. offered. “I mean, it goes both ways. You can’t have this attitude that nothing’s going to happen to you if you do something wrong, but at the same time, there are people out there that are getting away with much more and not going to jail.” Such a PC answer, Laur! You been hangin’ with Kathy Hilton, or somethin’?

Christine Lakin

Camilla Zenz/ZUMApress.com

Christine Lakin, who costars with Paris in the upcoming film The Hottie and the Nottie, chimed in on Paris’ behind-bars sitch, saying, “I talked to Paris before she went in, and I know that she’s trying to use this as a positive thing in her life, and it’s really making her think about what’s important.” Christine also feels like Paris may be used as a bit of an example, but she makes the distinction, “It’s a little bit up to us to sort of stop tuning into the things that aren’t really important and seeking out the issues that sort of are.”
Grey's Anatomy: Isaiah washington

Scott Garfield/ABC

Is that woman on crack? You gotta be kidding me—life without Paris is like epithets without Isaiah!

 

Jeremy Piven

Steve Granitz/WireImage.com

Jeremy Piven, partying in all his pint-size glory. Club Underground in Jer’s hometown of Chicago. The Pivs was in town to support the Piven Family Theater and hangin’ at said spot with Billy Dec. My slightly horny, more horrified onlooker reported that Jer was very short 'n’ quite sweaty as he shook it on the dance floor and kissed a blonde for all the club to see. Hangin’ back in Hell-Ay minus his main lady was...
Enrique Iglesias

James Devaney/WireImage.com

Enrique Iglesias, rolling in late to the Lisa Kline launch party for Jack Daniels apparel at the Viper Room Thursday night. The soulful singer showed up around 11:30 peeyem with an entourage that didn’t include Anna Kournikova. Enrique was low-key in a baseball cap as he watched Samantha Ronson at the turntables. I hear Sam was smoking up a storm and text messaging while deejaying...sending Linds her well wishes, perhaps?
Mira Sorvino

Jordan Strauss/WireImage.com

While most Tinseltown train wrecks prefer to pluck purebred pups and pusses from overpriced pet stores, it’s nice to know that some of Hollywood has a heart for shelter animals. Take Mira Sorvino, for ince. The blond babe has been doing work for Hill’s Second Chance for Love, a program to help homeless critters get adopted.
Mira adopted her first dog, Deer, a long time ago when she was still flat broke and livin’ in an InWhySee studio. “At the time, I was just a waitress, model, actress wannabe living in New York, but he didn’t care,” she recently reminisced at a Santa Monica adoption event. “We lived in a tiny studio with the bathroom in the kitchen, but he just loved me unconditionally.”
Paris Hilton

Dan Herrick/Zuma Press

Can you imagine Tinkerbell, Paris’ number one bitch, tolerating anything less than a Hollywood Hills mansion she calls home? I think not.